The best ways to express your feelings to your loved one. Learning to Express Emotions

By suppressing emotions, we ourselves create barriers to perfect relationship. TOPBEAUTY psychologists will tell you how to express feelings correctly and find a full-fledged relationship.

What messages make you feel?

Anger communicates that you are not satisfied with the current situation.

Sadness and heartache arise when you lack something very necessary and important.

Fear warns of danger, loss, or pain.

Guilt reminds you that you are responsible in some way or that you are the cause of an undesirable outcome or adverse circumstance. The ability to express feelings is a gift that all human beings are endowed with.

But often we don't like how we feel. Every emotion has its own purpose, and until that purpose is achieved and realized, you will again return to a similar state. So how do you express feelings in any situation without suppressing your emotions?

From close range

How to express feelings correctly, when you meet someone who loves you - a person with whom you are comfortable and safe - all feelings previously buried inside in the hope of healing come out. After all, living alone, it is much easier to suppress your feelings, which is why many avoid close relationships. Such loners can let someone into their lives for a while, but then they leave anyway - either in the physical sense of the word, or simply close, that is, hide their feelings again. That is why many complain about the lack of personal space in a relationship.

All day they carry a load of emotions and keep it inside until they meet at home in the evening. This is where it all begins: all the feelings that have not been expressed, accumulated during the day, suddenly begin to ask to come out. And instead of dealing with them, people prefer to close tightly: "since I do not want to give vent to the accumulated anger, fear and resentment in the presence of a loved one, I will simply suppress them ..." - and together with them I will suppress part of my love for him.

This does not mean at all that a person does not have the right to be alone with himself. We all need sometimes to collect our thoughts, to distract ourselves from others, just to understand ourselves. Autonomy is just as important as intimacy, but that's no reason to hide your feelings. By fully living your emotions and expressing them freely, you will be able to get rid of internal tension and truly love.

Allowing yourself to feel and express feelings is to let go of them. But this does not mean at all that now you need to unload all your negativity on loved ones. If you do not hesitate to immediately share any feelings and express them, this can destroy your relationship and cause you even more trauma.

Eva Mendes is one of the most emotional actresses of our time. After all, she is sure: "Hiding your emotions is harmful not only for health, but also for appearance." Plus, being funny is so sexy!

Reveal the truth

At first, telling the truth about what you are really going through can be difficult and even painful, especially when you remember how much easier it is to give up on everything and take a nap - the morning is wiser than the evening. But this is the only remedy that can help you.

Only openly expressing feelings, whatever they may be, will help insure you from irritability and building a wall of misunderstanding between you and your loved one.

Attention!

To deal with repressed emotions, many people seek the help of a therapist or counselor. Among psychotherapists there are many who undertake to heal only old, long-standing traumas, ignoring the need to work with daily emotional problems.

You cannot get rid of the emotional wounds of the past without learning how to express feelings correctly. If you decide to see a therapist, make sure he can guide you through all the emotional levels of love. It is very important that the specialist does not suppress his own feelings and is not afraid to freely express them.

Expressing your emotions and feelings is important and correct. But in some cases, you may be mistaken for. For example, you say: “How angry I am! - or, - It upsets me. In response, the interlocutor immediately corrects his behavior - it means that you are manipulating, even if you are not aware of it. And if this is repeated, a serious conflict can happen.

It is important to express our emotions in a way that does not make it clear to the person that we want something from him. It's difficult, and that's what this article is for. We have the right to feel angry, upset, guilty, or discouraged, but we need to express these emotions in a constructive manner.

Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg identified four principles for expressing your emotions without annoying the people you're talking to. It is necessary to adhere to these principles both with friends and relatives, and with strangers. Do not think that if a person is close to you or completely far away, this changes the rules of the game.

Four Fundamental Principles of Nonviolent Communication

• Observation. To be a great conversationalist, you must learn to focus on the facts before clearly defining or judging a situation. If someone did not show up for the meeting at the agreed time, then this is the only information that is available to you. You should not lose your temper, call to show your displeasure. You should not think that this is rude or that the person does not value the relationship. These are not facts. If you succumb to these thoughts, you will begin to behave like an emotional manipulator, demanding an explanation and expressing resentment and anger. There can be dozens of reasons why a person did not show up for a meeting or was late. Trying to make him feel guilty, you risk achieving the opposite result.
• Feelings. For you to express your feelings and emotions honestly and frankly. When your boss turns down a promotion, you start to think it's dishonest, identifying it with the boss being dishonest. You can wait for other concessions and what he himself will guess about them. You may even start to work worse, behave impolitely. All this is emotional manipulation. Express your feelings without offense: “I feel upset”, “I am disappointed because…”.
• Needs. It is useful to understand that almost all feelings and emotions are needs. Therefore, it is important to talk about your needs in a proper manner, and not like a child. Imagine the situation. A wife says to her husband: “You spend too much time at work,” after which he takes a day off and goes fishing with friends. From the outside it's funny, but my wife is unlikely to be fun. When you turn to someone for a request or advice, remember not to allow misinterpretations.
• Requests. Needs can take the form of requests. It is important that these are requests, not requirements. Respect other people. Much can be achieved from a person if he knows that he is respected. Do not forget that the request is your request and it is this person that you need, and not vice versa.

Compliance with these principles is a great start for almost any communication. Which, of course, does not change the fact that your request may be denied, a need not met, feelings not accepted, and observations may turn out to be inaccurate.

Feelings are a two-way street. The fact that you feel something does not mean that it will find understanding in the interlocutor. However, mindful of these principles, the likelihood of mutual understanding increases many times over.

How to Express Your Feelings in a Friendly Way

Here are some tips:

• Be sincere about your feelings. This advice seems banal and it is for this reason that rarely anyone listens to it. In addition, most people do not understand their feelings and emotions. Therefore, if you experience such difficulties, increase yours. The inability to express feelings hits the most sick person - relationships with other people.
• Take responsibility for your emotions and feelings. When certain people or situations affect our feelings and emotions, we must remember that we are responsible for them. If someone or something annoys us, then this is our fault, our reaction. When someone disappoints us, we should also take responsibility for our emotion. No one and nothing can force us to experience an emotion until we ourselves want it. What happens when we refuse to take responsibility for an emotion? That's right, we use it as an excuse for making bad decisions and bad behavior. We immediately become an emotional manipulator.
• Communicate your needs without judgment. Saying what you want without judging or blaming seems like a daunting task for most people.
• Make a specific request. The request must be precise, because if it can be misunderstood, it will happen. People understand such words as "a lot" and "little", "love" and "betrayal" differently. Therefore, the first step is to be in the same coordinate system, speak the same language. It is curious, but sometimes it is useful for yourself to answer the questions “What do I understand by relationships?” and “What is freedom and happiness for me?”.
• Remember that the interlocutor also has feelings and needs.. begins where the needs and needs of one side are taken into account. Your interlocutor does not necessarily need to give something material, sometimes enough food for respect. Everyone wants to be appreciated and respected for their merits. So to begin with, listen, try to understand, and show that he was heard and understood. And in no case do not show that your feelings are more important than his feelings, otherwise it will be much more difficult for you to come to a mutual agreement.
• Respect the other person when they say "no". It is very easy to love and respect people who agree with you, indulge you, give you what you want. And how difficult it is to do the same when we do not get what we want. It requires wisdom, respect, understanding. There are very few people with such qualities. Rejection may be painful for you, but keep in mind that this is not the fault of the person. It's in his best interest to refuse you, and that's perfectly fine. You must accept his decision and move on.

We wish you good luck!

Hello!

Emotions are an integral part of human consciousness. The fact is that emotions and feelings have not one specific function, but several.
First of all, emotions and feelings, like all other mental processes, are a reflection of reality, but only in the form of experience.
At the same time, the concepts of “emotions” and “feelings”, which are often used as equivalent “in everyday life”, actually denote various mental phenomena, which, of course, are most closely related to each other.
Both emotions and feelings reflect the needs of a person, or rather, how these needs are satisfied. Emotional experiences reflect the vital significance of phenomena and situations affecting a person. In other words, emotions are a reflection in the form of a biased experience of the vital meaning of phenomena and situations.
In general, we can say that everything that promotes or facilitates the satisfaction of needs causes positive emotional experiences, and, conversely, everything that prevents this is negative.
An important difference between feelings and emotions is that feelings are relatively stable and constant, and emotions arise in response to a specific situation.
The deep connection of feelings with emotions is manifested, first of all, in the fact that a feeling is experienced and found precisely in specific emotions. Yes, the feeling of love close person can be experienced depending on the situation as an emotion of joy for him, pleasure from communication, anxiety if something threatens him, annoyance if he did not justify our hopes, pride in his successes, shame if he did something or unworthy, etc.
The structure of feeling includes not only emotion, direct experience, but also a more generalized attitude associated with knowledge, understanding, concept.
One of the main functions of emotions is that they help to navigate the surrounding reality, evaluate objects and phenomena in terms of their desirability or undesirability, usefulness or harmfulness.
Emotion occurs when there is a discrepancy between what you need to know and in order to satisfy the need ( necessary information), and what is actually known.

It is important to understand what exactly prevents you from expressing your emotions. You need to be aware and give yourself an account of what exactly you feel at a certain moment.

Here are some tips for learning to express your emotions:

• If a person has done a good deed for you or said kind words to you, do not hesitate to thank him for it. Speak sincerely, express those feelings that you have in your soul. Let it be not a simple "Thank you", but a more extended expression: "How nice to receive this gift from you", "You cook wonderfully."
• Reinforce your words with actions - intonation, posture, facial expressions. If you utter words of gratitude with a stone face, the person will not have a very flattering impression of you. And the words spoken with a warm sincere smile will leave nice trace in his soul. And in the future, he will be happy to provide you with another service.
  
• Speak out what you feel in a conversation with a partner. You are pinched and feel a lot of excitement in yourself, so say: "I'm worried, I don't know how to start." A normal interlocutor will always support you, give you the opportunity to calm down.
  
• Negative emotions also cannot be hidden, they must be expressed. If you don't like something in your partner's behavior, tell him about it. No need to be silent and offended. Maybe the person does not understand what exactly does not suit you.
• Do not postpone the showdown until later, do not accumulate your grievances. This is fraught not only with a deterioration in relations, but also affects the physical condition. Keep in mind that the longer you accumulate aggression in yourself, the stronger it will then spill out onto your partner. Perhaps, after such an explosion of accumulated emotions, you will not be able to restore normal relationships.

Happiness to you!

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Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer "Hello! Emotions are an integral part of human consciousness. The fact is that emotions and feelings are ..." to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?

Question to the psychologist:

Good afternoon My name is Oksana, I am 25 years old, I work. I am very closed and uncommunicative, it is difficult for me to express my feelings to other people if their opinion about me is important to me.

Now I have a boyfriend, and I don’t understand what kind of relationship between us. For me, it looks like we just sometimes have sex when we meet and that's it. At first we just talked, mostly on work issues. At some point, he wrote that I was interesting to him and he would like me to be more open with him, it was clear that he showed sympathy and, in general, I liked him. I began to pay more attention to him, but still I didn’t tell something personal, I just can’t imagine how easy it is to take and start telling a person about my experiences. If he asked me about anything now, I would answer, but I can’t start myself. After the first intimacy it began to seem to me that we already had a strained relationship, that he was not interested in me. I think this is because I did not answer him with sincerity, did not say what I feel. I never complimented him or how much I enjoyed being with him. Once I got together and made up my mind, but I simply could not utter a word. It was as if my mouth went numb and all thoughts evaporated from my head, except for the one that I can’t do this. Sometimes I try to write something to him to show interest, but I don't really know what to write. I can write something along the lines of "how are you?" and after his rather dry answer, I have nothing more to say, I have no ideas, no assumptions, and also nothing interesting happens in my life for me to talk about myself.

And recently, I noticed that, in general, I have nothing to write to anyone, I can’t think of a birthday greeting, even for a good friend. Sometimes it can be very difficult for me to listen to the stories that a colleague tells me. And even more so, I'm not interested in looking at other people's photos from the rest. I reluctantly showed mine from vacation to a couple of people, it seems to me that no one needs it. I am not at all interested in someone else's life and I have nothing to say about my own. Before, I was not very sociable and sociable, and it was hard for me to make acquaintances and contacts with people, especially with new ones. And in order for me to feel at ease with a person or company, I need a couple of months. But even before so much indifference in me was not. It has evolved over the last year or so.

My parents divorced when I was seven. After moving and moving to a new school, it became very difficult for me to establish contacts with other children. At the first school, I was quite sociable and was not afraid to talk to anyone. I could easily meet someone in the yard. In the new city, I had my first girlfriends only because they were our neighbors and our parents gently forced us to communicate. I made my normal friends in the 8th grade.

In the first year after the divorce, my father visited me a couple of times. Then he was supposed to come one summer, but did not come and did not get in touch to say why. At least no one told me anything, I was waiting for him, but he was not there. I was very worried, cried, went with his photo. But relatives (grandmother for sure) said that I was fooling around and behaving like a fool, and it was pretty harsh. Perhaps after that I did not share my feelings with my family. I cried a lot, it seemed to me that no one in the family loves me, and that no one cares about me and my thoughts and feelings. After this incident, my mother decided to find out what was happening to me and why I behave the way I behave when I was 12. I had many problems that seemed huge to me then: they mainly concerned my complexion (I considered myself ugly , especially in comparison with a neighbor) and not being able to communicate with anyone at all - neither with classmates, nor with teachers, and also did not have the means for entertainment and beautiful things, and in general in our family there were often financial difficulties. I envied my neighbor because it seemed to me that she was beautiful, and she had a good life, she had a complete family, her own room, friends, various things, a game console. Then my mother was quite sharp and said that I must be strong, I must work on myself, and if I only whine and feel sorry for myself, then I will remain on the outskirts of life and a loser. The whole conversation I cried and wanted her to hug me and console me, it seemed to me that it was hard for me, I just wanted a little support, but she only accused me of crying. Since then, of course, I have become somewhat better. I no longer feel sorry for myself and I don’t think how poor and unhappy I am, I don’t consider myself ugly and a loser. But it seems to me that since then it has been unthinkable for me to share my feelings and experiences, to open up to other people. With my mom now I have a good relationship but I don't like to tell her about my difficulties.

In fact, I can still be insecure and have low self-esteem (I guess I think I have a good estimate of myself and especially my ability to interact with other people).

I have absolutely no idea how I could express my feelings for people who care about me. I just can't find the words and don't know what to say. I have nothing to say. But I would love to be more open. I would like to be able to express feelings, know what to say and not be afraid to do it. Please tell me what can I do to get there.

The psychologist Zhuravlev Alexander Evgenievich answers the question.

Hello Oksana.

Your mother, in general, said everything:

you have to work on yourself.

Regarding "pity yourself" and "whining" - I also agree. Exactly in your case.

In order for things to get off the ground, you need to start! Start acting, start doing at least something in the right direction, make at least some effort and demonstrate will.

I will present my concept to you, and you will "work it out" for yourself.

Nothing particularly terrible has happened in your life. Moreover, you even know yourself in which direction to move. Thus, there is no talk of any depressive moments. If only... If only in the area that concerns the future. Here is the future (your own) is completely inaccessible to you yet. You just don't see it, that's all! This is already bad.

But now is not about that. You need to understand what to do NOW and how to work on yourself.

First, take a piece of paper and clearly divide into two columns: "my strengths" and "my weak sides". I understand that there will be more weak ones and they will be brighter. Why - don't ask!

Your task: BRING EVERYTHING TO EQUALITY. Both weaknesses and strengths and qualities should be equally divided. If it does not work out, then do not be afraid - this task is not for one day!

First of all, you need to analyze the strengths! They must be clearly marked, correctly formulated, understandable and intelligible.

Think about how to use them for your own good!

Review weaknesses. The goal is to think, what if there are hidden strengths among them ???

For example! You can write about yourself "closed, uncommunicative." This is not particularly good. But! Closed means mysterious, mysterious, cautious. Lack of communication skills can be "reformulated" into caution, restraint. Etc.

That is, if a weak quality can be interpreted as strong, then it is not weak at all)))).

Do you understand me?

If there are weak qualities that cannot be reframed, then you need to think about how to turn them into strengths, or how to make them less noticeable.

Difficulty expressing emotions? - You just need to practice in front of the mirror. There are some of the brightest emotional states: anger, anger, irritation, pleasure, joy, delight, surprise, thoughtfulness, sadness, curiosity, etc. You can add to this list as much as you like. The more words there are, the better. Then you depict the desired emotion in front of the mirror. Try to have as much participation as possible in the "exercise". more muscle. Let the whole body work! You can add laughter, crying - whatever you want!

Then, when you "catch" the essence of the matter, you will include words. Just say the words that suit this emotional and psychological state. You can read poetry, sing songs or come up with something completely different. You can just say numbers! But with the right and appropriate intonation.

These "etudes" will help you relieve the internal tension, called "clamp". And students of theatrical universities make such sketches.

Secondly! You need to find yourself an occupation that would give you a sense of being in demand, comfort and success. Though, again, sing songs! If it brings you joy and people like it, then for God's sake!

The guy... But he shouldn't say anything about his exclusivity! Just try to remember the exercises in front of the mirror and express your emotion without the help of words! If you need it, of course!

Don't set any special goals. People will "go" to you, reach out if they see you as a confident, SELF-SUFFICIENT person. You must every day...

Thirdly, one must learn to DO SOMETHING USEFUL FOR YOURSELF AND FOR PEOPLE EVERY DAY. I'm not talking about charity. Here you just need to be able to help correctly, naturally and to the point.

And you have to praise yourself! Do not criticize, do not regret, do not forget, namely PRAISE. Praise and encourage.

You did something right, strong, uncharacteristic for yourself, for your weakness - praise yourself, encourage. Though chocolate, though a kind word. Praise and move on!

Do it FOR YOURSELF! Only for myself!

Get used to the pronoun "I". And to the fact that after it strong words follow: strong, effective, doing!

You need to talk to your mom. Do not dump your problems and dissatisfaction on her, namely to talk. It is necessary to ask questions, ask, show interest in it, and not demand attention to yourself.

There will be attention and help, but the vector must come from you!

Train yourself to think about tomorrow while living today. Forgive father. forgive yourself, forgive everyone who offended you. And boldly go.

I ask you to write to us!

This is just the beginning of a long conversation. Good luck. A. Zhuravlev

4.75 Rating 4.75 (4 votes)

Why do some people openly express their emotions, while others do it quietly.

What are the reasons why people do not know how to express their emotions?

In the earliest childhood, each person, depending on how the world interacts with him (in the face of his mother), is formed as an emotional, balanced or mental one. It is important how often a mother communicates with her baby while he is in her tummy, how the birth and the first months after birth went. As far as the mother was included in her baby emotionally, she talked with him, stroked, smiled or practically did not notice her pregnancy and was busy with anything but the needs of the newborn.

The mother of a baby can be very sick and this leaves its mark on the formation of his psyche. The child grows up in an environment that declares the rules of behavior in society. In some families it is customary to express themselves very brightly, and in some - extremely restrained. All this and much more is directly related to the formation of how a person will further interact with the world - brightly, restrainedly, imperceptibly.

If someone does not express emotions outwardly, this does not mean at all that the person does not experience them at all. Just with early childhood learned to experience an emotional outburst inside quietly. For example, a bright emotional person, seeing his last name in the lists of those who entered the university, will run around the hall with joy, shouting, waving his hands. Familiar scene? So, the same storm occurs in the mental, but inside. It is not easy to understand such a person. A person who does not know such features of the psyche will begin to get angry and blame, because it is not clear to him - how can one not rejoice at such an event! And the mental does not understand what they want from it? He is incredibly happy! We tend to notice only prominent representatives two extremes. But there are a lot of balanced people.

In everyday life, it is easier for an emotional person to communicate with an emotional person. Mental - with the mental. Emotional, of course, will attract with its brightness, but only on a short time. Remember the characters in Gone with the Wind? The emotional Scarlett O'Hara was never able to connect her life with the mental Ashley, but the balanced Rhett Butler understood this woman and made her happy.

What is fraught with the inability to express emotions?

Misunderstanding of each other's behavior and reactions sometimes leads to unpleasant scenes in a relationship. An emotional girl may be frustrated by a mental gentleman who does not dare to get closer. She will accuse him of deceit and inaction, and from her pressure he will only be capable of actions of the opposite nature. If a person is comfortable in his "emotional silence", no one has the right to condemn him and undertake to correct him. In this case, if a person is loved and dear to you, it is better to start to delve into and get acquainted with his mental world. And believe me, it's great in its own way. Mental people are able to express themselves vividly.

How to learn to express your emotions correctly?

Sometimes people notice that the brightness in their lives is still not enough. Would you like to add? - it's time to experiment. One time is enough for someone to return to their element again, and someone will go further. You can consciously learn to express yourself from an emotional person, you can try yourself in any kind of art (playing on musical instrument, drawing, dancing, etc., that is, to use the brain, voice, body). Here are good psychological trainings in small groups (up to 12 people). But it is also important to understand that fundamental changes will not happen. There will be changes, but only the same mental person will be able to fully notice and appreciate them.