Why do people whine but do nothing. A person who constantly complains and whines takes your life energy! Always need a different point of view

Maria Angelou said a brilliant phrase: “If you don't like something, change it. If it doesn't work, change your mind about it. Don't complain."

Why do many people complain? Why are there people around who are constantly dissatisfied with something? At first you listen to them and sympathize, then you try to help the person, and then you notice that the person himself does nothing, but continues to complain. Why it happens?

Because they want someone to change something for them.

To feel supported. When people complain, there is usually someone to listen to them. Then such people begin to feel that they are not alone.

Forms of expression. Some people, when they don't know what to say, start complaining.

Delivery of information. Complaining is one of the ways to explain any situation.

Out of sympathy. Many people believe that they do not value themselves and suffer from this. As a result, they complain to other people.

There are reasons why you shouldn't complain. More specifically, you should not be a constant complainer. Indeed, in addition to some kind of internal satisfaction, complaints face a number of problems. The main ones are:

Complaining is an opportunity to remain a victim;

Complaining, a person lowers the frequency of his energy field, and it becomes harder for him to connect with those who are on a higher level;

Constantly complaining, there comes a feeling that the complaint does not bring relief and everything inside remains the same;

People who complain often don't like those who complain to them. It is important for them to throw out their own. And there are rarely those who accept other people's complaints;

If the complainer likes cheerful, light, open people, he will not attract them into his life. They will bypass it. After all, complaints are a burden that can drag them too.

If you grow up with complainers, then complaints can surprise, capture, fascinate. But at some point, a person understands that no matter what he does to make life easier for the complainer, the complainer will find a new reason for complaining. Because they have already become a part of his life, and he can no longer live without them. If a child grows up in such an environment, then he either adopts a demeanor, or becomes a diametrically opposite behavior.

What does it take to stop complaining? First of all, a person needs to stop. It is necessary to reconsider the situation and your view of it. Look for ways to solve the problem. And try to do something. Having got rid of one situation, you should switch your gaze and find more reasons that do not suit you. In fact, you should reconsider your outlook on life completely. Change your personal attitude to situations. Look for ways out, not waste time and people. After all, the more a person complains, the less people remain next to him. Truly dedicated and good people who just can't stand constant complaining.

Why do some people constantly whine, while others take it and do it?

Each of us faces challenges in life. But some cope with them on their own, others “load” their loved ones with complaints and lamentations. Whining people never count on themselves. They get used to looking for support from outside. A spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend, blog readers, random fellow travelers on the train can be used as a “vest”.

If a person constantly whines

There is an opinion that women live longer because they do not hesitate to pour out their feelings. If only men would love to whine, they would not die in their prime from heart attacks and strokes.

This is pure demagoguery. Aching people don't live long. Their existence and life can not be called - continuous vegetation. Unable to resist the blows of fate, they are like beggars, stretching out their hand to everyone they meet and pleadingly looking into his eyes. But is it possible to live on alms for a long time and qualitatively?

No one says that emotional closeness is a plus. Energy exchange with other people is necessary. But sharing is better. You need to admire, rejoice, laugh. Then the same thing will “fly” to you in response.

For no one, life does not turn only on the festive side.

• But one filters his experiences, leaving unpleasant moments for independent “digestion”.
• The other focuses only on the dramas of being, leaving others to rake the Augean stables of their souls.

Why do people whine and complain?

There are several reasons why a person complains:

1. Insurance against misfortune.

   It seems to a different whiner: if you recognize yourself as worthless, you will appease the fate of the villain. She does not like the proud, she patronizes the quiet and the weak. In this way, you can relieve anxiety for a while. But there is a risk of convincing yourself that you are a chronic loser. This is a great way to say “I knew it!” in case of failure.

2. Dependent attitude towards neighbor.

   People whiners are infantile, like small children. They believe that someone stronger and smarter should hear their moans and rush to the rescue, leaving all their affairs. They constantly need words of support, approval, sympathy. However, if a person constantly whines, the patience of benefactors can quickly run out. After all, they didn’t work as nannies for a whiner, and they have a lot of their own affairs.

3. The need for reflection.

   In the process of delineating the impasse, the complainer hopes to find a way out. He needs a listener to better understand his feelings, to separate fears and illusions from reasonable arguments. In rare cases, this is a really working tool. But such a practice, which is part of the norm, deprives the development of skills of independent analysis.

Each of the listed behaviors is not vicious, if not resorted to too often. Harmful is the principle of communication, based on the rejection of one's destiny.

Whine people are divided into 2 types:

1. hardened complainer

   Such a person no longer notices that he is constantly whining. He is always “not enough”, “cold”, “dark”, “scary”, “bored” ... He is consistently “worst of all”. Such a mourner has long seen the world in gloomy colors. He has lost the habit of rejoicing, and he is afraid: what if life will punish him for this?

   Therefore, he only does what he is looking for flaws. Even where they don't exist. In any situation, he will see the catch. They brought a present - they are counting on something. They didn’t give anything - miser. Someone always owes him. People at first sympathize with him, and then they begin to diligently avoid him.

2. Bounced for an hour.

   Whining people of this type do not always beat for pity. Sometimes they become desperate imaginators, delighted with their own successes. But for a long time their fanfare is not enough, soon they are again taken for the usual whining.

   Such fluctuations are caused by the lack of internal supports and self-control. Moreover, both bragging and complaints from such people take exaggerated forms. When these people whine, they become like beaten dogs. And when they brag, they look like funny peacocks. In both cases, they cannot. They have no self-esteem.

Each of these two types is looking for a second half, which could replace the complainant's caring mother.

If a life partner accepts this role, the whiner is completely discouraged. If the spouse repels the sufferer, he faces a real crisis.

Is the whiner man your punishment?

The strong sex is called so because it should be a support for the weak. Who needs a husband who uses a woman as a band-aid for the soul or a handkerchief?

A whiner man is not able to support, console, approve. He himself needs an emotional outlet. He looks like a person who has not learned to ride the waves on his own, and therefore he has nothing to do in the sea without a lifebuoy. In family swimming, the wife plays the role of such a support. All hope is on her.

A grown-up boy in need of emotional recharging is not destined to grow out of children's pants. He will be lonely and sad until there is a woman who agrees to become a lifesaver for him.

It is extremely important to recognize a whining man at the very beginning of communication. If you are “Mother Teresa” by calling, of course, you can risk building a relationship with him. But they are unlikely to be by definition.

People whiners: learn to help yourself

Those who have not yet got rid of the “whiner virus” should finally grow up. It's time to stop the endless game of a child who throws himself on the neck of his parents with every new problem. Otherwise, assimilated smoothly and imperceptibly will migrate to family life. And which of the spouses will like the role of the eternal comforter and tugboat of someone else's fate?

First of all, learn to be a psychologist for yourself. It is not at all difficult, and sometimes even very interesting and useful. The main thing at the same time is to be able to objectively evaluate your own person. Stop acting like an ostrich hiding its head in the sand at any danger. Become the absolute master of your life conflicts and under no circumstances let them break you. Don't defend yourself with whining, it doesn't defend you, it destroys you. If even now you understand that you can’t cope, and everything is still bad, it’s better. Whining people is not normal, why would you be like that?

Photo: Pavel Schlemmer/Rusmediabank.ru

Why you should not console the eternally aching

We are taught to be attentive to others, and Russian women have pity and compassion in general in their blood. All these qualities are good for people who really need help, but for whiners they are simply fatal. This is because, by listening to the eternal complaints about the injustice of the world, you thereby encourage their way of life, based on inaction, self-pity. In addition, whiners are excellent manipulators, trying to solve their problems at the expense of others.

Add to this a huge amount of your time spent listening to other people's complaints, energy losses and spoiled mood. Physical manifestations are often added to this -, and some, after listening to eternal complaints, even feel sick. Now I understand why you should not waste time on whiners? Especially since you are doing a disservice by listening to their complaints: they lose their incentive to improve their own lives. How to build relationships with such comrades, with whom you don’t want to spoil and completely tear them, but it’s already unbearable to communicate according to the usual scenario? This is where the following helpful tips come in handy:

1. Feel free to interrupt your whining

If you don't want to let other people's problems go through you, don't do it. Stand up for yourself, your time and nerves and do not be afraid to offend your interlocutor. Try to take the conversation in a different direction, or simply catch the speaker with phrases like “Why are you telling this?”, “Is there anything I can help you with?” or "There's nothing I can do for you in this situation."

2. Understand what doesn't work with whining people

Surprisingly, all the basic tools that we use in dealing with those complaining about life are ineffective. Among them are encouragement, offers to help, requests to stop whining, ignoring, swearing, your similar complaints about life.

3. Get to the bottom of the complaint

Hearing the problem of a whiner is a completely different scenario, thanks to which you can observe the "golden mean" in communication. Accompany the whiner's speech with simple phrases, for example, "clear", "clear", "class", "disgrace", etc. Avoid remarks like "yeah/yeah/uh-huh" - they can be perceived by the whiner as agreement with his troubles, which will only provoke him.

4. Recognize the whining problem

All whiners are waiting for support, it's a fact! Therefore, a plaintive tirade is best answered with understanding and sympathy: his problems are terrible, the situation is actually difficult, and as soon as the unfortunate man manages to cope with it! Having received their portion of attention, people who complain about everyone and everything calm down, cheer up and become completely different. And please, avoid sarcasm: to a whiner, a particular problem can seem like the end of the world, when it's nothing to you.

5. Ask the whiner if he wants to know your opinion about his problems.

In 99% of cases, whiners do not want to think about how an exciting problem is solved, and even more so - in practice, look for ways out of it. Accordingly, they do not want to know your opinion. Therefore, this maneuver allows you to cool these bores and easily transfer the conversation in a different direction. Whiners can complain for hours about the difficulties of life, but they cannot stand advice: what if you share some worthwhile idea, and they will have nothing to argue with! Tell the whiner: if your advice is needed, then you can listen to him, but if your opinion is not important to him, and he just wants to throw negativity at you, then refuse such a conversation.

6. Ask the whiner how he is going to solve his problem and if he started to do it

Another option for communicating with whiners is not to give any advice, but to ask what the person himself has already begun to do to solve his problems, or what he is going to do. If in this way to pin the whiner to the wall, then he willy-nilly have to give a more or less intelligible answer. Hearing it, you can exclaim: "Well, you see - your problem is solved!". Perhaps this course of events will stop the whiner in his complaints - at least in this particular situation.

If your conscience does not allow you to use this guide to the proper treatment of whiners (after all, people need help!), remember this: you are more important to yourself than the troubles of others. There is no need to litter your head with other people's problems and waste your own energy. And there, you see, a familiar whiner will learn to solve problems on his own, and there will be more one pleasant interlocutor.

Today we will discuss a topic from which people on both sides of the barricade are literally torn to pieces. Namely - what to do if a man complains and whines all the time, or started complaining recently. Read the article to the end, and you will learn a complete arsenal of tricks that will wean anyone from complaining, even the most armor-piercing whiners with experience.

To support a man in difficult times is a manifestation of love for him. How to do it right, I already wrote in.
But what if there is no end to whining?

His paws are always aching, his tail falls off, there is no money and strength, the government is full of fools and thieves, there is a lot of work, he cut his finger, and so on.

The first side will prove: “A man needs to be supported, run after him with cakes and borscht, put him to sleep in a warm bed and do everything so that it doesn’t get even worse!”

The second side will say: “Yes, the dog is with him! He's a strong man! He will figure it out himself, and I went to hang out with my friends!

The first option may help, but not for long. Then a man's whining gets across his throat and you want to hit him in the teeth with a rolling pin to finally shut up. The second option works a little better, but with the risk that a man will feel unnecessary and lonely because of your indifference.

What is the right thing to do? After all, this behavior of a man literally kills him and you.

Why you can not encourage and listen to male whining

✿ A person who whines all the time focuses his attention on the negative aspects of life. So these sides will grow by leaps and bounds and poison the lives of both of you. There will be no time to focus on goals and objectives, and there will be no strength left. As a result - complete disappointment in everything, drug addiction, alcoholism, betrayal, illness, gambling addiction and other rubbish of life.

✿ Next to a whiner, you spend a lot of moral and physical strength to bring him to his senses. As a result, you yourself remain powerless. And now two lazy and sad vegetables are lying on the bed, which can do nothing to improve the situation. In the worst case, you are both angry and a quarrel will be added to the problems.

✿ In the family, you no longer feel like a woman, because now, instead of your unglued man, you need to “stop the galloping horses” and “enter the burning huts”, save him from all troubles. And he ceases to feel like a man and this makes him even more upset and whining.

✿ You stop respecting and wanting your man. And no wonder, because he just cried into your vest. You turn not into an interesting companion and passionate lover, but into a mother, ready at any moment to give the baby a handkerchief and wipe away tears. Of course, a man also has the right to hysteria, but it is best to do this not with his wife and children, otherwise the relationship will end. It is useful to whine to your psychotherapist or mentor - this way the problem can be solved, and not aggravated.

✿ A man stops wanting you. Sexual attraction to a mommy is rare and far from the norm. Yes, and testosterone from whining falls. They want to say here it is difficult to say what is the cause and what is the effect. His whining also means that his love is already fading away, and he is not shy about whining. When a man is in love with a woman, he tries to seem cooler to her than he really is, he is inspired, his state is the opposite of whining. When love passes or it was not there initially, a man becomes mortified and groans.

✿ If everyone is to blame for everything, then sooner or later you will be on the list of the guilty. If not already.

✿ Listening to his complaints, you destroy your nervous system. He gets better, and for the third night you have been awake thinking: “What if we don’t have enough money because of his problems at work? How can we live now? Maybe get a second job? Problems happen to everyone, and we can help and support each other, but we are not obliged to encourage inaction, self-pity, resentment against the whole world for injustice and cruelty. Especially if complaining is a lifestyle. With his whining about “there is no money,” he will ruin not only your mood, but your whole life. But he feels good: he poured slop on you and he felt better. And now you live with it as you want.

Everything is clear, male whining is evil and only evil, no good. Let's figure out what to do with it.

A man complains and whines - what NOT to do

Do not confuse the concepts of "pity" and "support"
The easiest way to make a nonentity out of a man is to start pitying him. Tell him: “I don’t really need a car, I’ll take the subway for a couple more years ... Don’t worry and don’t kill yourself like that, poor thing! The main thing is that we are together, and the rest is not important, because you never succeeded. I immediately saw what kind of person I was marrying. ” Instead of this monstrous humiliation, it is better to support him: “You are strong, tomorrow you will go and cope with everything, I have no doubt, because you have always coped with everything perfectly.”

Don't give him advice, don't solve the problem for him
It is the overcoming of difficulties that makes a person strong. If you do this for him, then you will also become stronger, and you will do even more for him, and so on in a spiral.

Don't bother doing everything yourself
Otherwise, in the end, you will plow yourself at home, and at work, and also carry a man on yourself to the bathroom and back. Some people whine trying to shift the responsibility for their affairs to others, including the wife. So that his wife sees how hard it is for him, and takes part of his unbearable burden. Yes, more! And the wife agrees to this not at all out of incredible kindness, but only out of fear of losing a man. Because she feels: she started whining, he doesn’t need me, suddenly he leaves, I will save him, solve his problems and stop complaining, and then you see, love will return. That's just for the return of love, you need not to save him, but to increase your attractiveness.

Don't try to outrun him in complaints
It sounds like: “Are you in trouble? This is still nonsense, now listen to what I have! And rushed ... Thus, you make two mistakes at once: you support him in whining, and make it clear that his problems are nothing compared to yours. And it's embarrassing.

Don't throw tantrums at him every time
It often happens like this: when complaining, a man is just trying to get your attention. By throwing a tantrum, you feed him, indulge him in his inability to attract attention to himself in civilized ways. If his complaints are a way to get at least some attention and participation from you, then your screams are much better for him than nothing.

Don't try to please and be nice
Only the positive one works worse than the negative one. You will train him that if he wants attention and affection, you need to whine and be pathetic. He whines, and you wave a fan around him, dance in your underwear and bring food from the kitchen. This is the best way to make a tyrant and a loser out of a man who whines without days off and a lunch break. In the end, he will become a loser, and, of course, he will blame you for this.

Do not doubt your choice
Of course, this is very convenient. The situation is just right to ask yourself the question - “Atomuliadala?” Get a negative answer and collect the bags. But think: if at the beginning of the relationship he was not a whiner, but became so with you, then most likely there is plenty of your fault in this, and it is in your hands to fix everything. If he has always been like that, then sometimes you can also wean. True, it is better with the help of a psychologist.

How to wean a man to complain - 13 sure ways

1. Remember that you are a woman

And you are not supposed to save a man by status. First, direct the conversation in a constructive direction, asking questions: “And what are you going to do about it? What do you think to do? Tell me how you will defeat everyone? Add that you are sure that he is your hero, a real man, and will easily cope with all difficulties. This will cheer him up. If the situation repeats itself, you can even cry with the words: “I’m so sorry, but I’m just a weak woman and I can’t help you with anything.” You put yourself weaker than him, and he understands that it’s better for you not to complain, otherwise he will console you with all the problems. Compared to the tears of a beloved woman, many difficulties are no longer so severe. He will understand that there is no demand from you, you need to think with your head. If not him, then no one, and so it is already much more interesting, and at the same time the attraction to you returns and intensifies due to your correct reaction.

2. Become more attentive to him

If it started recently and happens infrequently, then there is a chance that your man simply does not have enough attention and he is trying to attract him in this way. Ignore complaints, but at other times, when he does not complain and is cheerful, try to be more attentive to him. Bring coffee to bed, hug and kiss more often, greet him with joy, praise and thank him for all his actions, arrange romantic dates.

Creating close relationships that bring only joy is a real art and not an easy task. To make it easier, my husband and I created a game. I developed assignments based on my experience in counseling women and bringing them to fruition in personal coaching. Follow the link and create the relationship of your dreams playfully!

3. For health complaints, strongly send him to the doctor

Ignoring health complaints can end badly. Therefore, here is an ultimatum: either he goes to the doctor, or he endures silently in a Spartan way. You are not a magician and will not be able to diagnose by heavy sighs, and it is useless for you to complain.

4. Listen to complaints about your behavior and work on yourself

If a man complains about some areas of your life with him, for example, about your sex life or lack of it, about the food you cook, about the fact that you and your work or children do not devote time to him at all, or vice versa, you are stuck at home , have grown fat and there is nothing to talk about with you, or it may even be a shame to appear in public - instead of stupid insults, listen to him and resolutely correct the situation. After all, these are alarming signals for your family and it is only in your power to change everything.

5. Ignore him

If he always complains, with or without reason, endlessly and for everything, you can use heavy artillery. “No money” - you are on the phone. "The head of the goat!" - you for the vacuum cleaner. "There is a crisis in the country!" - you are for urgent purchases. If in response to such actions there will be a claim that you are not interested in listening to him at all, you calmly answer: “Darling, I am very interested in listening to you, but it is much better to talk about something positive. About your goals, successes, dreams, aspirations. Something good is happening in your life. Let's talk about it?"

6. Positively reinforce positivity

As soon as a “ray of light” flashes in the stream of blackness and hopelessness escaping from his mouth - something good, positive, you revive, smile, support him in every possible way and unambiguously hint that such conversations inspire confidence in you. And now he is the best man in the world! And so every time he accidentally starts talking about good things. Feel free to exaggerate your interest. If he asks why you are so happy, say: “Your positive conversations cheer me up, thank you!” If it turns negative again - lean, frown, shut up and apply the method of ignoring.

7. Move the conversation abruptly to another topic.

But not for boring everyday life like “Did you pay the rent?” Take the conversation in a positive direction - remind him of your joint goals, dreams, plans, ask about good things. Draw his attention to the bright side of life. If you cannot remember positive topics during the conversation, think them over and prepare in advance.

8. Tell him that such topics are not for you.

Suitable if he seriously decided that politicians burned through by corruption, dangerous bandits, deadly sores and other stories on the topic “how scary to live” can really be of interest to you, and he can’t ignore any of it. Be very upset, and in a mild form explain to him that such conversations make you sad, they make you want to shoot yourself, because you are a weak woman and cannot influence anything, therefore you feel your helplessness. Add that if he is so interested, then it is better to discuss such topics with friends, and not with you. He starts a similar topic again - repeat everything: get very upset and ask him not to tell you about it. After a few repetitions, he will get used to the fact that such topics are not for you.

9. Give him shock therapy

Or rather, a good thrashing. Not every time to hysteria, but after his next howl, throw one grand scandal. Suitable in those cases when he didn’t particularly complain before, but recently he has become more frequent with whining, you diligently tried other methods and for some reason they didn’t help, and you are already tired of listening to him every time.

Say that you are tired of his endless complaints, you fell in love with a strong man in him, and he is falling apart before your eyes. If something hurts him - let him go to the hospital, there is no money - he will change jobs, and in general he will learn how to solve his problems, instead of crying into your skirt.

I know of several cases where this worked, and instantly and forever. Suitable for those whose men are “normal” men, and not guys with a fine mental organization - this one will get scared, close and stop trusting you. Only you need to do this only once, and not after each of his lamentations. They listened, listened, accumulated, rushed and told him how tired you were of it. It is better not to use this method, or only as a last resort.

10. Stop being a whiner yourself.

Read Will Bowen's World Without Complaints.
Analyze your own behavior - how often do you yourself indulge in despondency? Then, with a miserable face, tell the man that you have noticed how badly complaints and negative thoughts are affecting your life. They give up and don't want to do anything.

Ask him to help you. From now on, you will wear a bracelet on your hand, and every time he catches you complaining, you will change the bracelet to your other hand. Tell him what the task is: do not change the bracelet for three weeks, that is, never complain for 21 days in a row, then the bracelet can be removed. And also you need to change the bracelet if you hear someone complain. He whines - you silently change the bracelet on the other hand, and he sees it.

That is, you just work on yourself, you don’t strain him in any way. But at the same time it will be difficult for him not to get infected. The trick is that, by monitoring your complaints, he automatically begins to notice such bad behavior in himself. Paying attention to the problem is halfway to solving it. He may even want to join you in this experiment, but this is not even necessary. After all, the influence of husband and wife on each other is very, very great.

Once I rented an apartment together with another girl, each of us had our own room. I put on the bracelet and told her about my personal experiment. How surprised I was when she quickly became infected with it! She liked to feel a surge of positive energy, and she also stopped complaining in just a few days, which is why she changed beyond recognition. And this is a girl with whom we were not even girlfriends, just roommates! What can we say about a loved one with whom you are firmly connected with brains, hearts and bodies.

The main thing here is not to expect anything from him, and not even to hint that "it would not hurt him either." The goal should be - your real work on yourself, and not on him. He may not be interested at all, this is normal. The less you push, the more likely you are to succeed.

11. From a dark past to a bright future

There are men who constantly suck on the topics of a dull past, boil in it and cannot calm down. If there is such a habit, then the next time your loved one launches another tirade on the topic “my terrible past”, ask him: “Was there anything good in your past? Let's talk about it! Was there absolutely nothing? Then let's enjoy the present, this wonderful moment! We love each other, we drink tea with delicious cookies together in our cozy apartment, and let's dream about how we will do it on the shores of the warm ocean on our next vacation? So you literally reprogram your man for positive thinking.

12. Help him to believe in himself

This can be done not with consolations, wiping away tears and turning yourself into a “superwoman” who will pull her beloved out of any apocalypse, but with clear words and actions. He began to complain - instead of “we can handle it,” say: “You can handle it, I don’t even doubt it, because you are the best and strongest, that’s why I fell in love with you.” And then - so that you were blown away! Anywhere: to mom, to the store, on business, to the toilet ...

You are not a dumpster to accept all this garbage. Pity the unfortunate squishy - that's not your support. Better make it clear that he can handle everything and he will cope with everything, because he always coped - this is the best support for a man. After all, every problem in your life together is an excellent opportunity for him to prove what a hero he is.

13. Give him a real giveaway

Often a man complains that money is given hard, but there is no return, and it is generally not clear why all this is needed. In this way, he is trying to convey to you how difficult it is for him, so that you are imbued with respect and admiration for him. This means that he does not get enough of it, and feels underestimated. This may be followed by love.

Here it is useless to recommend him to change jobs. Even worse - get a job yourself. Turning on austerity mode and giving up things for yourself will not help either. So he will understand that you can whine - and work much less. And degrade without achievements.

Better give him the return he wants - real support. Throw small and big parties with a cake and maybe even guests in honor of his next successful project, salary or promotion. Remember what happens at his work, ask about his successes, ask specific questions, showing interest in his achievements and your presence in his life.

Find positive qualities in your children with him and say: “Our son is smart and brave - all in dad”, “Our daughter always achieves her goal, all in dad”. Teach your children to appreciate his contribution to the family: “Your dad bought it all, now we will have something to eat for a whole week, go kiss him, he is such a hero!” By the way, I will write about how to motivate a man to have children, to take care of them and love them. So sign up for whatever suits you.