The main reasons for his wife's betrayal. The main reasons for treason. Male and female sexuality

For some, this is unacceptable, while others make it easy. Women who decide to cheat describe their feelings with words ranging from "enchanting" to "disgusting." Cheating often makes it possible to understand the value of a marriage relationship. It can be a cure for depression and even the beginning of a new life. Or it can destroy everything built over the years ...

16:29 23.01.2013

If society has come to terms with male infidelity for a long time, then the female continues to condemn. This is understandable: after all, most of us were brought up in families with traditional foundations. And we are by no means promoting treason. But to say that this is not the case is to close our eyes to the obvious facts. In big cities, the percentage of female infidelities is almost equal to that of men.

Psychologists assure that in extramarital affairs, ladies are looking primarily for emotional closeness, support and warmth, and not for new sexual experiences, like the stronger sex. If a man may not even remember the name of the girl with whom he “committed a sin”, then a woman, as a rule, decides to commit adultery only when she has feelings for the chosen one. And this means that female infidelity or thoughts about her are evidence of a family crisis. “By engaging in an extramarital affair, you essentially do not solve the problem in your relationship with your husband, but, on the contrary, complicate it even more,” insists the psychologist Yanina Zelichenok, who has been working with women “between two fires” for 10 years. - You create an illusion, convenient for yourself, that in the new union everything will be different. But it does not always happen otherwise. Close relationships require trust, frankness.

If you have been unable to do this in your own family, then it is not a fact that you will be able to create a more frank relationship on the side. " Cheating is not a sign of sexual promiscuity and lack of moral standards, but sweet self-deception. This is a compromise with yourself: not to divorce your husband, not to break your old life, but also not to deny yourself the pleasure of being loved. This is an attempt to create a situation in which "the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe." But how long can a "triple" relationship last? “All my life,” one of our heroines is sure. "Until you are ripe for another union," says the second. “Until you understand what is really valuable to you,” says the third. We do not take responsibility for finding out who is right and who is wrong. Let the psychologist comment on their stories. And you decide for yourself.

"Lovers do not interfere with my family!"

It's hard not to pay attention to this well-groomed young woman! Huge hazel eyes, light red curls, slender figure. Asya (she asked to change her name) 27, family experience - 5 years. When asked "How do you feel about adultery?" She just smiles mysteriously. And then the counter asks: “What do you mean by“ adultery ”?

This woman has everything: a wealthy husband, a big house. “My husband is twenty years older than me, he loves me very much. I, too, very ... appreciate him and will never exchange even for the most handsome man, - continues Asya. - For us, a family is a serious long-term project. And lovers do not interfere with my family union! "

Yes, a year after the wedding, Asya had another man. Her legal husband practically lived at work: he did not come before 10-11 pm, often traveled abroad, was busy even on weekends. “My friends envied me. I could go to expensive beauty salons, boutiques, not counting the money. And I ... envied them. She and their husbands went to picnics, went to the movies and bars, and could lie in bed all day. And I fell asleep alone, and woke up alone too. I was languishing with longing and loneliness. The moment came when I realized: either I am divorcing my husband, or I am finding a lover. "

Asya chose the latter. Her boyfriend was a former classmate Kostya, a guy with whom she had an affair before marriage. They met several times a week in Kostya's apartment, sometimes went to cozy cafes, even went to the sea for a couple of days. “And then something happened that I didn’t expect,” Asya continues. - Kostik fell in love with me and wanted to tell my husband about everything. I had to break up with him. I threatened that my husband, upon learning about the betrayal, would not spare Kostya - he would ruin both his life and his career. I did not exaggerate at all: my spouse is an influential person. "

And gray days dragged on again. But Asya already knew how to cheer herself up. “Now I have become smarter and more careful. I will never meet with a bachelor, so that he does not become jealous and he does not begin to take revenge on me. Married men are more reliable and don't demand anything. And I also reject gigolos - I cannot allow a lover to live at the expense of my husband. Although I rented an apartment for one of my boyfriends while his family lived in another city. "

Asya calls her lovers “younger husbands”. Maybe it was easier to divorce than to live with such a busy husband? However, the young woman had already considered this possibility. “I see my girlfriends. One counts a penny and constantly quarrels with her husband over a hundred hryvnia. Another husband is an alcoholic. The third lives more or less normally, but her husband works two jobs to pay off the loan for the apartment. Tell me honestly: in my place, would you divorce? "

Her husband really did a lot for her. Helped to get higher education. Thanks to him, Asya saw the world, learned French and English. There are many famous people among their acquaintances. “When I say that the family is a project, many smile sarcastically. No need to be ironic! It was my husband who helped my brother to get on his feet: now he has a small company. I can't complain about him: not once in 5 years did he raise his voice at me, much less raise his hands. I really appreciate it. "

Yes, he does. But he also deceives. Although Asya does not think that she is doing something illegal. “I don’t pass my husband, perhaps he also has an intimate relationship on the side. But we are husband and wife. And lovers are so much to unwind and not feel lonely. That is why I change them so as not to get attached and not to get used to it. "

This beautiful woman considers herself happy. It seems that she managed to derive a formula for her happiness. “There are no African passions in our marriage - everything is clear and logical. Yes, I have other men - so what? A good leftist strengthens a marriage, remember? And I know for sure! "

Now she is going to open her own business - a beauty salon. And in 3-5 years to give birth to a child. “The husband really wants children. But we agreed with him that this will happen after my thirtieth birthday. I don't know what will happen next, but now lovers for me are a way to brighten up everyday life and have fun. "

Commentary by psychologist Yanina Zelichenok

She doesn't know how to love

Asya has atrophied such concepts as decency, honesty, morality, morality, she has no family values. She does not know how to build relationships with men, how to love - she "has" them. The roots of this perception are in childhood. Most likely, Asya was not loved, and therefore she herself did not learn to love. But what is there to love: after all, she does not respect her men - neither the feelings of her husband, nor the feelings of lovers. At the same time, she herself does not feel discomfort: it makes no sense for her to advise something, the situation suits her, if she is really honest. Everyone has the right to live as he wants. If the demonstration of satisfaction is a mask, and in fact Asya is unhappy and wants change, she and her husband need to turn to an experienced consultant in the field of family psychotherapy. Perhaps they can achieve harmony. And if not, she should divorce and look for a new husband, while reading books on family psychology and interpersonal relationships and attending relevant seminars.

"We will be together. Not now"

Dima was not Ira's first man. But it was he - economic, calm, reasonable - who seemed to her a worthy candidate for her husband. “I can't say that I somehow fell madly in love with him,” admits this short, pretty brunette, 30 years old. - I saw that we are different, we often look at the same things from opposite sides. But then she thought it was good for marriage. Moreover, his practicality won over: Dima always knew how to make money, he already had an apartment bought on credit, his own car. And ... he loved me very much. I was ready for anything for my sake. Yes, he never wrote poetry to me, but he could give half his salary for a trinket that I liked, or with a temperature of 38 to go to meet me on the other side of the city ... No man treated me the way he did. "

They became a good couple. Gradually, the loan was paid off, a son was born. But ... for some reason Ira did not feel really happy.

“I was missing something all the time. It would seem that, a loving husband, the house is a full cup, what else is needed? The problem, probably, was that with Dima I felt comfortable, safe, but ... bored. He did not share my interests - he did not read books that I was delighted with, did not watch films that I liked, did not understand my musical predilections. I dreamed about traveling, and Dima - about his summer cottage. We got along well in everyday life, but ... we had nothing to talk about, except about the health of our son and the upcoming purchases! The saddest thing is that, as it turned out, many couples live this way. My friends talked about the same thing! There are small family joys. But at the same time you are lonely. "

It was the friend who told her about her way of dealing with family melancholy. “You go into the chat,” the brisk Lena taught, “you hide behind some romantic nickname like the Wanderer in the Night and communicate with the men for your pleasure. You might want to meet with someone - well, great, you will have dinner for free. As a rule, the relationship does not go further than this. You look at all of them - and you begin to appreciate yours. Take a chance!"

Ira took a chance. I talked to one, to the other, nothing interesting. And then he came into her window. And from the first words it became clear that it was him that she had been waiting for all this time. “It's hard to explain. I have never experienced this. He seems to be my reflection. His thoughts are my thoughts. He begins the phrase - I finish ... We corresponded for a month. And they immediately agreed on everything: he has a family, I have. We won't have anything serious - just communication. How! I called him first. I wanted to hear his voice. And I did not dare to open the photo for a long time. And when I looked, I was rather surprised - nothing to do with the man of my dreams. And when I went to the meeting, honestly, I was sure that I would be disappointed. I even rejoiced at this: as they say, out of harm's way. But ... He took my hand, looked into my eyes ... It is beyond words - energy. And, as the song says, one short meeting dragged on for several years. "

Ira talks very frankly about this relationship. The first time I slept with Igor - and cried with happiness, because before she did not know that a woman could experience SUCH. How she later went to bed with her husband and despised herself, calling herself with the very last words: "It would be better if he beat me or offended me - at least then I would not feel so guilty." How she sobbed at night from love for Igor, unable to stifle this desire, this passion in herself. How many times I tried to tell Dima about everything and put an end to this "vile story", but at the last moment she caught herself: she remembered that Igor also had a wife and a daughter. How the two of them took time off from work and spent an amazing time in rented apartments. “One hour with him is worth more than a month without him. It has everything I need. He is imprisoned for me. Created for me. This is a mistake of fate that we have not met before. And now everything is so complicated ... ".

Once they together under the pretext of a business trip left for Odessa. For the first time they walked embracing, not afraid to meet someone, openly kissing on the embankment. Freedom, romance, happiness! And when they returned home, such melancholy covered both of them, such a depression began that it became clear that this was no longer possible. And then they decided to leave.

“I spent a month without him. I don’t know how I lived this time. And then I wrote him a letter, could not stand it. And, believe me, when I pressed the "send" button, I received his letter - with the same text. In general, everything went over again. Meetings, partings, tears "...

For three years, there have been fewer tears. They accepted the rules of the game. Ira finally let go of her guilt - she allowed herself to be happy. And she was surprised when she realized that she began to treat Dima more warmly. “Little by little we got used to this kind of love,” she says with a bitter grin. - His wife has become almost a relative for me. We support each other during family troubles and problems. When my son is ill, we are consulted by Igor's dad, a pediatrician. I always give gifts to his daughter for the holidays. We are very respectful of each other's families. Do you think we do not understand that this is abnormal? Thousands of times pondered what is next.

Both seem to be ready for divorce. But every time something does not add up: when one ripens, the other stops. And the children are small. Dima loves his son. It's scary to imagine what a blow the thought of divorce will be for him. And how small will grow up without a dad? And I understand Igor: leave his wife with a six-year-old daughter, who is also very painful, just for the sake of his “I”? No, he would never do that. And we can't live without each other either. It doesn't work, we tried it. Life loses its taste and meaning. Once a clever man told me: you can't kill love. I know for sure that Igor and I will be together. Just not now - you have to wait a bit. Let the children grow up at least a little. "

Irin's phone is broken. "Yes, Dim, I'm on my way, I'll be there for dinner." And half a minute later - a new call. "It's okay, don't worry, kiss." Pause. Smile. "I love you too" ...

Psychologist's comment

Sheer self-deception

Ira should not deceive herself. Differences in interests, tastes, lifestyle, preferences cannot be unimportant! Indeed, for a close life of partners, love alone is not enough - psychological compatibility is also necessary. A serious problem has developed in the relationship between Ira and her husband, which she ignores. Self-deception doesn't end there. Ira believes that her romance with Igor is true love that has a future. But this is an illusion: like most married men, Igor, having an excellent mistress, is not going to divorce his wife.

It is convenient for him to live like this: twice as much affection, twice as much sex. And Ira should not hope that when her daughter grows up, he will go to her. There are many other excuses: the daughter needs to act, she does not find the language with her boyfriend and to leave her now is the height of selfishness, etc. In fact, this is how Igor covers up his dishonesty. As, in fact, and Ira. She came up with a sad tale of great love and difficult circumstances - and she justifies the fear of obligations and responsibility. This situation can last for years. It seems to be convenient: a husband for stability, a lover for the soul. But is she happy in her? Apparently not, because the lover will always put his wife's feelings above the Irins.

How to unravel this tangle? I would recommend the method of American psychotherapist Barbara de Angelis. Tough but effective. Ira needs to immediately break off her relationship with Igor and turn her attention to her marriage, which is going through a deep crisis. Let him try to do everything to save him: after all, if she and her husband have not yet divorced, then there is something that unites them! If nothing works out, then Ira should part with her husband, realizing at the same time that she is not leaving for Igor, but ending the unsettled relationship. And then everything is already possible: Igor will still leave his family, and he and Ira will be together. Or she will meet a new love.

"A casual connection nearly ruined my life!"

Olya got married early - at the age of 18 and, of course, out of great love. And if she had been told then that she would be unfaithful to her precious Volodya, she would never have believed it! “For some reason, everyone here thinks that a woman finds a lover only as a last resort - when life with her husband is unbearable,” says this plump 36-year-old blonde and looks at the floor. - But this is not always the case. Sometimes cheating is accidental. We lived normally: we raised Marinka, arranged our house, sometimes quarreled. But after a few years of marriage, the relationship became routine. I lacked tender words, madness, romance. My Volodya sometimes disappeared in the garage, then went fishing, then spent the whole evening with a newspaper in front of the TV. I stopped feeling like an attractive woman, although I knew that men liked me. But believe me, the thought of a lover did not occur to me. "

Now Olya calls that story "obsession." With her sister and daughter, she went to rest in the Crimea: her husband could not take a vacation in due time. Rented 2 rooms in a house by the sea. We lived with the hostess and her adult son. “As soon as I saw him, I realized that I cannot live,” says Olga. - Tall, slender, tanned, blue eyes, white oblique bangs and facial expression - you know, a slightly contemptuous grin. He immediately looked at me like that - they say that, weakly? And a hot wave swept through my body. He just turned 26 then. I'm 32. But I don't care about everything - that I was older, that I was with a child, that my husband was at home. And he immediately understood it. I realized that if he just wants to ... "

That evening Sashka went out for a walk. He was not there the next day. Olya was shaking. She wanted to see him by all means! And I was embarrassed to ask the hostess where her son was. I put my sister and daughter to bed and sat in the kitchen, waiting, pretending to be watching an old TV. The gate creaked. Olya imagined him entering the courtyard. She closed her eyes. And she opened it at the touch of his hand on her cheek. He looked at her, smiled and stroked her cheek, lips, hair ... “He seemed to me like an angel. When I touched it, my head was spinning. I was choking with happiness. That vacation flew by in a fog. And when I returned home, I realized: without Sasha I will suffocate. "

“You're a fool! - Olya's sister shouted. - He's a simple electrician! And you teach at the university! He will not connect two words! What are you going to do with him? Think about it! " But Olya did not hear: “I was breaking. I needed his eyes, his hands, his body. It seemed to me that he was a god from some unknown country. In reality, of course, I saw that Sasha was an ordinary provincial guy, and, my sister was right, I had nothing to talk about with him. But what is there ... He never saw the metro, he misused the cases. But I was not able to resist this passion, as if my mind had become clouded. " Olya came up with some kind of business trip - and again went to Alupka for a few days ... And when she returned, there was one "little" trouble: a delay in menstruation. Olya bought the test, but - strangely - it showed nothing! She could not find a place for herself. Suddenly it became really scary: what if she flew in? What kind of father will Sasha be? What to do next? Is she really ready to leave her husband to live with this, in fact, a stranger? ..

“I plucked up courage and called Sasha.

I just wanted to say that this is the situation, to hear some words of support. And instead of a greeting from the mobile, it sounded: "Well, why are you calling?" Music, girlish laughter came from the tube. I presented this picture so vividly: he is standing in an embrace with some youngster, and here I am with my problems. But I still squeezed out of myself: "Sasha, in my opinion, I'm pregnant." And do you know what you heard in response? “Are you sure it's from me? You never know who else you were with ... ”It brought me back to reality. As if a tub of cold water had been poured over my head. I have never felt so humiliated ... I hung up. "

After this "conversation" with Olga, hysteria began. When her husband returned from work, she sobbed and asked for his forgiveness. "What's wrong with you?" - Volodya did not understand. “I'm a bad wife,” Olya cried. “You are a good, good wife,” he reassured, and he himself thought that PMS had never manifested itself so brightly in his beloved.

Thank goodness the worries about an unplanned pregnancy turned out to be false. “Words cannot convey how relieved I was when my period started. And how long she blamed herself for what had happened. Yes, I got a thrill, and in the load - lies, guilt and humiliation. What was I to a lover? A casual partner, someone else's cheating wife. He had no feelings for me, I meant nothing to him ... Now I think with horror that I could forever lose my Volodya - kind, devoted and loving. For what? Short and dubious pleasure! Before starting a relationship on the side, think about the fact that you can break both your life and the lives of loved ones. "

Male infidelity hardly surprises anyone, and in some cultures, polygamy is even considered acceptable. Fewer and fewer representatives of the weak half of humanity believe in the loyalty of their spouses. Society treats female infidelity in a completely different way, and nevertheless, today this phenomenon is gaining momentum. Why do wives cheat on their husbands? We will analyze the reasons for this in this article.

Sex and love

So why do wives cheat on their husbands, which makes them commit such immoral acts? There are two main reasons for this: new love and a desire to take revenge on her husband. Moreover, in most cases, female infidelity occurs precisely in dysfunctional families, while men tend to “go left” even when they consider their marriage to be quite successful. For a man, love and sex are not the same thing, but for the fair sex, these concepts are inseparable.

By and large, women cannot imagine sex without love and commitment. Married ladies will all the more not behave inappropriately, unless they have a reason enough to do so. Sex for a woman is not just a process of intercourse, but something very significant, one might even say spiritual.

What is treason for a woman

Cheating on women rarely happens spontaneously. Most often, ladies decide on this only after everything is carefully considered and weighed. At the same time, we can say that cheating on her husband for the fairer sex is, in a sense, a desperate step. Usually, only when family well-being is not visible and there is no faith in a happy marriage, a woman is able to decide to commit adultery. That is why wives cheat, because sometimes such a scenario seems to a woman the only way out of this situation.

And if a man who has acted in the same way can return home, to his family, as if nothing had happened, then for a woman, as a rule, there is no going back. From the moment of betrayal, new feelings seize her, and in her heart there may no longer be room for her once beloved husband. The world familiar to her is crumbling, everything becomes different, differently - for real.

Lack of attention from the husband

The answer to the question of why wives begin to cheat on their husbands can be found in the depths of female psychology. One of the reasons for unsuccessful marriages can be a chilling relationship between spouses. This often happens when, over time, they bore each other and begin to move away. When a husband does not pay due attention to his wife, she feels abandoned, unhappy and unloved.

Loss of mutual interest, unwillingness to give in, find a compromise - these are far from all possible options for deteriorating relations in a couple. Over time, in such a family, the situation can heat up, the spouses will quarrel and conflict over various trifles. In the end, the husband becomes so distant from his wife that he simply ceases to notice her. He pays no attention to her, spends more and more time with friends, prefers to study the car or play computer games. Unfortunately, a man simply ceases to be interested in his wife as a woman. It is understandable why wives cheat in such an environment.

Is the woman to blame?

Many women, having married, forget about their belonging to the beautiful half of humanity. Previously, they tried to be beautiful and charming, but now, when the marriage has already taken place, they turn into ordinary-looking housewives, and aprons and dressing gowns become their outfits. However, there is nothing wrong with this, especially since family life requires its sacrifices, but nevertheless, a man may not be attracted much by the curlers on the head of his chosen one. As a result, a woman becomes less desirable for her man, from which a lot of disagreements occur in married couples.

In fact, all of the above, rather, may be the reason for male betrayal or even leaving the family. But if you're looking for an answer to the question of why wives cheat on their husbands, these factors should also be considered. The prerequisites for such female behavior lie precisely in the lack of attention of husbands to their halves.

The constant absence of a husband

Sometimes it happens that a woman seems to take care of herself and looks attractive enough, and her man loves her and worships her. But even in such families, not always everything goes smoothly. So why do wives cheat on their husbands, what is the reason for this behavior? In this case, a woman may lack the attention of her beloved husband due to the fact that he is constantly absent from home. He tries to provide for his family, makes a living and is forced to often go on business trips, attend business negotiations or simply stay late at work. The woman understands that this is necessary and appreciates her caring husband, but she still feels lonely.

At such moments in a woman's life, another man may appear, one who can be near, will be able to give what she lacks: warmth, care and love. Cheating happens because this other man is near and with him the woman feels needed by someone.

Revenge on her husband for treason

In the modern world, women quite often betray their husbands in revenge for their betrayal. They act on an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth principle, thinking that this is the best way to punish a traitor. It often happens that an offended lady can cheat on her spouse with the first man she comes across.

Revenge is a dish that is best served chilled. But why do wives cheat on their husbands in response to their betrayal, if by doing so they only aggravate the situation and, in addition to their spouses, also harm themselves? Of course, not everyone will take such a step, because a man is able to forgive his soul mate anything, but not treason. Even if he says that everything is fine, or does not find out about the betrayal at all, the woman will no longer be able to remain the same. She will always remember her betrayal, in which she will blame her spouse, and also despise him and herself for it.

In search of new sensations

Unfortunately, the relations of many married couples eventually come to a standstill, become kind of gray and monotonous. Both men and women may lack drive, this feeling that captured them at the very beginning, when they first met and realized that they fell in love with each other. But each new day becomes more and more similar to the previous one, and the fire of their feelings is gradually extinguished. Such a family is held together by children, the spouses are already accustomed to each other and are even sure that their love is mutual. But something is missing.

A woman who knows her husband like her own five fingers, when her husband becomes predictable, is looking for new sensations. This is the answer to the question of why wives cheat. Scientists' opinions on this matter are reduced to elementary physiology. As the senses weaken, the body's production of certain hormones also decreases, the presence of which makes a person happy and content. Sometimes, in search of thrills, a woman can cheat on her husband.

Sexual dissatisfaction

Often the reason for female infidelity lies in the inability of the husband to satisfy her sexually. However, the reasons for this may be caused by other factors. For example, certain living conditions do not allow spouses to be alone when they want to. Also, a similar problem can arise in a large family. In the end, a woman may decide to cheat in order to diversify her sex life and fulfill unrealized sexual fantasies. It's trite, but it happens.

What is the point of looking for the culprit in such cases? It is more correct to think not about why wives are cheating, but about how to prevent it. If in sexual terms, a married couple has any difficulties, then you need to look for ways to solve them, because cheating on these problems will not solve, but will only aggravate and add new ones.

The woman who thinks she deserves the best

This reason for treason is perhaps the most inexplicable. However, here, rather, all of the above factors are taking place - a little bit of everything. These are cases in which a woman, for various reasons, is not satisfied with the marriage, but she is also not ready to divorce. A woman can have a psychological attitude that she deserves the best, consider herself in some sense free, so she provides herself with almost unlimited opportunities for maneuvers. For her, marriage is just a social status. Trying to understand why wives cheat on their husbands on vacation or on a business trip, this factor should not be overlooked.

Having changed, such a woman does not feel guilty and even considers her behavior to be quite natural. Such an emotional attitude is initially dangerous, because a man, feeling that he is not appreciated, can also begin to behave accordingly.

Why wives cheat on their husbands. Scientists' opinions

Finally, it is worth giving here a few excerpts from the results of various studies on the topic of cheating. So, it is quite obvious that women who are unhappy in marriage are more likely to cheat - compared with prosperous families, in such couples side affairs occur 2.6 times more often. The likelihood that a husband will be betrayed by a sexually dissatisfied wife increases 2.9 times. These statistics show why wives cheat on their husbands, the reasons are always the same. And here are the statistics about those men with whom unfaithful wives have affairs:

12% - a guy who rolled in a public place;
20% are an old friend;
13% are former;
10% - a colleague;
1% is one of her man's friends;
44% is someone else.

British scientists were completely surprised, saying that women cheat more often than men. However, the fairer sex value the reputation of a "good wife", and also prefer not to brag about their adventures. They are much more careful and sophisticated both in the betrayal themselves and in hiding their tracks.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, all kinds of difficulties happen in the family life of people. Both husbands and their other halves cheat. But if everything is more or less clear with men, then why are wives cheating? The psychology of human relations, which has evolved over the centuries, has established a woman as a faithful keeper of the family hearth. The very betrayal contradicts her essence, because by betraying her husband, she betrays her family, her children and even herself.

After betrayal for a woman, there will be no turning back. She will always remember her act and is unlikely to be able, as before, to look her husband in the eye. Obviously, both men and women need to work on marriage and relationships. Married couples should solve all the problems and difficulties that have arisen together, together, and then, perhaps, no one will have a reason to cheat.

Why is a man cheating on his beloved? After all, sometimes he cheats on the one he loves and with whom he has an excellent relationship. Cheats with the one that means nothing to him. Why does he risk losing everything? The consequence of adultery is the collapse of the marital relationship. As statistics show, cheating happens very often in our time. Moreover, men cheat five to six times more often than women. Cheating is a rather complex phenomenon, which is based on many reasons.

Reasons for cheating on her husband

The topic of male infidelity in marriage remains an eternal mystery. She goes through the centuries and goes through the entire history of marital relations. There are many reasons for betrayal of men, and they are often very absurd. They lie in the field of physiology and psychology, in upbringing and in character. Recently, the sexual revolution of the middle of the last century and the obsessive propaganda of free sexual relations at the present time have played a significant role.

Physiology and love

Male love has its own characteristics, according to psychologists. Yes, there is something in a man's passion that distinguishes it from a woman's passion. Male love is fundamentally in the field of physiology, while the love of a woman is in the field of psychology. Sexual urge feeds all the senses of a man. Having reached her satisfaction, the passion gradually fades away. Women's love is long-lasting and a man needs to try very hard to make her stop loving him. Find out more on our website.

The next feature of men, according to experts, is their polygamy. What does it mean? Is this good or bad? Nature made them that way. Men have a desire for sexual diversity. They are biologically programmed to leave as many offspring as possible. To do this, you need to have a lot of sexual relationships with many women. This postulate can be taken into account, but you can be skeptical about it.

Another reason lying in the field of psychology is the difference in temperament. Pronounced extroverts cannot stand the routine and monotony of family life. They, like air, need new impressions and experiences, relationships and new contacts.

Love, family, betrayal

The reason for her husband's betrayal lies often in family relationships. When young people get married, they dream of a romantic adventure that will last a lifetime. But after six months, dreams are shattered by family life, material problems and the difficulties of living together. First, there is frustration, and then boredom in the relationship, diluted with endless showdowns. Boredom and the monotonous course of life push men to infidelity. Most often, cheating begins after 4 or 5 years spent together. Each person is a separate, unique and very complex world. Especially it concerns . According to psychologists, men who cheat on their wives because of their desire to add variety to the gray, boring family everyday life, to get away from solving the problems that naturally arise in marital relationships. Constant dissatisfaction with sexual relations with a wife is also a source of male infidelity.

During the first years of marriage, it is very important to learn how to communicate with each other. At the early stage of the relationship, there was mutual understanding and a desire to hear and understand your partner. Over the years, we seem to forget how to communicate with our loved ones. And men who are unfaithful to their wives declare that no one in the family understands that they are lonely. Are they able to understand their wives themselves? Love is a bonus given to us by nature for building relationships. But - this is work, and she does not accept "freebies". Unfortunately, modern man does not know how to work in love.

But they deceive not only the one from whom they are tired, but also the woman they love. Why do men cheat on their beloved wife, endangering the existing relationship? What are the reasons for this inconsistent behavior? This is:

the eternal desire of men for self-affirmation, including in the sexual sphere. By starting new relationships on the side, he increases his importance not only in the eyes of his friends, but also proves to himself that he is still good for something;
overestimated self-esteem pushes men to rash and often dangerous actions;
the desire to feel at least sometimes free from the family and fatigue from its problems;
monotony of family life. A mistress is a real adventure full of new impressions;
indifference to female charm. Men have a pronounced desire for conquest. If he likes a woman, and she is not against a relationship with him, it is difficult for him to give up another adventure, because not only women love with their ears, but also the strong sex is susceptible to flattery and compliments;
banal alcoholic intoxication;
when his wife turned out to be a random person for him. And this is already a question of a man's serious attitude to the choice of a life partner;
the mental immaturity of a man who does not know how to control himself and his primitive complexes.

How do men explain their infidelity?

Why do husbands cheat on their wives from a male point of view? Their explanations about the novels on the side are astonishing. Everything is simple with them, and the adventure on the side has nothing to do with feelings. Just think:

a little romance with a woman with whom he had a relationship even before he met his wife. Well, I met my ex-girlfriend, talked and just slept with her;
an easy adventure that means nothing to him, since the woman was indifferent to him;
there were several meetings and in general all these are temporary hobbies;
professional activities associated with frequent business trips;
features of male physiology and so on. And every unfaithful man has his own excuses.

Explaining their adventure, most of the men state that there was nothing interesting, that it was just a small adventure. It somehow happened by itself, it just happened that way. And their love affair had nothing to do with his wife at all. There was a situation where he simply could not resist. What's going on? Are men just slaves of their physiology, of their hormones? Or they like to feel like conquerors of women's hearts, confidently marching from one bed to another. And they, men, are sincerely surprised by the reaction of women to their deception: after all, nothing serious from their point of view has happened, and her response seems to them inadequate.

What is the reaction of a woman cheated on by a man? This is depression and confusion, misunderstanding and resentment, a dead end in marital relations. Cheating on her husband, among other things, is a powerful blow to a woman's self-esteem. The woman feels humiliated and insulted in her trust. This causes aggression, which then changes. What's worth going through? The woman is faced with the question: “What to do? Which way to choose to solve this difficult problem? " Psychologists offer the following solutions: forgive the deception, accept the situation and leave everything as it is, develop a plan and act on it and not forgive, Which one is the best? It all depends on the state of family relations.

If the marriage has long existed on paper, then it is better to divorce and not torment each other. At least there is an opportunity to meet new love, to find new relationships for yourself. If this is the first crack in the relationship, then it should be understood that the partner's infidelity is already the result of the existing marital relationship, that the time has come to change oneself and communication in the family. We need a cold analysis of the situation, a calm showdown and actions according to the developed plan.

Another option is to consider the reasons for the betrayal and forgive. Divorce is not always the best way out of this situation. Forgive and never remind your spouse about it. But this does not mean that everything should remain unchanged.

It's time to work on yourself. Or the next option: proudly and with dignity to wear branched horns on your head. Of course, every woman chooses her own model of responding to deception. But whatever the way out of the situation, betrayal changes everything: the family, and the relationship, and the spouses themselves.

Women's love is long and patient. A cure for a woman's passion can only be the time that separates her from her beloved. But her love is able to keep the relationship. But for this it is necessary to observe several rules from the very beginning of the relationship.

We are all selfish. If we do something for someone else, we do it, first of all, for ourselves. Therefore, you need to learn unconditional love and not demand a reward for it from your beloved.
Remembering what is good for us can be bad for a loved one. In a relationship, “good” should be for everyone. And forget about claims: they are the worst enemy of love relationships.
Never dissolve in love and in a loved one. In this case, we risk being left alone. They love interesting, strong, self-confident women. A tattered and read many times book, at best, goes to hell.

Why do men cheat, but prefer to stay in the family?

When a husband is unfaithful to his wife, he does not think about leaving for a mistress or a casual girlfriend and considers the wife's reaction to be excessive. Why does he stay in the family? There are reasons for this:

passivity and male laziness to change anything. Everything is very good with him - he has a home, a family and also a mistress. And if the wife does not even know about the presence of another warm nest, then it's just a miracle. Is it worth changing something, building new relationships;
fear of the future. It is unknown. The unfaithful husband does not know what awaits him if he breaks up with his wife. It is difficult to predict the reaction of close and distant relatives, or even friends, who are turned against him by his wife, how to communicate with children later. The problems are serious enough. Why complicate life if everything is fine. Who knows what surprises await him in a new relationship.

Unfaithful husbands try to stay in the family, even when their deception becomes known to everyone. Breaking up with his wife, leaving the family is a very serious step from the point of view of psychology. It's easier to justify your behavior for a thousand reasons.

Kings or Destroyers?

Men are like kings who quite often find themselves in the ruins of their kingdom. They are destroyers. This is their psychology.

It is no coincidence that the commandment "Do not commit adultery!" has existed for a long time and remains relevant today. This is a serious warning to men: cheating is the path to loss of health. Relentless statistics show that out of sixteen representatives of the stronger sex who have received a heart attack, eleven are victims of side trips.

In general, treason remains treason, deceit and betrayal, no matter what verbal garments they dress up in. It is not the strength of a man's sexual desires, but the weakness of his psyche that leads to betrayal of his wife. And the glorified predisposition of men to polygamy is a mixture of infantilism and cowardice, immaturity and personality weakness. This is the inability to make serious and responsible decisions, the lack of readiness for independent action.

It is difficult for men to admit that they are getting old and will die sooner or later, no matter how many mistresses they have and what kind of bed they were in. And the family, where you are needed, where you are believed and loved, probably means more than a series of sexual intrigues. So why do men cheat on their wives? Psychology does not give us an exact answer.

Female infidelity is less common than male infidelity. The weak half of humanity has a stronger attachment to family and a sense of duty. The legendary maternal instinct does not allow her to do stupid things once again. Moreover, the reasons for female infidelity should be more significant than male ones.

It has long been proven that gray matter works differently for us and for them. For a strong half of the world, life is built on setting and achieving something. Cognition of the world goes gradually from one intended and achieved goal to another. The man's goal is to achieve the PURPOSE.

A woman sees the world as a whole, without focusing, gradually highlighting individual moments in her. She does not calculate the path to the goal, but the RESULT of its achievement.

If a man is cheating, he does not consider the consequences. He needs to achieve what he has planned by any means. If we women always remembered this, then there would be no betrayal. It's so easy to change its purpose!

Female infidelity is about results. A woman knows the consequences in advance and counts on them. She needs a result, even if there is no object for treason yet. She intuitively sees the future perspective.

She doesn't need treason as a fact. She hopes either for a divorce, or that her husband will treat her differently, love her, appreciate her, or for the future with another person. Therefore, often a woman is not very eager to observe conspiracy. Therefore, she often admits herself: "I cheated on you."

Reasons for female infidelity

One of the reasons for infidelity is curiosity. So in our article we will not consider it, because it is not typical for women. Not because we are not curious (yet!), Simply, having calculated the result of this curiosity, no normal woman will cheat.

Consider the main factors that push HER to adultery.

Family discord

It is difficult to live if life is bad. It is good if a woman has several habitats, for example, a summer house, a house and a job. Somewhere so you can rest your soul. And if only the house, or at work is also unbearable? And if the same family and the same discord at the dacha? If there is nowhere to get away from the negativity, there is no place where you would be appreciated, respected and loved ?!

There are three ways out:

Come to terms... Believe that you deserve it. Fold your wings and live in what is. Such women with extinct eyes and withered wings walk the streets. It's good that they are getting smaller and smaller.
Fight... Change behavior, appearance, interior. Redirect your spouse to yourself, to love. Go to a psychologist together, browse the Internet.
Treason... But it can also be different:

you can change your family by finding yourself a parallel life: sports, amateur performances, hiking with friends. This betrayal often reanimates relationships. The man realizes himself, begins to look at his wife from a new angle;
body cheating... Only with the body a woman rarely succeeds. Any, even casual sex goes through our souls. And there is no point in changing only with the body. If the soul remains there, on the field of family battles, it will not be easier from just having sex. We need a parallel life in which everything is fine.

Sex. Dissatisfaction in bed

Yes! It was previously believed that orgasm is an exclusively male affair. In principle, it was so. Even today, 25% of women do not have an orgasm. And this is with the current emancipation and sexual emancipation. Centuries, when a woman was only a tool for pleasure, have an impact.

Can you imagine how these 25 percent of women live? In the morning to work (a necessity), in the evening household chores - cooking, washing, cleaning, children (a necessity), sex at night (a necessity!). No gap. No pleasure in life, just responsibilities.

A female orgasm is not only a ray of light, a spoonful of honey in the ointment of family life. This is the absence of depression, increased self-esteem and a decrease in the risk of gynecological diseases.

If the wife does not receive this in the family, she has to either come to terms with all the ensuing consequences, or look on the side of someone who will make her feel like a full-fledged woman. There is also a third option - to go together to a sex therapist.

New hobby

She fell in love, got married, gave birth to children. The order of events may be different. Not the point is important. The main thing is that everything has already developed at the very least: everyday life, sex, kindergarten, shopping, holidays and relatives. And suddenly she meets him, the one she dreamed of all her life.

Since we have agreed with psychologists that a woman strives for results, imagine these results:

Divorce... Children grow up without their own father. It's not a fact that the new dad will love and accept them.
Living together with a new passion... So life again, sex, kindergarten ... But all this is burdened by the presence of the past.
Great and beautiful seen from a distance... Approaching, we begin to frown at the smell from the mouth and blackheads on the nose.

What if you're lucky, and he turns out to be the ideal that I read about in novels. Oh well.

Revenge

Change your husband in response to his betrayal! Let it feel what you feel! It serves him right. Yes, but then you have to indulge in all serious things right in front of him. If he doesn't know, he won't worry. Secret betrayal just doesn't make sense. Well, maybe to amuse your pride.

Good. To secretly scratch your pride, will you throw yourself into the arms of the first person you meet? Hardly, you are a normal woman. It is necessary to take revenge fully, getting pleasure from it. This means that you need to look for an object that you liked at least.

The object was quickly found. You come off with your lover, getting pleasure from everything that happens and carefully hiding your betrayal from your spouse. Here the question arises: is this revenge? Maybe you were just waiting for an excuse to fulfill your desires?

By the way! You can make your husband feel jealous without cheating, but only by imitating betrayal.

Influence of age

Everyone knows the saying "Gray in the beard is a devil in the ribs." Popular wisdom has long noticed what psychologists now call the "midlife crisis."

The children grew up, became independent, there was a lot of free time. Wrinkles, gray hair and thoughts appeared. Old age has ceased to be a distant future, and you have not realized at all, have not loved, have not completed what you wanted.

Self-pity, depression, emptiness and frustration on the one hand. On the other hand, there is a great desire to make a bright spurt (acceleration at the finish line), to have time to do something, well, at least to fall in love with it.

At this age, men and women get divorced, have lovers, commit suicide and do other various stupid things. They are trying to prove to society and to themselves in the first place that all is not yet lost, that "there is still gunpowder in the flasks", and so on.

Bravo to those who do not hang themselves and do not fall into depression, but try to shake the world with new events. Well done! If there are no other opportunities or talents, then at least in the simplest way that everyone can - sex.

Consequences

The world is old. Everything that happens to you has happened to someone for a long time. Meticulous statistics even provide numerical data on the possible consequences of treason:

50% of families continue to exist. Relationships are maintained for the sake of children, property, or public opinion. Spouses tolerate each other, reassuring themselves that everyone lives like this. Cheating continues;
30% of families get divorced;
20% of families experience this as a crisis, revolution, ordeals. Drawing conclusions, comparing, waking up forgotten feelings in the bustle, a man and a woman experience a new honeymoon and live happily on.

When you think about cheating on your life partner, which of the three results do you expect?

Video: About the reasons for adultery

By registering their relationship, the happy bride and groom swear to each other in eternal love and fidelity. Probably, in an ideal world, all spouses would live a long and happy life without betrayal and betrayal, but in reality many have to put up with the fact that a husband or wife goes "to the left".

Male infidelity is no longer considered something unusual, society often justifies them, although, of course, few will be able to live with such a husband. For a long time, female infidelity was perceived as something out of the ordinary.

However, times are changing, and the number of women cheating on their husbands is increasing. According to statistics from family psychologists, about half of all women cheat on their husbands, while according to official statistics, only about 25% of the fair half of humanity admit to being unfaithful to their spouses. Why do wives cheat?

Psychology and nature of female infidelity

Despite the fact that both husbands and wives are cheating, the reasons that push them to this rash act are completely different. Let's analyze and understand how male infidelity differs from female infidelity.

The psychology of infidelity on the part of a woman

Why do men cheat? Psychologists, especially those who support the teachings of S. Freud, believe that a strong half of humanity cannot exist without adultery, since they obey the call of nature and try to fertilize as many individuals of the opposite sex as possible.

Women do not have such a need. The main thing for her is to choose the best father for her child in order to give birth to healthy offspring. Therefore, a girl rarely seeks to increase the number of men, but it is important for her that her chosen one is the best.

This is the crux of the problem. A girl can fall in love, and her chosen one seems to her the embodiment of masculinity. She comes up with a hero for herself, in which all the best qualities of a man are embodied: strength, activity, reliability, passion, and so on. But then she realizes that she was wrong.

There are no perfect people. However, she strives to find one, and it does not matter that others think her husband is the best. Pleasing a woman is not easy. If the family does not have enough money, she dreams of a wealthy person. The one who bathes in luxury complains that her husband pays little attention to her.

And so it is always: the one who is close - seems boring and not what it should be, and the one who is not with her - the best. After some time, she finds herself in the same bed with him. Most likely, a new disappointment awaits her, but for a while she believes that she has met the love of her life.

But there may be other reasons for cheating. We'll talk about this later.

The main differences between male and female infidelity

We figured out how men's infidelity differs from women's, but to summarize, we will write down the main differences point by point:

Love. To cheat on a wife, a husband doesn't have to fall in love with a new partner. Women cheat on men only if they have feelings for their lover. There should at least be sympathy.
Choosing a partner. A man is ready to seduce any girl if she seems attractive to him. Girls will keep an eye on their partner. First, they need to make sure that it really suits them.
Development of a relationship. If the husband finds a mistress, he does not think about divorce. In the case of a wife's infidelity, everything is much more serious. He believes that he will someday be with his lover, and can easily leave his family.

The most common reasons for female infidelity

We figured out what is the nature of female infidelity, its psychology. However, many girls do not live by obeying only instincts. Still, a person knows how to control his behavior, especially if he received the right upbringing.

Why does a woman cheat? Why is she ready to forget her moral principles and then suffer from remorse?

Psychologists identify many reasons that can push for treason:

Revenge. The spouse cheated, and the wife decided to take revenge on him in this way. Or she is already tired of arguing with her husband, she does not like the way he behaves with her, so she decided on such revenge.
Disappointment. The girl was used to the fact that her chosen one paid her a lot of attention. He tried to conquer her, so he was caring, gentle, and after he achieved what he wanted, he stopped noticing her.
Incompatibility in bed. Spouses have different temperaments. If the wife is passionate, loving, and the husband does not need frequent sex, she may think about going “to the left”.
I want to be desired. Every girl would like to remain the most beloved and desired. If she is not appreciated in marriage, she will find something that will admire her.
Craving for new sensations. Living together often ruins feelings. The wife managed to study her husband, she knows all his habits. And she wants something new in life, something that will make her days unforgettable. She needs new emotions, and in marriage she cannot get them.

Hasty marriage. The girl got married early. And now she needs to cook for her husband, take care of the household, the children, while her friends are running around on dates at this time. And she also wants the same carefree life.
Desire for the forbidden fruit. The girl could have her own moral principles, but the person changes, reconsiders his views on life. And she can already afford and treason, since this is the taboo that she would like to break.
She wants to be modern. If all her friends and acquaintances run "to the left", she reads articles, watches programs that do not condemn such behavior, the wife is cheating on her husband, because she does not want to be a "black sheep" among her entourage.

We have listed some of the reasons for female infidelity, but this, of course, is not all. There are a lot of them. And each family has its own story, each girl has her own motives, it would be difficult to sort it all out on the shelves, since it is impossible to subordinate feelings to some strict logic.

How to prevent cheating on the part of a woman?

If a woman finds herself another man, it will be difficult to rectify the situation. She will not want to stay with her husband if her relationship has become serious on her side. And not every man is capable of accepting a wife who has been in the arms of another.

Therefore, you should not go to extremes, it is better to work on the relationship in marriage, to prevent betrayal, since an attempt to return to your old life may be unsuccessful. These tips are simple, they may seem trivial to some, but it is not in vain that they say that all ingenious is simple.

Remember to make time for your wife. Yes, after work I want to spend time at the computer or TV. You may have a thousand things to do and hobbies, but put some of them aside and spend time with your spouse.
Become the person closest to her. If the spouse can talk with you about everything that worries her, share her experiences, feelings, she will not have the desire to look for someone on the side. Here, respect for a woman, for her interests is also important, otherwise she will find someone else who will understand her or pretend to understand.
Let off steam. This advice may seem strange, since for many it is a family without quarrels and scandals that seems ideal. But psychologists warn that then there is a high probability that the spouses are indifferent to each other. Therefore, there should be conflicts, speak out grievances. Then they won't ruin your relationship.

Discuss your intimate life. If you live together, then you no longer have secrets from each other, so you can easily talk about your intimate life. Ask your wife if everything suits her.
Don't forget about mutual respect. Try to respect her feelings, do not do what she does not like. But ask her to make concessions to you and listen to your opinion.
Fight the routine. If you have lived together for a long time, there is a desire to let everything take its course, and live the way you have to. But still, it is worth sometimes arranging pleasant surprises, organizing events for the family to make your life more interesting.
Don't be jealous. If a woman constantly hears her husband reproaching her for treason, although there is no reason for this, then sooner or later she will cheat on him. She decides that it is pointless to prove something to you and it is easier to behave as you expect from her.

Remember that for a woman, cheating on her spouse is not just a fun adventure, but more often than not a serious stressful situation. A woman does not change immediately, usually she decides to take this step not under the influence of suddenly surging feelings or desires, but after prolonged experiences and worries.

Therefore, if you sort out the relationship in time, make her remember the feelings that she felt for you, you can prevent cheating and all its negative consequences.

What if the wife cheated?

What to do if there was betrayal, to forgive or not to forgive your spouse? It is difficult to answer this question, it all depends on the specific situation, on the relationship in marriage. Perhaps this betrayal, although painful for both spouses, will be a turning point in their lives.

If you no longer have a relationship, feelings have disappeared, then parting may be the best way out. But, even if you made such a decision, it is still worth forgiving a woman in order to get rid of resentment and hatred, let go of this relationship and move on.

According to statistics, about 40% of men are ready to forgive adultery (for women, this percentage is higher - 70%). But for those who decided to keep the relationship, it is important to understand that they will not be the same as before. You will have to rebuild them so that the situation does not repeat itself.

And, if you already decided to be in the place again, forget about what happened to you, never reproach your spouse, do not blame her, otherwise all your attempts to build new trusting relationships will be unsuccessful.