Spiritual impasse. Mother Lyudmila Borodina: There was no theory of family life

Archpriest Theodore Borodin: It is not the family that makes a person unhappy, but the inability to love. Sociologists have found that there are fewer happy people among family Russians than among single people. Problems with money, housing, doctors and education drive children into depression. What to do if a believer realizes that the claws of everyday troubles have "reached out" to him? The head of a large family, Archpriest Theodore BORODIN, in the Moscow Church of St. unmercenaries Cosma and Damian on Maroseyka

Of course, a person has less freedom in marriage. But that's all. Otherwise, people in the family, on the contrary, are much happier. After all, happiness is when you love and you are loved. It is much easier to realize this in a family. Probably, the survey in question was carried out among people who are far from not only the Church, but also from the Christian understanding of life in general. These very sad results of the poll are yet another evidence of the deepest crisis in the understanding of the Russian people of what the institution of the family is. It seems to me that the main wealth of a person on earth is the people who love him. The more there are, the richer a person is. The family is just such people: a wife who did not exist, but now she is; children who did not exist at all, and now the Lord has given them to you. If a person loves only himself, then, of course, it is harder for him in the family. It is not the family that makes a person unhappy, but the inability to love. Recently I was looking closely: which of my parishioners and acquaintances looks happy? It turned out that these are people who work in the field of Christian service to others, for example, in the Martha and Mary Convent or in orphanages. They receive very little - not only money, but also gratitude. And the eyes are shining. The Lord said: “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). You could also say that it is happier to give than to receive. That is, a person who knows how to give, has a taste for it and finds joy in it, is happier than someone who only knows how to take and looks for joy in this.

If you feel unhappy, you should say: "Lord, grant me to see my sins." Because those gifts that the Lord was ready to give you, you did not receive - you didn’t work, you were not ready, you didn’t hold out. Of course, it happens that the second spouse behaves ugly. Family is big-big log carried at two ends. If you let go at the other end, then you won't hold back either. Sometimes a family falls apart because of another person. But did you do everything yourself? Was he humbled? Have you listened? The modern man, unfortunately, does not know how to do this at all.

Once I was talking to a man whose family was beginning to fall apart. Both he and she are believers, parishioners of our church, married, churchgoers. According to him, his wife was to blame for everything. For an hour and a half I tried to reach out to the person so that he saw his part of the guilt, but nothing worked for me. And then I asked: "When you got married, did you even want to make her happy?" He looked at me in surprise: "Oh, but I didn't even think about it." If a person marries or gets married in order to become happy himself, and not to serve, then this is a dead end. Even if a person serves in expectation of a reward, but does not receive the reward - happiness, it means that this service is not yet completely pure, although it is taking place.

Family and Personality # 0 "0000 Archpriest Theodor Borodin: It is not the family that makes a person unhappy, but the inability to love. Print version09.08.13, 09:00 Sociologists have found that there are fewer happy people among family Russians than among single people. Problems with money, housing, doctors and schoolchildren drive them into anguish. What to do if a believer realizes that the claws of everyday troubles "have reached" him? 1640. Of course, a person's freedom in marriage becomes less. But that's all. Otherwise, people in the family, on the contrary, are much happier. After all, happiness is when you love, and you are loved. In a family it is much easier to realize. the survey in question was conducted among people who are far from not only the Church, but also from a Christian understanding of life in general. These very sad survey results are another evidence of the deepest crisis of understanding the Russian people of what the institution of the family is. It seems to me that the main wealth of a person on earth is the people who love him. The more there are, the richer a person is. The family is just such people: a wife who did not exist, but now she is; children who did not exist at all, and now the Lord has given them to you. If a person loves only himself, then, of course, it is harder for him in the family. It is not the family that makes a person unhappy, but the inability to love. Recently I was looking closely: which of my parishioners and acquaintances looks happy? It turned out that these are people who work in the field of Christian service to others, for example, in the Martha and Mary Convent or in orphanages. They receive very little - not only money, but also gratitude. And the eyes are shining. The Lord said: “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). You could also say that it is happier to give than to receive. That is, a person who knows how to give, has a taste for it and finds joy in it, is happier than someone who only knows how to take and looks for joy in this. The less a person knows how to give and serve others, the less happy he is, no matter how much money, cars, yachts and houses he has. Happy is the one who realizes his ability to give and serve - and we know how many happy poor people and how many unhappy rich people. This is an axiom, you don't need to talk about it. It is this lack of understanding of the nature of the family that makes people feel as if they are unhappy. And if it seems to a believer that way, if family life with its worries instead of joy drives him into depression, it means that he has made a mistake somewhere in the structure of his family. If this happens to you, then you are in something wrong. If you look at the Orthodox theology of the family - and it is almost all contained in the words of the Sacrament of the Wedding - then it speaks of glory, and honor, and joy. In the Sacrament of the Wedding, the priest says that husband and wife should have such joy as the holy Empress Helena had when she found the Life-giving Cross. Can you imagine how happy she was? If this is not the case, then there is a failure somewhere inside you. The reasons for despondency are, as we know, within a person, and only reasons for despondency are outside. The main reason for despondency is always pride and selfishness. A humble person does not lose heart in any situation; this is an axiom of Christian spiritual experience. If a person becomes discouraged, it means that somewhere there was an exaltation. If family life does not give satisfaction, then I do not get what, as I thought, as I imagined, I should receive. But in fact, family life is a constant transcendence of oneself. You get to know the world and God through the eyes of a loved one, everything is revealed to you from the other side. You should not try to squeeze out another person "for yourself." Friend - from the word "other". To be able to be friends is to be able to accept another different, not what you think he should be. The ability to hear and understand this is the beginning of the path, and then work. If you feel unhappy, you should say: "Lord, grant me to see my sins." Because those gifts that the Lord was ready to give you, you did not receive - you didn’t work, you were not ready, you didn’t hold out. Of course, it happens that the second spouse behaves ugly. The family is a big, big log that is carried at two ends. If you let go at the other end, then you won't hold back either. Sometimes a family falls apart because of another person. But did you do everything yourself? Was he humbled? Have you listened? The modern man, unfortunately, does not know how to do this at all. Once I was talking to a man whose family was beginning to fall apart. Both he and she are believers, parishioners of our church, married, churchgoers. According to him, his wife was to blame for everything. For an hour and a half I tried to reach out to the person so that he saw his part of the guilt, but nothing worked for me. And then I asked: "When you got married, did you even want to make her happy?" He looked at me in surprise: "Oh, but I didn't even think about it." If a person marries or gets married in order to become happy himself, and not to serve, then this is a dead end. Even if a person serves in expectation of a reward, but does not receive the reward - happiness, it means that this service is not yet completely pure, although it is taking place. Of course, family is incredibly difficult. But an excellent way to overcome many difficulties is daily prayer together. Even if the husband and wife quarrel or something goes wrong between them, but in the evening they will force themselves to get up for joint prayer, then what we expect from the family will be reborn. The small Church will be restored as a union of people united by the presence of the Holy Spirit. Through this, everything can be overcome. It is no coincidence that in traditional cultures, for example, in the 15th century, parents could introduce a young bride and groom directly before marriage, in collusion or at an engagement, and I think there were fewer unhappy marriages and divorces. And in general there were more happy people than now. I know many such families in our time - mostly priestly, where people before marriage, not only did not live together, as is now customary among secular people, but practically did not know each other. But the confessor blessed - we got married, and I am a witness: these are happy families. The century is no longer the XV, but the XX and XXI, and the mechanism for achieving happiness is the same: happiness is in service.

Family and Personality # 0 "0000 Archpriest Theodor Borodin: It is not the family that makes a person unhappy, but the inability to love. Print version09.08.13, 09:00 Sociologists have found that there are fewer happy people among family Russians than among single people. Problems with money, housing, doctors and schoolchildren drive them into anguish. What to do if a believer realizes that the claws of everyday troubles "have reached" him? 1640. Of course, a person's freedom in marriage becomes less. But that's all. Otherwise, people in the family, on the contrary, are much happier. After all, happiness is when you love, and you are loved. In a family, it is much easier to realize. the survey in question was conducted among people who are far from not only the Church, but also from the Christian understanding of life in general. These very sad survey results are another evidence of the deepest crisis of understanding the Russian people of what the institution of the family is. It seems to me that the main wealth of a person on earth is the people who love him. The more there are, the richer a person is. The family is just such people: a wife who did not exist, but now she is; children who did not exist at all, and now the Lord has given them to you. If a person loves only himself, then, of course, it is harder for him in the family. It is not the family that makes a person unhappy, but the inability to love. Recently I was looking closely: which of my parishioners and acquaintances looks happy? It turned out that these are people who work in the field of Christian service to others, for example, in the Martha and Mary Convent or in orphanages. They receive very little - not only money, but also gratitude. And the eyes are shining. The Lord said: “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). You could also say that it is happier to give than to receive. That is, a person who knows how to give, has a taste for it and finds joy in it, is happier than someone who only knows how to take and looks for joy in this. The less a person knows how to give and serve others, the less happy he is, no matter how much money, cars, yachts and houses he has. Happy is the one who realizes his ability to give and serve - and we know how many happy poor people and how many unhappy rich people. This is an axiom, you don't need to talk about it. It is this lack of understanding of the nature of the family that makes people feel as if they are unhappy. And if it seems so to a believer, if family life with its worries instead of joy drives him into depression, it means that he has made a mistake somewhere in the structure of his family. If this happens to you, then you are in something wrong. If you look at the Orthodox theology of the family - and it is almost all contained in the words of the Sacrament of the Wedding - then it speaks of glory, and honor, and joy. In the Sacrament of the Wedding, the priest says that husband and wife should have such joy as the holy Empress Helena had when she found the Life-giving Cross. Can you imagine how happy she was? If this is not the case, then there is a failure somewhere inside you. The reasons for despondency are, as we know, within a person, and only reasons for despondency are outside. The main reason for despondency is always pride and selfishness. A humble person does not lose heart in any situation; this is an axiom of Christian spiritual experience. If a person becomes discouraged, it means that somewhere there was an exaltation. If family life does not give satisfaction, then I do not get what, as I thought, as I imagined, I should receive. But in fact, family life is a constant transcendence of oneself. You get to know the world and God through the eyes of a loved one, everything is revealed to you from the other side. You should not try to squeeze out another person "for yourself." Friend - from the word "other". To be able to be friends is to be able to accept another different, not what you think he should be. The ability to hear and understand this is the beginning of the path, and then work. If you feel unhappy, you should say: "Lord, grant me to see my sins." Because those gifts that the Lord was ready to give you, you did not receive - you didn’t work, you were not ready, you didn’t hold out. Of course, it happens that the second spouse behaves ugly. The family is a big, big log that is carried at two ends. If you let go at the other end, then you won't hold back either. Sometimes a family falls apart because of another person. But did you do everything yourself? Was he humbled? Have you listened? The modern man, unfortunately, does not know how to do this at all. Once I was talking to a man whose family was beginning to fall apart. Both he and she are believers, parishioners of our church, married, churchgoers. According to him, his wife was to blame for everything. For an hour and a half I tried to reach out to the person so that he saw his part of the guilt, but nothing worked for me. And then I asked: "When you got married, did you even want to make her happy?" He looked at me in surprise: "Oh, but I didn't even think about it." If a person marries or gets married in order to become happy himself, and not to serve, then this is a dead end. Even if a person serves in expectation of a reward, but does not receive the reward - happiness, it means that this service is not yet completely pure, although it is taking place. Of course, family is incredibly difficult. But an excellent way to overcome many difficulties is daily prayer together. Even if the husband and wife quarrel or something goes wrong between them, but in the evening they will force themselves to get up for joint prayer, then what we expect from the family will be reborn. The small Church will be restored as a union of people united by the presence of the Holy Spirit. Through this, everything can be overcome. It is no coincidence that in traditional cultures, for example, in the 15th century, parents could introduce a young bride and groom directly before marriage, in collusion or at an engagement, and I think there were fewer unhappy marriages and divorces. And in general there were more happy people than now. I know many such families in our time - mostly priestly, where people before marriage, not only did not live together, as is now customary among secular people, but practically did not know each other. But the confessor blessed - we got married, and I am a witness: these are happy families. The century is no longer the XV, but the XX and XXI, and the mechanism for achieving happiness is the same: happiness is in service. Yes, there are things that cannot be tolerated. Can't be tolerated adultery drunkenness. They are destroying, killing the home Church. You can put up with everything else, although it is very difficult, because modern man not ready for this. One priest I knew told me how a sleek lady came to him, accompanied by a security jeep. Children study in London, everything is there, but in life she was disappointed and she has nothing to do. Father suggested both, but she replied that she had already tried to pray and fast, but nothing helped. And the priest replied: “And you get into your jeep with security, go to Tverskaya, for example, in the region, to some orphanage. Look how the children live there. " She snorted and walked away. And three months later she returned: a completely different person, her eyes shine. She said that at first she was offended by the priest, and then she thinks: since nothing helps, then we must try this too. I went to the orphanage, began to help, attracted all the girlfriends from my Rublevka. She started a new life.

At first, one spouse expresses dissatisfaction, and the second is silent and only after five days puts out his point of view. A week later, they discuss joint claims. How to survive in marriage - advice from the rector of the temple of Cosmas and Damian on Maroseyka, Archpriest Fyodor Borodin.

Why didn't you hear ?!

Archpriest Fyodor Borodin. Photo by Anna Galperina

Every modern priest has vast experience in witnessing the breakdown of marriages. Church marriages, which people sincerely desired and were going to build as a temple, as a small Church of Christ. But a certain number of years pass, and everything falls apart. And it is almost never impossible to explain, to help. It is especially bitter if the priest saw the birth of this family, performed the Sacrament of the wedding. The priest also feels like a loser and a lost.

If these people continue to go to church, continue to communicate with the priest, to confess, then almost always after a few years, most of them understand that it was possible to avoid the collapse of the family, they begin to see their mistakes. One parish marriage recently broke up. Several years have passed, and one of the spouses tells me: "How I broke my second spouse for myself!" I just want to answer with bitterness: “So I told you so much about what you do, why you break your soul mate! Why didn't you hear ?! "

There are dozens of such stories when it was possible to safely avoid the death of a family. You just had to put up with it. Yes, such a banal, worn-out word, but nothing can replace it. After all, marriage is an experience that God gives to a person in order for him to go beyond himself.

In marriage, you meet with another universe, and if you love a person, then you begin to comprehend it, see the world, God there, see the people around you through the eyes of your spouse. His (her) experience is revealed to you through love. And this experience is different. Humility is going beyond oneself, one's truth, conviction, one's knowledge “as it should”.

God truly gives you the experience you need to be saved. Any priest can recall what he also faced many times, when elderly spouses who have lived for many decades in marriage, maybe even a very difficult life, say the following words: “Yes, I grumbled, I was discouraged, I tried to throw everything off, but now I I understand that God gave me this person and he is the only one that I really needed. " Those people who nevertheless go through all the trials without breaking off the marriage, then, sooner or later, thank God for this marriage.

When a person goes through trials, he just needs to cross himself out for a while, shut himself up and try to see the whole situation through the eyes of another person: through the eyes of a husband, through the eyes of a wife, and try to understand what is wrong with me. And then we will almost always see that our, as it seems to us, tragedy is that we are simply trying to use this person and make him be the way we want, and do not want to accept him as he is. We can't make us break it for ourselves, remake it in our own way, and we are angry with him for that. Instead of surprise, joy, silence, perhaps, comprehend the experience of life, which is given to our soul mate.

The bitterness of the situation is that, over and over again from the solution of these problems, a person will fall apart more and more of his alliances in the same way.

To step on your “I”, to see the other in marriage is especially important if you have children. These are the most suffering people in such situations.

If there is at least one person in the family who knows how to humble himself in this situation, then the marriage will be saved. Because through him, the humble one, the world comes.

With love ... to the bitch

I know a lot of priests who are married to real bitches. No more, no less. Most of the seminarians are deeply chaste people who have no experience with women. And if they feel that they like someone, and the time has not yet come to graduate from seminary and they cannot start a family, they watch and keep themselves not only from prodigal deeds, but simply even at the level of thought. And then, when the time comes, a person, having no experience of recognition female character, makes an offer to the girl he liked. And it often happens that he comes across a wife, as they say, not sugar. She dares relatives and friends from a person.

One day the priest, who has his “half” just like that, said: “I have been married for 18 years. And for 18 years the sun didn’t come to my house ”.

It is surprising that almost always these are priests of an open, sociable nature, the soul of the company. And often these families have one child or no children at all. And so people truly love their wives, despite all the pain they cause them.

And after several years it turns out that these are all amazingly deep priests. Because the cross given to them by God family life becomes life-giving. He creates in them a spiritual life, very deep, and they can share this life with others and understand someone else's grief. There are many such examples.

So, I think, if you endure, bear, accept this from God, then every person will surely have spiritual growth.

What to think about when getting married

It is very important, when entering into marriage, to expect, first of all, not your own happiness, but to try to make your spouse happy. Almost nobody thinks about it now. And if this is how the question of marriage is raised as a ministry, then it is much easier to create a happy family. Then everything in marriage brings joy and comfort. It blooms gradually.

Family betrayal

Christ left us only one reason for divorce - adultery (see Matt. 5:32). Because adultery is such a betrayal, after which the injured party simply may not have the strength to forgive him. Something important dies, even if the guilty person asks for forgiveness.

Now, if you look at the definitions of the Local Council of 1917-1918, supplemented in the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church, we will see an extended list of reasons for divorce, which confuses many.

Almost all the reasons stipulated in the Social Concept are the same treason as adultery. For example, drunkenness, in its essence, is the same criminal "joy" at the expense of the grief of loved ones - wife and children.

Of course, if a husband raises his hand and beats his wife or leaves for another place, then there can be no talk of any preservation of the family as a small Church. And if he uses drugs ...

Now, if there are such reasons and the person does not repent of them, does not refuse them, then the injured party, in order to simply preserve themselves, their spiritual life and the life of their children, is forced to divorce. It's like when gangrene begins on the arm, it must be amputated, otherwise the whole person will die. Therefore, if a part of the home Church is so affected that it can spiritually destroy everything, you just have to leave.

Hard temper does not prevent salvation

In all other cases, one must endure and take it as the providence of God. Interestingly, in the following of the Sacrament of the wedding, the priest asks the Lord to bless the newlyweds: “Bless Thy servants, too, by Thy Providence for the communion of marriage.

Moreover, these words were said before, when very often it was not the young people themselves who made the decision about the wedding, but their parents did it for them. Very often, the future husband and wife got to know each other at the engagement and did not choose anyone. But the Church still believed that this was God's providence. It's much harder to start a family than to choose yourself and go through the stage of falling in love. But, nevertheless, if a person trusts God, perceives the power of the sacrament, then God grants love. And it will help to achieve the goal for which, perhaps, He gave such a difficult spouse.

Very interesting story was with the saint righteous Alexis Mechev. His wife, Anna, died, leaving Father Alexy with four children. It was a terrible grief for him. And, as the late granddaughter of Father Alexy, Irina Sergeevna Mecheva, now told me, many years later, to him, already the most famous old man, whom the Lord glorified with miracles and clairvoyance, his beloved wife appeared in a dream with the words: “Soon we will meet with you, you will with me". We glorify Father Alexy and are confident that he is in the Kingdom of God. So, where his wife is. And, according to the granddaughter, his wife was not the easiest character. “This means that a difficult character may not hinder salvation,” Irina Sergeevna concluded.

This means that Father Alexy adopted the character of his wife as the providence of God.

Maybe that's why he also became such a great saint?

Husband head, then, fist on the table?

If we are talking about building a Christian family, then the image and source of the husband's power in the family is built in the image of the power of Christ. What is it, the authority of Christ? He takes off from himself outerwear and washes the feet of His disciples, as a slave does. He also says: “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give His life for the ransom of many” (Matthew 20:28)

When the husband starts banging his fist on the table and shouting to his wife: "You must obey me!" - he, first of all, must hear these words of Christ himself. If he hears and follows them, then the wife will be able to obey him. Because the Church listens to Christ ascending to the Cross, dying for all the people He loves.

If you simply demand without love and willingness to sacrifice, then nothing will come of it. But if the husband humbles himself and the wife understands: if he demands something, it is not out of pride and lust for power, but because he has been given the responsibility to lead in this way, and he does it not for himself, then it is much easier to obey.

It is known that Alexander Vasilyevich Suvorov often asked ordinary soldiers before important battles: "What do you think, what should be done tomorrow?" If a soldier spoke efficiently, his opinion was listened to. The entire army knew this. He could never say: "You are a fool, and I am a generalissimo, so I am smart and nobody cares about your opinion." It was important for him to do the right thing, and not his own way.

And so is the husband.

When the wife knows that the husband wants to do the right thing, and not his own way, then it is easier to obey him. Then the wife obeys the husband. When she knows that her husband will consult with her and, if she is right, will act according to her advice.

And then the children obey both. And if the husband's wife does not obey, then the children do not obey either dad or mom. Then the whole structure collapses anyway.

How to make a complaint

Practical advice is to talk to each other, and not at one time, but with a break. Suppose, when a family is on the verge of collapse, you go to your “half” and say: “Listen, you are unhappy with me, I’m unhappy with you, let’s sit down in five days and you’ll tell me in detail what I’m wrong about, with your points of view. And I will be silent, I will not cling to words, otherwise we will not succeed. I'll just hear it all, remember it and go to think. And then in another five days I will come and tell you everything with which I disagree, with which I am unhappy. You, too, will be silent and think later. And then a week later we'll sit down and talk. "

If you manage to do this, then, firstly, during the preparation period, a lot of foam leaves and the person tries to formulate: what is his husband, for example, wrong, he begins to see a lot of vain and unreal in his claims, not essential, in fact business. And he formulates only some very important things. The same thing happens with the other side.

If it's really bad ...

In general, it seems to me that if it's really bad, you just have to get down on your knees and pray: “Lord, Lord. Like any sacrament, the Sacrament of a wedding is primarily Your gift. You gave the grace that I almost lost in marriage. It seems to me that love is fading away, and I do not want to sin. I want this marriage, which You gave me, to lead to You, to Your Kingdom! Help, Lord, revive, heal me! "

OKSANA GOLOVKO, PROTOYER FYODOR BORODIN

FROM THE MATERIALS OF THE ORTHODOX PRESS

How a former paratrooper Fedor Borodin became a priest of two churches and a father of seven children

Source: Krestovsky Bridge

What Elder Herman said

When I was nine years old, a new neighbor, teacher Vera Alekseevna Gorbacheva, moved into our house in Gnezdnikovsky lane. Parents then did not go to church, but when they saw icons in her apartment, they asked me to become a godmother - my sister Anya's. Vera Alekseevna gave us the texts of prayers, took us to church for confession and communion. So I began a secret life, which the school did not know about.

In the 9th grade, I met with an elder. Anya and I then firmly decided where to enter: she went to the philological school, I went to the art school. For the blessing we went to the Moscow region to see Archimandrite German (Krasilnikov). Old, aggravated by diseases (he died a year later), Father German was all glowing with love. He immediately called us by name, although he saw us for the first time. He took the beads of Seraphim of Sarov from the altar, put them on our necks and prayed.

Sister said: "Do it" (she successfully graduated from philology). And I was dumbfounded: "You have a different path - you will become a priest." I didn't believe it. And then he failed twice in the entrance exams and ended up in the airborne troops.

Safe attack

We were being prepared to go to war. The conscripts had already entered the bus when it turned out that one was extra. We need 35 fighters, and we are 36. I was the first on the list, and the officer said: "Borodin, come out!" The rest went to Fergana, and from there to Afghanistan. If I had to kill someone in battle, I would not be able to serve in the Church: the canons do not allow. Our unit was in Lithuania. We ran, shot, jumped with a parachute a lot. Sometimes I was able to go into the forest and pray alone. Mom brought a handwritten prayer book and a Gospel published abroad. I carefully hid them, but the company commander still found them and locked them in a safe. He was a massive man, for his eyes they called him Bonik. I begged him to return - it's useless. I had to open the lock all night with wire and thread. I have never solved a more complex engineering problem in my life. The Lord helped: by morning the safe was closed, but empty.

When Bonik discovered this, he rushed at me. I am from him. Chase! Finally he caught up with me, grabbed me and threw me on the floor. He stepped on his chest: "You took the books ?!" When he was really angry, it was scary. But I didn’t provoke much rage. Maybe because he immediately admitted his "guilt". However, he did not give the book to him. I still keep that little Gospel.

Seminar Spring

After the army, I entered the Moscow Theological Seminary. It was 1988, Easter reigning in the air. The news came: “The church received the church!”, “The monastery was returned!”, “The holy relics were handed over!” ... We, ironed out by the Soviet system, could not believe that this would last long. I remember one of the students said: "If only one liturgy is served, and then it is not scary to die." It was assumed that everything could turn back. And they didn't even rule out persecution: we knew our history.

But the church upsurge continued. There is a lot of work to be done. Most of my study friends later selflessly served, many of them lost their health. I was friends with Igor Davydov (the future bishop of Yakutsk Zosima). He was an amazing man, he gave all of himself. And my heart could not stand it: served the Liturgy and departed to the Lord at the age of 46.

Family matters

Sometimes I went to confession with Archimandrite Kirill Pavlov. In my last year, I asked him for his blessing to continue my studies at the Theological Academy: I really liked studying. But the elder suddenly firmly said: "I am not blessing. You need to get married and go to the parish. Do you have a bride?" - "No, but I was introduced to a worthy girl." - "Who is she?" - "Lyudmila. She worked in the monastery, painted icons." "I know her. Very well. Go to her."

Lyudmila then moved to the workshop at the Church of St. Nicholas in Klenniki on Maroseyka. We liked each other. We now have six sons and a daughter. The eldest recently returned from the army, and the youngest is two years old. My wife is a miracle. I am amazed where she has so much wisdom and patience.

Two temples on the same street

The first church where I served was Nikolsky in Klenniki. Abbot Alexander Kulikov became a wise spiritual father for me. I remember with what excitement I went out for the first time to receive confession. A young man, 24 years old, and the parishioners are two to three times older. Perhaps people guessed about my feelings and, in order to support me, immediately began to approach one by one.

At the same time, in the summer of 1992, I was appointed rector of the Church of Cosmas and Damian on Maroseyka. It had just been returned to the Church, before that the drawing classes of Ilya Glazunov were located here, there were statues of pagan deities. To Ilya Sergeevich's credit, he quickly vacated the premises and gave me the keys. I started rebuilding. At first there were few parishioners. We worked as a family: my wife sang at the kliros, my mother stood behind the candle box, my brother helped at the altar, my sister prepared food for the workers. And I ran at a gallop: remove the ceilings, move the fences, order icons, clean the basements, conduct an electrician ... I had to forget about my favorite reading - Grigory of Nyssa and Ignatius Bryanchaninov. But what an impulse there was! Everything that happened seemed like a miracle.

On weekdays he served in Klenniki, on weekends - in his own Kosmodamiansky. After Sunday liturgy, he hurried to Klenniki, helped to confess and baptize there. And so for three years, and then he remained abbot. Thank God, both temples are on the same street.

What is happiness

The main thing in my life is the liturgy. I pray in the altar and feel how all the dull, faint-hearted, murmuring in me burns out. Strength, patience, meaning come. Liturgy is a phenomenon of a different, immortal life. It is a great happiness to touch this life.

5 FACTS ABOUT FATHER FYODOR BORODIN

1. Born in 1968 in Moscow. Since childhood, he dreamed of becoming an artist.

2. In the Lavra he painted churches together with the Orthodox bard Father Roman Tamberg. Now he draws only to his children.

3. At the age of 24, he became the rector of the Church of the Holy Unmercenaries Cosmas and Damian on Maroseyka, which he still heads.

4. Every summer he goes kayaking with parishioners: there are more than 70 people in the group, most of them are children and adolescents.

5. Drives an inexpensive car. Dreams of a minibus where he could put his whole family

Overcoming the crisis in church life ponders Archpriest Fyodor Borodin, rector of the Church of Saints Unmercenaries Kosma and Damian on Maroseyka (Moscow).

It so happens that a Christian who has been in the church for a long time runs into a kind of spiritual dead end, a kind of exhaustion of the habitual practice of his spiritual life. Everything that worked before does not work, there is no customary and expected result from reading prayers, from confession and worship. The soul longs to meet Christ, as before, and to rejoice at this meeting, but it does not work.

Archpriest Fyodor Borodin

Sometimes it's just the result of laziness. But it happens that this also happens with real workers of the spiritual life. It hurts a lot, how painful it is to be separated from a loved one. What to do?

We believed in Jesus Christ when we fell in love with Him, and as travelers who went out on the road, we do not know what will happen after the second or third turn. We have His promises that He is with us all the days, and our hopes for this, there are some maps drawn by those who have passed the path, but we do not know what kind of trials will await us personally. And there will be trials, and this loss of communion with God may be the main one.

If we look at the lives of many saints, we will see that even the greatest saints ran up against such dead ends of God-forsakenness.

Because of the unresolved issues of life by faith, Anthony the Great was on the verge of despair, who shouted to God: "Where were you when it was so hard for me ?!" We know that our almost contemporary, the Monk Silouan the Athonite, was providentially left by the Lord in very difficult trials for many years.

Apparently, a certain feeling of the exhaustion of the practical side of church life is something that the Lord has prepared for everyone on our way at some point as a test. And if we believe that Christ is the way for us, then we must believe that this test was given to us by His providence so that we achieve something, understand something and overcome something, something to grow inside myself.

Ten years ago, I was on the subway at rush hour, and on ring station"Park Kultury" met his friend from the seminary, Abbot N., let's say. In the seminary, he was a close enough person to me and, probably, he was the best of our graduation. He was a man who for four years never raised his voice to anyone, always helped everyone - such a monk, ascetic and prayer book from the mother's womb.

He went to a famous Russian monastery, and his heart was always calm for him: if you imagine a real Christian - a contemporary, then this is him.

And suddenly I meet him on the subway. We have such a situation that we simply cannot talk falsely about "how are you?"

I tell him: "Pray for me, something is hard for me." He looks at me with pain in his eyes and says: "And you pray for me, I am something in such a dead end!" I thought then: “It is so hard for this righteous man - on his monastic path. The Lord has prepared this test for him, because he loves him and brings up him. "

Prayer textbook

On the practical side, it's hard to give advice. It seems to me that you need to continue to confess anyway, to pray anyway. We must also understand that all the prayer practice, which was given to us at the beginning of our journey as universally obligatory, is rather arbitrary, in my opinion.

A prayer book that a newcomer to the Church picks up with morning rule, With evening rule, with a corpus of prayers preparing a person for the sacrament, can be called a textbook. There are prayers of holy people: Macarius the Great, John Damascene, John Chrysostom, Basil the Great, that is, the prayers of those people whose spiritual experience the Church does not doubt. We take this prayer book and read these prayers from it for many years in order to learn to collect in ourselves the same exact prayer mood.

Such a time may come, and it comes to everyone when he wants to pray himself. Or read something else. Because a person, having learned to prepare himself for Holy Communion through prayer, may at some point understand how now it is better for him to fulfill the purpose of this rule. And the purpose of the rule is precisely to prepare for the sacrament, and he will be better prepared if he just stands in silence and reads the Jesus Prayer or akathist, or Holy Bible maybe a Psalter.

That is, an adult, hardened Christian, who has learned from this textbook, can already choose for himself what will lead him to the necessary prayer dispensation.

And the longer a person lives in the Church, the less there should be priestly, spiritual control over what prayers he reads. The attention of the confessor should be directed more towards whether he achieves a real prayer stand for God or not.

This is a question that a priest should keep an eye on, so that if a person does not read the rules out of laziness, or if he reads something wrong and prepares in a wrong way, say to him: “You know, this is a mistake, you cannot prepare for communion without to myself this is the attitude. There must be joy, there must be a desire for communion, there must be reconciliation with everyone, there must be true faith and contrition of heart. What better helps you to acquire such an attitude? "

And the person will say: "Father, this is helping me now, at this stage of my life." Perhaps this is precisely the kind of pedagogy, the absence of which is said in his article father Peter (Mescherinov)?

And a person who has been a Christian for a long time, of course, needs to carefully monitor himself in this.

When I was little, my father and sister and I rode bicycles through one village in the Yaroslavl region. The village was located on a high hill, and there was a well, probably forty meters deep. Dad said to me, pointing to the well: “Look, you see there a small square of the sky below. Can you imagine, the sun looks there for half a minute at noon and that's it. The sun passes and the bottom of the well is never consecrated again. But for these half minutes, everything is covered there. "

The purpose of any rule is to enlighten your soul with the presence of God in this way, to put yourself before God. In the morning, in the evening. It's not enough - morning and evening. We read Saint David: "By the seven days of the day, praise Thee" (Psalm 119: 164). That is, seven times a day, this man, busy with the rule of a warring power, a great saint, left everything and, apparently, went to the back chambers and praised God. Therefore, this is David, whom we love so much, whom we admire so much, because he finished all the vanity, and his soul was completely opened before God. This was his stand before God.

We must learn this anticipation, in the morning, in the evening - a minimum. Better more often. Or, if the occupation permits, almost constantly. What helps you now at your stage of life in this?

Let's say I studied prophetic books in seminary. I read them, as it should be according to the program, I understood some of them and closed them. They did not hook me, as they say now. Twelve years passed, I had been a priest for a long time, and suddenly I began to read them and could not tear myself away. Read, rewrite, search for comments, think. They opened up for me. Especially the prophet Jeremiah sunk deeply in the heart. For me it was a stand before God. I read, and after that I had a real prayer.

Prayer before the sacrament

All people are different, the Lord knows that. AND prayer rules christians gradually become different. This is normal and natural. It happens, for example, that I am getting ready for the service, read the Rule for Holy Communion and understand that it is slipping past me, because my eye is “blurred”.

I come back, read two or three prayers again, I see that they sound out of tune with me. Then I start translating them. By myself, in my own words, for myself. This is how I reconnect the text with my mind. It doesn't happen often. Maybe once a year or every six months. It helps me.

I am restoring my conversation with God.

I do not like the phrase "reading the rule" before the sacrament, there is some kind of pharisaic emptiness in it. You should not read, but talk with God. After all, these are the corresponding texts: these prayers were written by Basil the Great, John Chrysostom. They prepared for the sacrament as for a real meeting with God. And we often just read these prayers without even plunging into them. This is absolutely not necessary to do.

You need to try to stand before God, completely to your very insides, to the very bottom, as to the bottom of that well. And what helps you to do it right now, the longer you go to church, the better you yourself understand.

We do not have a strict condition to be sure to read the three canons. We must belong to the right faith in order to receive communion, to have heartfelt contrition, that is, a repentant dispensation, to have a firm desire to receive communion and peace with everyone. But to achieve this, you need just a certain rule. And in different periods of a Christian's life, it can be different.

Prayer is a special art, a great art, creativity. Conversation with God is the highest creativity that is available to man. A person must be taught this creativity. This is the pedagogy of churching. It can last ten, fifteen years. And then a person should himself receive joy from this creativity.

This is all closely related to the issue of a spiritual impasse. We know the words of the Apostle Paul that "sorrow makes patience, patience is an art, an art of hope: hope will not shame" (Rom. 5; 3-5). This refers to the art of spiritual life.

When a person suffers, including his own weakness, he becomes more skillful in the spiritual life. He knows how to repent, he remembers what it was like in the beginning, he knows how to pray correctly, but it doesn't work for him now, now the tide is out. He cannot do anything with this ocean - a dry coast, no water. We must endure and wait. And in this patience, which can last for a long time, is God's providence, His concern for me. Because when I am humbled that I cannot reproduce anything in myself, then this prayer will return as a gift from God.

The paradox in confession

A person who comes to the Church for the first time confesses fervently and sincerely, and then, many years later, it is difficult for him. After all, it seems that every time you need to voice the same thing.

The paradox here is that a person who has been in the church for a long time becomes so demanding of himself that he cannot afford to confess formally. He remembers and knows how he repented to his very depths and it hurts him that, as it seems, now he is profaning this sacrament in himself.

Since we believe that the Church is led by the Holy Spirit, and we see that now in our Church there is such a tradition - to confess before every communion, then, probably, by obedience, we must come to confession, repent and simply say: “I have sinned in deed, in word, in thought ”and add how you sinned in this short period since the last communion and what hurts you. After all, the period when confession internally “does not go”, there is no such depth, it may not pass quickly, last months and even years. But by confessing, we testify to God that we want to return the former depth of repentance.

But nothing should prevent you from receiving communion. Thoughts that I cannot confess, and therefore it now looks wrong, and because of this I do not approach the Holy Chalice - from the evil one. We must go and must receive communion, because without regular communion there is no real Christian spiritual life.

There is always some kind of sinful dirt sticking to us. I remember how I came as a young priest to Maroseyka, to the church of St. Nicholas in Klenniki. And now an elderly, very experienced confessor respected by all of Moscow, Father Alexander Kulikov, many times before the service confessed to me, a sinner. He said that in the Nikolo-Kuznetsk church, where he was brought up under the famous rector - Father Vsevolod Shpiller, it was so. Among other things, Father Vsevolod and all the other priests briefly confessed to each other before each service. Moreover, no one checks the priest how he confesses.

Yes, the priest confesses to the confessor of the diocese twice a year in mandatory... But many of the priests leading a stressful spiritual life confess before each Liturgy. Not because they are forced, but because they feel the need for it: the liturgy begins, and this spiritual filth is on me, and the grace of God will come and heal me from it.

Because the sacrament of confession, like any sacrament of the Church, is not only an act of forgiveness, it is, first of all, the gift of God's help. The sacrament of confession is not only the fact of my repentance before God for what I have done, but also the miracle that the grace of God comes and helps me to overcome it.

Therefore, if I repent of the same sin for decades in a row, this does not mean that everything is in vain. I bring it to God as a disease that I cannot deal with on my own. I regret it. I feel bad, it hurts. I see how it stands between me and God, how it blocks me from Him. And I ask God for help to overcome this. The sacrament of confession is help given to a person. And if a person truly humbles himself, God in general can take away all sins from him. It's just that we really don't know how to humble ourselves. And the goal of our spiritual life is to acquire humility.

I repeat all the time the wonderful words of Mark the Ascetic, that God gives grace to a person not for virtues, not for the labors incurred for the sake of their acquisition, but for the humility received during these labors. Amazing thoughts! All your spiritual life is judged by God, weighed on the scales of this humility, whether you have acquired it or not.

Perhaps the abandonment is temporary, and this spiritual impasse and the fact that it seems to you that God does not hear you, and the fact that you confess the same thing - all this is necessary in order for you to come to terms in the end. And you don't want to. You are looking for any ways, only so that this most important result is not achieved, in order to get around, because this is the most difficult thing in Christianity. At the same time, it is the most necessary thing. Because without humility there is neither true love nor spiritual life.

Do not be scared

Do not be alarmed if it suddenly seems that church life has lost its meaning. We must continue to pray. We must creatively seek some, perhaps, new forms of prayer and our own church life. And we must do good deeds. Because through this God is revealed to man.

If it seems to you that the rules do not help at all, go, for example, to a hospice or an oncology center for children. Your whole picture of the world will change. All vanity will be judged simply as vanity.

Just look at what tests God can give a person.

As for other forms, for example, fasting, it is, of course, different for all people. The form that we now have, it seems to me, is also conditional.

Once I asked a friend of an athlete if he observes Great Lent? In response, I heard that my friend cannot live without meat. "Maybe at least the last week?" I suggested. “A week without meat? No, no way, ”the interlocutor was frightened. "Maybe three days of Passion - Thursday, Friday, Saturday?" - I said. And so he tensed, the nodules are working: it is insanely difficult to make this decision.

Then the athlete says with effort: "I will try." And I understand that these three days without meat, if possible, will be more than my entire Lent.

The Lord also said about this, about two mites. It is more important for someone to fast, for example, without computer games, to sit for some time without TV, without news, without this informational chatter on the Internet, devastating the soul.

The person himself must understand what he can do. For example, it happens that a person approaches the priest and says: “Father, it's not enough for me to fast on Wednesday and Friday, can I still be on Monday? I feel what benefit fasting brings me, it is easier for me to pray, I feel the Lord closer. " And the other cannot. And therefore, here both the person and the priest also need to understand that this is also creativity.

Prayer from a dry heart is even dearer to God
Archpriest Fyodor Borodin, Oksana Golovko

The conversation about confession, at which constantly, from Sunday to Sunday, from year to year, a person calls the same sins, continues Archpriest Fyodor Borodin, rector of the Church of Saints Kosma and Damian on Maroseyka (Moscow).

There will always be something to repent of

When a person has been going to church for a long time and really discovers that from one confession to another for a long time he says the same thing, it discourages him, upsets, upset. There are people who are discouraged by this.

It seems to me that, in general, there is nothing terrible in the situation. What is the Christian Life? This is "to put aside the old image of the old man (...) and put on the new man" (Eph. 4: 22,24)

But behind these in simple words- the colossal work of man on himself, God on man throughout his life. That is, the sins that live in us, passions, and wrong habits are uprooted throughout our life. And most people will never be able to completely pluck them out of themselves. Therefore, do not be upset about this.

Here we repent of the sin of anger. But today a person reproaches himself for shouting, breaking dishes, beating a child in a rage. And after 25 years of intense church life, he repents of the same anger with great contrition and pain, but now even a slight movement of irritation that he allowed wounds him.

Christ in Sermon on the Mount he told us that even the mental movement of sin is already sin. Therefore, no matter how much we work on ourselves, there will always be something to repent of. And that's okay.

Help needed

In addition, one must understand that confession is always a meeting, it is always the action of two: the repentant action of a person and, of course, of God, it is His action.

Just as the sacrament of wedding is not only “heavenly registration”, but God's gift of help in building a family, so confession is the gift of helping a person in overcoming sins.

Therefore, you still need to come and still need to repent, and wait for the mercy of God to heal you from your sins, bring repentance and come to terms with the fact that you, maybe for many years, even decades, will walk and repent.

"Everything is as usual"

If a person lives a tense, repentant church life, then usually he carefully watches himself, does not allow any serious sins, therefore his confession is rather short. A person sees that he is in pain, that he is sinful, for example, by irritation, resentment, envy, condemnation. He calls it. And sometimes he just says: "Everything is as usual." And the priest already knows what he is talking about.

Moreover, with the years of the church life of the parishioner, which multiply, the years of the spiritual life of the priest also multiply. A priest is exactly the same weak and sinful person who in the same way goes to his confessor and in the same way his heart hurts because he cannot cope with his sins. And in the same way, from year to year, he gradually comes to terms with his weakness. And that is why, maybe 20 years ago, the young priest burned with some kind of illusion that now he would quickly correct everyone here, starting with himself, and then usually this is not the case.

The Lord knows much more about all our sins than we ourselves can not only reveal to our spiritual father, but even simply formulate ourselves. Suffers and loves us. Confession is, first of all, repentance and humility: it’s a shame for the 200th time to approach the same priest, whom you know, who loves you, who is dear to you, and you are dear to him, and to say the same thing.

Cooling

Many Holy Fathers have an amazing idea that the prayer that a person brings to God from a dry heart, when nothing is answered, is much dearer to God and in His eyes is more valuable than the prayer performed by a person, when everything is on fire with him, everything is arguing in spiritual life. ... Plus, it testifies that even in this test, in this dryness, in this, perhaps, abandonment, a person is still faithful to God. It seems to me that this principle can be applied to confession too.

Yes, now there is a cooling, we cannot force the grace of God to act in us when we want. To do this, you need to live in it constantly, and this is a sign of holiness. This is not in us. But we can testify to God: “Lord, I am now so sinful that my soul has grown cold, I can’t get anything out of myself, I can’t squeeze anything out of myself, You know this better than I do, but my loyalty to You and my desire to overcome it are that I will confess anyway, I will still receive communion. "

When a person has such a chill, one should read the lives of the saints. Cooling also happens because a person somehow calmed down and stopped struggling with his sins. And it seems like nothing terrible is happening, well, I was a little annoyed, well, a little bit, I admitted some thoughts, well, okay, well, it's okay, why repent. And you compare yourself with holy people and you will understand that in you, as in every person, there is an abyss of fall. This is also because the sharpness of vision is dulled in us - that is that I am perishing, that I need Christ.

Spiritual cooling is, on the one hand, a test: the Lord leaves a person alone to humble himself. On the other hand, it is still a consequence of the fact that a person does not rejoice in prayer, does not rejoice in repentance. Because if we really saw our sins, there would be no chilling in confession. We would fall to our knees every day and pray, and simply scream out of this pain: "Lord, free me from this."

I remember how Father Kirill (Pavlov), at a meeting with students at the Moscow Seminary, long, very, very many years ago, the seminarian asked such a question about what to do when everything cooled down internally. Father says to him: "You pray more." “I pray, nothing helps,” the seminarian replies to this and to many of Fr. Kirill’s advice. - Nothing helps". And Father Kirill, who is usually restrained and never denounced anyone threateningly, says: “Eh, brother, no one is to blame for this except you. It is your own fault that you have come to such a chill. " Because the seminarian was in such a state that he blamed everyone for his despondency. Therefore, it is necessary to look for a part of the blame in cooling. And in this too.

Only the humble will enter the kingdom of God

The Lord is struggling with our cooling. He has his own pedagogical tasks in relation to each of us throughout our stay in the Church, from entering it to the funeral service, the Lord leads and educates us. In response to some of our, maybe, mistakes, questions or some wrongs, or, on the contrary, successes, He gives us what He can give us. And the purpose of educating a person with the Lord is to make him what he can enter into the Kingdom of God. A humble person cannot enter the Kingdom of God. Therefore, the goal of the Great Teacher is to bring a person to humility.

How to bring a person to humility if he himself does not want it? To retreat and let go, leave him alone, alone with his own forces and those temptations that are around. And the man falls. He is bitter, hard, scared, painful. But there was no trace of pride left.

For example goes Great Lent... The man endured everything: he fasted very strictly, ate very little, observed the charter, went to all services. The time of Holy Week is approaching, he is eagerly awaiting this wonderful time. He is calm inside, everything is fine. Here the Lord retreats from him and allows him to severely break the fast in some way, for example, to fall into some kind of unthinkable rage, to shout at someone. And the person is humbled. He believes that the post was wasted.

But in fact, he approaches Passion Week with the most important result, with the experience of humility and trust only in God. At the mercy of God. With the understanding that the Lord will give you the joy of Passion and Bright Weeks, not in response to the fact that you have done something and toil, but simply because He is good and loves you. Indeed, such a person will listen to the words of John Chrysostom: "Enter into the joy of the Lord, you who have fasted and have not," and will comprehend this joy, referring himself to the latter.

Therefore, it seems to me that if a person works sincerely and wants to really become a good Christian, the Lord will arrange everything. So in one way or another, a person will discover some new experience, new depth. We just need not to weaken in our efforts, not to give up.