A 3-year-old boy plays with dolls. Role-playing game “Mothers and Daughters. Different toys are needed, different toys are important

The traditional game of mother and daughter is popular among children preschool age. Often even boys join in, seeing how enthusiastically their peers play. She raised many generations and even became the object of attention of child psychologists.

Our great-grandmothers also played the game “Mothers and Daughters”. Now dolls for girls can talk, move, wear fashionable clothes and chic hairstyles. At that time, the toys were simpler, but the essence of playing mother and daughter remained unchanged.

Psychology of mother-daughter play
The children's game “Mothers and Daughters” is a miniature model of family relationships. According to its plot, children try on the roles of relatives, both kids and adults. If you watch the game process, you will be able to understand how the baby sees and feels in the family.
An analysis of the psychology of children's play will give you useful and often unexpected information about your child. How does the baby understand the requirements and prohibitions in the family? Which relative does he associate himself with? What are they for him? family relationships?
To find out all this, you can “spy” one of the episodes of your daughter (son) playing with dolls with other kids. Children often act out scenes dedicated to some event in the life of the family. Your task is to be attentive and not interfere with the action of the game.
Analyze what you saw. Celebrate important details: Who does your daughter play? What mannerisms of this relative is she copying? If this is one of the parents, how does he treat the child? What is encouraged and what is prohibited and how? Does he raise his voice at a child doll? What is he praising for?


Interpretation of children's play with dolls
Observing the game of mother-daughter will allow you to see the relationship with your child from the outside. Certainly, real facts in such a “mirror” they are distorted by a child’s perception, but the main idea can be traced. Emotions in the game may be exaggerated, but they actually exist in a child’s heart, only they are not expressed so clearly.
This is not to say that the game of family relationships is completely straightforward. Not everything you see should be taken personally. Very often children talk through play about what they would like. Therefore, you may see what you want instead of what you actually see.


Play as a way to “reach out” to a child
According to psychologists, playing mother-daughter is not only an opportunity to understand childhood experiences. This is not just a source of knowledge, but also a means that can influence the picture of the family in the understanding of the baby.
Let's say you understand from the game that the child considers your prohibitions too strict, and when you do not comply with his whims, he begins to be offended. In this case, offer to play the baby’s “mother”, and take on the role of the daughter for yourself (your doll).
In such roles you can embody a revealing episode when the baby is most stubborn. For example, going to the store. Act as the child behaves in reality so that he understands what it is like to be in the shoes of a parent in such moments. Playing “on the contrary” will let your child understand what actions you expect from your baby and will help you reach a compromise in a playful way.
The psychology of playing mother-daughter is very simple: in the role-playing game, children embody how they see family relationships. By observing and analyzing the process of playing with dolls, you can better understand the child. Moreover, with the help of the game, parents can correct the perception and behavior of the baby in different everyday situations.

Imagine that a long-awaited girl was born in the family. Mom is happy: finally she can buy beautiful dresses, do her hair, watch the baby play at being a daughter-mother... But the girl is growing up and she is not at all interested in any of this. She is not comfortable in a dress, she undoes her braids in 5 minutes, and for her birthday she asks not for a Barbie, but for a set of racing cars.

Some especially worried parents begin to sound the alarm. A girl plays games for boys, watches cartoons for boys, asks for boys' toys - what's next?! The editors of the site are trying to dispel these worries and explain why girls can also play with cars. And, of course, we can’t do without comments from the parents of young “tomboys” collected from forums and social networks.

So, what are parents afraid of?

1. The girl will grow up unfeminine or aggressive.

“My daughter watches and . And then he plays them, fights, shoots, asks for weapons, like the turtles. How to teach her to play with dolls, I'm afraid that she becomes very angry because of these games. Fights."

Girls who play with boys' toys or spend time only in the company of boys do not become less feminine or more aggressive. And there are many reasons why a girl prefers cars to dolls.

Firstly, let's be honest, boys' toys are much more interesting and cool. Everything spins and bends, is programmed and assembled, shoots and talks. Girls are just bored with houses and Barbies. Well, you put this Barbie in a stroller, so what? Boredom. And with the boys, you can have real races, shoot at targets, and in general - boys are such inventors!

USERS ARE OUTRAGED BY THE APPEARANCE OF A PINK GLOBE “FOR GIRLS”

Secondly, girls don't have to always be kind. Children simply need to release negative emotions sometimes, just like adults. And playing war helps this a lot. Girls have as much energy as boys, but they are forced to sit and pour tea for the dolls. As a result, unrealized energy results in hysterics, tears or aggression. It’s better to run, get tired and be content to sit at the table in the evening, even with broken knees during the chase.

Thirdly, do not forget that in modern world The roles of men and women in the family are already more blurred. It is no longer necessary for a girl to be a housewife and a quiet person, and a boy to be a strongman and a technician. It may be the other way around. Therefore, you should not impose on a child from childhood something that is not only uninteresting to him, but also, perhaps, does not need. Does a 4-year-old girl like construction sets? Maybe he will grow up to be an engineer, who knows.

2. The girl will not be accepted by other girls, it will be difficult for her to find friends.

“She is not interested in playing with other girls; she constantly runs off to the boys in the garden. And she herself is like a boy - she fights, swears, plays pranks all the time. The teacher has already scolded her, and so have I. I give a doll and it throws it away, what should I do with it?”

Many parents are afraid that because of their child’s hobbies, society will not want to accept him. But there is nothing stranger about the only girl in the garden who plays with cars than about the only girl in the garden who loves, not.

WHAT TO DO IF A CHILD IS HUMILIATED AT SCHOOL

All children are individual and each child has their own hobbies, which, moreover, change very quickly. But they do not always affect the number of friends. After all, you can play not only them, but also something similar. If a child wants to make friends with someone, then he will find common interests.

But if a girl plays only in the company of boys and likes to play football more than to twirl in front of the mirror, then there is nothing wrong with that. Girls need to be able to communicate with everyone, so they learn. Many “tomboys” in childhood, on the contrary, grow up more successful, since these boys have been studied since childhood and know how to interest them.

3. The girl will not like boys or she will want to change her gender.

“Please tell me, my 4-year-old girl plays with cars. In toy stores, he chooses cars rather than dolls. Playing “daddy’s daughters” with friends, he becomes “daddy”. He explains this by saying that no one wanted to be a dad. In kindergarten she is more interested in boys than girls. I don’t even know if this is a problem or child’s play.”

The most strange and wild assumption, which has no adequate basis for itself. Gender identity in children, of course, is just being formed, but toys and cartoons cannot radically influence this. A girl doesn't become a boy just because she likes cars. It simply doesn't work that way. Yes, and toys also cannot influence one’s orientation in the future; this is also a completely different question; if you are interested, read books about it, not comments on the Internet.

4. But how others will look at us!

“Grandma just fed us up with the fact that we shouldn’t indulge her and still buy her beautiful dresses, she’s a girl... But I don’t know who to listen to - my daughter or my mother? And it’s somehow strange when at the holiday all the girls are snowflakes, and mine is Robin Hood.”

You can't live your life looking at others. Of course, both relatives and society can put pressure on you, forcing you to change the girl to certain standards. But here you need to look for compromises that will suit everyone, and not force the child to obey the rules.

SEXIST SCANDAL AROUND KINDER SURPRISES

If in kindergarten the obligatory uniform for girls for a holiday is a dress, but the child does not want to wear anything, you need to find out why. Uncomfortable? Let's wear pants underneath it, it'll be a la Pippi Longstocking. Ugly? You can find something beautiful if you try. And if the child doesn’t fit in at all, because the dress is “bad”, try to combine it. The outfits of kings from the Middle Ages are very similar to dresses, but not dresses, right?

Don't let others decide for you what games your daughter should play. Try to be above social stereotypes and put the child’s wishes above those of others.

5. But I really wanted a princess daughter!

“We live in England, and I bought my youngest a traditional fawn costume for Christmas, and she Nice dress an angel with wings... So she threw me such a tantrum that if I took it to the store, I wouldn’t wear it! I want to be a zebra (her favorite animal) or a deer...”

Of course, when parents so wanted a girl to play with her like a doll, it is very difficult to come to terms with the fact that for some reason this doll behaves like a little barbarian. Yes, in an ideal world of dreams, you saw your daughter in a pink dress, with pigtails, sitting playing dolls and adoring. But in reality, she walks around grimy, spends days and nights watching and begging for another radio-controlled car.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR CHILD'S FRIENDS?

Humble yourself. Life doesn't go as planned at all. And you can't snap your fingers and turn children into those ideal ones of your dreams. Your daughter is who she is and does not need to be changed because there is nothing terrible about her behavior. You have an active child who just isn't meeting your expectations. There's nothing wrong with that.

Moreover, most parents, when discussing this problem, write: “Oh, yes, I myself was a tomboy until I was 12...”. For the most part, this problem is temporary. And then girls become interested in the other gender, and at the same time their own appearance, future motherhood, and so on. Yes, she is unlikely to play with dolls anymore, but she will still become a good wife and mother. And you just need to stop worrying about trifles. Is your daughter running around the house with cars? Join us, it's fun. And let the dolls sit on the sidelines and watch the most exciting race in the world.

Content

For caring parents special meaning have the child's hobbies. Moms and dads offer their baby a variety of toys to choose from. But it happens that a child’s choice causes confusion or even concern. For example, when a boy plays with dolls. Is it a situation where a boy prefers toy cars and toy soldiers? toy houses and dresses, we’ll look at them in the article.

Gender differences

According to psychologists, until the age of three, children do not have a gender attachment to toys. Of course, the baby is well aware of whether he is a boy or a girl. In this case, he will choose a toy based on the principle of interest. Therefore, the vast majority of kids love everything that rides (cars, pushchairs, strollers). And if a boy under three years old is interested in a doll, then there can be no reason for surprise at all. It's all about curiosity and exploration. human body. The bobblehead imitates a person, which means you can look at its hands, check how its legs bend, and be surprised at how its eyes close.

After three years, boys often do not stop being interested in dolls, but this is also quite normal, because with the help of such games the child gains a lot of new knowledge.

Why does a boy choose dolls?

In addition to basic curiosity, there are several other reasons that may arouse interest in puppet games:

• Lack of mother's attention. If a baby lacks female attention, then he will unconsciously look for it in the plots of games, using dolls as a prototype of his mother or grandmother.
• Protest against “male education”. If the family has adopted harsh methods of education, the boy is shamed for crying, constantly reminded that he is a man and must be strong, and the true interests of the child are suppressed, replacing them with traditional “male” tools. Not at all out of spite, but intuitively, the child will choose girly toys in order to balance the intensity of “masculinity.”
• The family uses physical punishment, the father is rude to the mother, or other forms of aggression are demonstrated. The baby seeks reassurance, satisfies its need for coziness and comfort in a doll as in a living person.

• Lack of male education. If a boy does not have an example of masculine behavior, and there is a single mother and grandmother around him, then a priori feminine objects become toys - kitchen utensils, mother's soft toys, grandmother's balls and knitting needles. If the authority of the same grandmother is strong enough, then she can purposefully accustom the child to women's work in order to cultivate perseverance and hard work.
• All boys under the age of seven begin a period of admiration for women - they idolize their mother, sincerely envy women's beauty, and pay attention to appearance. This is probably exactly the period your little boy is going through right now. Look at his games with the doll - he can comb them, change them, as well as kiss and hug them. This is also quite natural.
• If a boy has more girls in his social circle or has sisters, then playing with dolls is as natural and logical for him as playing with boyish toys.

What a doll can teach a boy

1. The baby also identifies himself with his favorite toy. In the games, he calls her by his name or a very similar one, and endows her with his character traits. The baby will unconsciously play out situations that worry him - quarrels between parents, visits to the hospital, fear of the dark. With the help of a doll, the child tries to find an outlet for his emotions and overcome his fears.
2. Playing with dolls perfectly develops the imagination. Any role-playing game- a toy can be a bus driver, a patient at a doctor’s appointment, a fireman or a kindergarten teacher - all this has a positive effect on the development of thinking and speech. A boy can compose fairy tales with a doll in the leading role, and this is a direct development of creative flight of thought.
3. When playing daughters and mothers, boys most often play the role of dad. They learn very well how to rock a doll, feed it, dress it, and ride it in a stroller. This is a great exercise machine, especially if you are expecting a new addition to your home. In addition, the child unconsciously repeats the actions of the father or what he saw on the playground or at a party.
4. When a boy plays with a doll from the position of a parent, he is aware of his behavior, understands why he was punished and accepts the parent's side.

What should a boy's doll be like?

Psychologists agree that a boy needs a doll. You can buy it for a very small baby; in this case, preference should be given to rag toys with clear facial features. Let her smile, the baby will feel the friendly mood of the toy.

For boys over one and a half to two years old, you can buy a doll made from textiles, rubber, plastic or even wood. Bright facial features that are as close to real human outlines as possible are also welcome. Let there be no bright emotions on the toy’s face - sadness, laughter or surprise. The more neutral the facial expression, the more games Maybe the baby can make up an idea with her.

The toy must be without gender characteristics (breasts, genitals), as long as these are unnecessary details in the game.

Parents' mistakes

• shame the child. Comparing a boy with a girl just because of their interest in a toy is quite a strong blow to the child’s self-esteem. Shame provokes the development of complexes that can affect communication with girls in the future.
• pick up the doll. If a parent feels irritated by a child’s toy, takes it away or throws it away, then the child feels guilty. Without understanding the reasons, he begins to be afraid to choose other toys, trying to please his parent. This can lead to weakness of will and timidity, and inability to make a decision.

If you watch a child play this simple game, known to everyone since childhood, you can learn a lot about him. The game allows children to “try on” adult roles. The baby, who recently learned to speak, imitates his father, following the example of his own parent. The little girl happily swaddles the doll , feeds her with a spoon, rocks her in a stroller and teaches her the rules of good behavior. In this way, each of the children prepares for adulthood. And it is very important that the children feel successful and confident in this game.

From imitation to improvisation
The game of daughter-mother often begins from the moment complementary foods are introduced: “.. A spoonful of porridge for Teddy Bear, a spoonful for Svetochka.” These simple steps the baby then repeats on his own. Actually, the concept of “care” is the main one for playing mother-daughter, according to child psychologists. As soon as the baby takes a baby doll, a big-eared hare or a doll under his wing (it doesn’t matter that for now he can only carry the toy with him and rock it), we can say that another step has been taken towards growing up.
First stage of the game (1.5-2 years)- imitation of the simplest everyday situations: the baby feeds the doll, lulls it to sleep, bathes it.
At the second stage (from 3 years) The baby no longer just copies the actions of adults, but also acts out scenes himself. A doll or bear may already turn away from the spoon with porridge, be capricious, be afraid or laugh. The baby persuades, encourages, and punishes them.
Child 4-6 years old who plays mother-daughter, and older children already need peers. The game becomes a role-playing game. It demonstrates the child’s ability to transform, copying the behavior of others. Boys sometimes play mother-daughter too, although the role assigned to them will not be central. The gaming dad goes to work, goes on a business trip, or goes to war. In general, some boys enjoy playing with dolls, but this hobby is usually short-lived. But for girls 4-6 years old, mother-daughter is the main and favorite game, which will disappear from the game “repertoire” by the first or, at the latest, by the fifth grade.

Caring father
If a boy plays with dolls... This is completely normal! At the age of 2-3 years, boys, like their peers, can enthusiastically “educate” the baby, feeding him with a spoon and even walking with a stroller. It is playing with a doll that helps a child develop emotionally. He gets new experience, trying on different social roles: dad in the mother-daughter game, doctor, if the children are playing in the hospital. The conventionality of actions (everything happens in make-believe) makes the imagination work more actively. With the help of dolls and baby dolls, boys, just like girls, learn to understand and interact with the world around them. The game gives the child the opportunity to see himself from the outside and at the same time understand the other, relieves psychological stress by “acting out” conflict situations.

Walking with a stroller
After 2-3 years, the game gradually becomes more complicated, and the need for new items arises. For example, you can have tea parties using toy dishes. This is not just fun, but also a useful lesson. Fine motor skills develop, the baby gets an idea of ​​the volume: he learns to pour liquid, stopping in time. Another item that is used in the game from about the same age is the stroller. Walking with a toy stroller improves the child's gross motor skills and develops dexterity, because the baby has to make turns, go down and up.

What should you be wary of in the game?
Strong aggression. The baby hits or breaks dolls. This is a reason to think that perhaps you have chosen too harsh a line of behavior with your baby, severely punishing him for the slightest offenses.
Repetitive plots. The child plays out the same situation. For example, a daughter repeats to a doll over and over again: “You are a bad girl, you need to ask to use the potty!” Most likely, in their desire to potty train the baby, the parents went too far. The obsessive plot is caused by a stressful situation. It can arise without the participation of parents. The game shows a fight, quarrel, or accident seen on the street.Replaying these moments will help the child erase frightening memories.
Sexual motives. If “bed scenes” appear in the game, you should not be touched by the little know-it-all, but turn to a child psychologist. Such knowledge, obtained ahead of time, could traumatize the psyche.

Which doll to choose?


The first doll should be given to a baby no earlier than one and a half years old. Until this time, the child will treat it like any other toy, trying to understand what it is. Therefore, soon the expensive doll will be disassembled in parts. Later, the baby, observing his surroundings, will discover that many other equally interesting actions can be performed with this toy. Bathing, changing clothes - the child will repeat such manipulations day after day. So at this stage of learning about the world, not so much beautiful as practical toys are best suited. For example, rag dolls, soft and pleasant to the touch. Or toys made of flexible plastic that can be easily washed. A girl over 2 years old should buy a doll with long hair, such as Bratz, which can be washed, combed and braided. Another rule: if you decide to buy a baby doll, then the doll does not need to have a gender. The baby himself will decide who she will become during the game.

Having found out the gender of the child even before his birth, parents buy toys, diapers, and clothes that correspond to this gender a certain color. Thus, the child is, as it were, prepared in advance, in accordance with generally accepted cultural norms, to realize whether he is a boy or a girl. But what to do if, contrary to the parents’ expectations, the son, growing up, is drawn to the sandbox, where girls play with dolls, and the daughter strives with the boys? First you need to understand the situation.

First, you need to consider the age of the child. It is believed that until the age of 3, a child is not aware of his gender and does not associate the choice of certain types of toys with whether he is a boy or a girl. And then the baby goes to kindergarten, his parents take him to visit, where he meets toys of the opposite sex for the first time. And he becomes interested in any new toy, because he had never seen these at home before - his parents simply didn’t buy them. Perhaps the baby is drawn to toys of the opposite sex because they are bored with their own.

Secondly, what matters is not so much the fact of playing with dolls for boys or with cars for girls, but rather its character. It is important to consider how long and often this happens, how passionate the child is about the game, what the plot of this game is. Maybe, having taken the doll, the boy will make a monster out of it, because the soldiers are very small in comparison, and the girl will take the doll to the store for shopping in the car.

Thus, before you worry and forbid your child to play with the “wrong” toys, you need to understand the reason why your or your daughter likes toy cars. The reasons may be as follows:

Showing curiosity. For example, if a boy first saw a stroller with a baby doll, then his desire to give it a ride can be considered quite normal. Or, perhaps, the baby perceived the stroller as any other “gurney” and did not even notice that there was a doll in it. It’s the same with girls - simply out of interest, they can try on the roles inherent in boys, studying themselves from an unusual, unusual side. If in this case you allow the baby to play and satisfy his interest, it will soon go away on its own.

Imitating parents or older siblings. When a three-year-old baby puts his sister's doll to bed, this can only mean that he is replaying the usual situation from own life. In this way, the boy can learn the caring behavior that his father shows towards him, and this will even become a useful skill in the future. A girl, surrounded only by her brothers, can run enthusiastically and climb trees with them. Also, cars may be of interest to girls due to the fact that many mothers often drive them themselves.

Physical and psychological energies of the child. All children are different: they have different physical indicators of strength or weakness nervous system, and temperament, and much more. Therefore, a boy who is melancholic may feel uncomfortable with other, more active boys and begins to play with girls, in whose company he feels the strongest. Or, for example, an energetic girl may get bored playing with dolls, while climbing trees with boys will better allow her to splash out her energy.

Living in the process of playing your own difficult situations. A child may be drawn to dolls, since with their help children can act out difficult or painful situations from their lives in order to survive them, cope with them, and find ways to solve them. We can say that play is a tool for children’s own psychotherapy. By observing the child during such a game, but without interfering, parents can learn a lot about him (or even about themselves), they can understand what worries him or how he feels about something important. For example, if a boy plays out family quarrels with the help of dolls, it is important to ask the question: is it our son who embodies our behavioral scenarios in the game? Perhaps you should pay attention to your marital relationship, or at least stop swearing in front of your child.

The birth of a child of one sex, contrary to the parental dream of a child of the other sex. There are situations when parents (or one of them) dream of a daughter, and a son is born, or vice versa. In this case, the parent may often not accept the real gender of their child. Most often this happens unconsciously. An extreme manifestation of this rejection may be dressing a boy in women's clothing or, conversely, girls - into men's, as well as a direct expression of their desire to have a child. Such behavior can really greatly traumatize a child and cause internal conflict, rejection of oneself and one’s gender and, as a result, low self-esteem, self-doubt, depressive, and neurotic states in the future. And even if parents do not have such a pronounced hostility to the gender of the child, their initial desire can subconsciously influence the choice of a male or female model of the child’s behavior, in particular the choice of toys. In this regard, it is very important to really assess how much you, as a parent, accept the gender of your own child, whether you are sad because you wanted a “different” child and whether you are trying to “adjust” his behavior to your desire.

Deviations from the norm. This happens extremely rarely and you should not draw a conclusion about the “abnormality” of a child based on the mere fact of using toys of the opposite sex; it is always important to assess the overall picture. It is best if this assessment is carried out by specialists. It is worth contacting a psychologist if a child has been showing interest in “other people’s” toys for a very long time, if he begins to associate himself with representatives of the opposite sex or calls himself names of the other sex.

What you should pay attention to

An important question is what exactly are parents afraid of if their child behaves in a way that is non-standard for his gender? It can be assumed that this is how a child’s fear of choosing a non-traditional sexual orientation or his desire to change gender in the future is manifested. However, one cannot judge a child’s future orientation solely by one sign - the game characteristic of the opposite sex. Moreover, this game cannot be the reason for such a choice. But the reaction of parents to the behavior of their daughter or son may well affect the self-determination of a future woman or man.

Therefore, if you notice that you get annoyed when a child takes on things characteristic of the opposite sex, if you strive to take away such a toy as soon as possible, ban or even punish the child for it, then you should first pay attention to your own attitude towards gender issues. It is important to understand what exactly is bothering you about this, because your personal limitations can greatly influence the child’s life now and in the future. A psychologist can identify them and help cope with them in a personal consultation.

What should parents do?

Let's start with the fact that the main thing that parents should not do in this situation is to forbid playing with certain toys, react too emotionally, scold, and even more so punish for such a manifestation of interest. The effect of such reactions can be completely opposite to the desired one, and, at best, interest in toys of the opposite sex can be consolidated according to the principle “the forbidden fruit is sweet.”

It is best to show your child courageous and feminine behavior by example. Of course, you can emphasize your daughter's feminine qualities: for example, skirts and bows, buy a lot of dolls and show cartoons about princesses. But all these techniques are unlikely to work if the mother herself considers it unnecessary to use cosmetics, take care of herself and only wears trousers. The same can be said about male behavior: boys need to see an example of masculinity, preferably in their own father. Having such a guideline, the boy will choose “male” toys, and even if interest in dolls once arises, it will quickly pass by itself.

If you nevertheless see that your child’s play really has character traits behavior patterns of the other sex, and this is not just curiosity or imitation, then it is necessary to deal with one of the above reasons. Perhaps your overly energetic girl lacks tenderness and affection, while your melancholic boy needs support and understanding to believe in himself. In any case, your sensitivity to the child’s condition and unconditional love will help him cope with difficulties.

Every parent wants their child’s childhood to be joyful and their future to be happy. This is possible if a person remains himself, retains his childhood creativity, but at the same time learns to comply with the rules of the society in which he lives. Therefore, it is important to allow the child to express himself in a way that is natural for him, to give him the opportunity to experience the joy of play and direct communication, to accept and love him for who he is, but at the same time teach him social and moral norms.

The same applies to gender issues. Each of us has both feminine and masculine traits, although, of course, some of them predominate. It is important to accept both in a child (and in yourself too), to see his uniqueness and strive for him to become, first of all, a harmonious person.

Psychologist of the portal “I am a Parent”
Anastasia Vyalykh