Doesn't appear on the social network anymore. How do people who do not have social media accounts live? You will be more aware of your surroundings

- Andrey, most likely, she is no longer alive! - One of my assistants authoritatively declares to me, after he did not find the girl in any resume database, or in the telephone directory and, most importantly, in social networks. We are looking for a longtime acquaintance whom I crossed paths with several years ago as part of a major advertising campaign, but now I remembered and decided to renew the contact.

First of all, of course, I dialed my mobile number - the number was disabled. In principle, this did not surprise me in any way: you never know why the number may be disabled. They decided to use armor-piercing shells - a search in social networks and in the databases of resumes. In parallel, I went to look at the history on freelancer.ru.

She was remembered for her sense of humor and charming smile, and also for her directness. Right at the discussion of some stage of the advertising campaign, she issued such criticism that even experienced PR specialists fell silent. She chopped up designers, corrected copywriters, smashed the media plan to smithereens. With a smile so feminine that no one even thought to boil. For half a day then they argued, discussed, but still came to a common opinion. The project was completed, but the girl remained in my memory. And now, just on the threshold of a major project, I would not interfere with the team!

The most interesting thing is that she is a mercenary, not a full-time specialist of some agency, but an ordinary freelance lady who participated for rather modest fees in brainstorming work groups and further in stages. Therefore, from the real that we managed to find - this is the full name, address in Moscow and mobile number. I thought I would find a girl using this data in a matter of minutes. It turned out that not everything is so simple.

When we did not find her in the resume database, the first suspicions began. After all, every person at the age of 25 at least once at least once sent their resume somewhere ?! This is not the 90s, when people did not know what it was or sent resumes in envelopes on pieces of paper with the inscription "Questionnaire")). Still, we live in the era of the Internet! But the search really did not return any results.

Search on social networks. The strength and power of modern search business! The VK profile was found first, but it did not indicate the last date of entry to the site. What does it mean? That a person has been offline for at least a year. By the standards of today's life, not entering the VK account for a year without deleting this account is really either a feat or a drama.
Found a Facebook account. The wall, of course, is crammed with all sorts of rubbish from friends. The last entries and marks date back to 2013 (and our last meeting was in March 2012). It turns out that Facebook did not give an answer either. Friends are also closed.

We decided to go through Vkontakte friends. The first step was to filter out people from the city. There were 80 such people. Most of them are service customers who have not reported anything new. Yes, they say, we talked, probably, once in friends (some asked "Who is this ?!"), but we do not know about the current location.

There was no choice but to send a messenger to the apartment. They armed the messenger with a legend about a second cousin and a lost connection, issued a directive not to return without a result. I was really visited by the most vague thoughts. Okay, already with the order, where did the person go? Moscow, the twenty-first century in the yard. To be honest, it became even annoying if she really died, but I drove such thoughts as best I could. How can a girl die at the age of 25 ?! Nonsense. Moreover, she is pretty, smart and with a normal human approach to business processes. Although this is Moscow, constantly someone is born and dies ... Philosophical mood was interrupted by the phone call of the messenger.

Everything is fine! They gave the number of the owner of the hut, got in touch. She says she married some Englishman or Scotsman and screwed it abroad a year ago. Nothing more.

Do you have any acquaintances who are not on social networks at all? What makes a person go offline completely from the Internet?

A couple of months ago, I made the decision to stop sitting in contact. For greater efficiency, I completely stopped going there. This surprised some of my friends.

The final reason why I decided to do this, I felt like VK transforms me into a depressed robot.

Why a robot? Because I was caught in an endless loop. It annoyed me that I constantly went to read there "a little" news, and it all ended with a lot of time wasted and the longer I sat there, the weaker my connection with reality became, I could not stop wasting my time.

One of the best solutions

Since I left VK, I have never returned there. You will probably be surprised at how much you can change your life if you stop sitting in contact and other social networks.

No, this is not just about increasing free time and increasing productivity.

7 changes in my life after leaving social media

1) you will become more aware

Usually, I thought for a long time about whether to share a new post from my blog on a social network or not. I was afraid that people would start laughing and criticizing me. That is why I have always hesitated.

But after I left VK, I began to share everything like crazy.

Perhaps this is just me. But I believe that removing your photo and hints of your personality and separating the virtual world from the real one can help you find freedom and focus on anything in your life. This freedom allows you to focus on any area of ​​your life.

2) There will be no need to check yourself on the site

Sometimes this behavior is not even recognized and acts as a social currency. Let's face it, is there some truth to this?

When you leave social media, you can change, stop looking for endorsements from your followers and online friends. Instead, you will return to the real world and start judging yourself against real things like passion, health, fitness, and even money.

And we both know that focusing on the real thing brings real benefits.

3) your mood will improve

No matter how many friends you have online, there is always something to ruin your mood.

Typically, this can be bad news or a silly, violent video.

One click on them and you will be absorbed in it and your emotions for a while.

I'm not talking about the fact that most of what you see may not actually exist. Why let negativity consume your mind? There are enough shortcomings in the world. You don't need to invent any more.

4) see your friends in a new light

I once shared a picture that a friend of mine shared with the comment: "This guy looks retarded, he probably has down syndrome."

I was a little disappointed in my friend. In life, he is a good and decent person.

As I said before, most people strive to establish themselves online. I think for the most part, people today base their friendship and communication on the Internet. We judge people according to what they share with us, on their likes and other online activity.

5) you will be more aware of your surroundings

After all, when you are not on social networks, you do not need to constantly check your phone, expecting to see new notifications. You will be more in the world around you and enjoy your surroundings. When was the last time you did this?

As you become more aware of your surroundings, you may notice many amazing things. For example, what a beautiful home your neighbors have built, or watching a mother talk to her baby on the train, and perhaps let the warmth enter your heart.

These are the things that create life. The network cannot give you this.

6) Life literally becomes more real and you stop doubting yourself

I don't care what you think of the Internet, but here's the real truth: You can't believe everything you read and see on the site.

Even a “trustworthy source” may actually be unreliable. Anyone can use these words.

It always amuses me to hear how amazed friends are when they read new conspiracy theories and begin to think they have acquired a piece of amazing knowledge.

Learning is good, but can you accept everything that you can take for the truth everything that you see on social networks? No, perhaps you shouldn't do that. You should not lay in the foundation of your life what others think or say.

Those who decide to abandon social networks are free again and begin to focus on their life. You know that all this is real and you no longer puzzle over riddles. You are creating new experiences that you can store in your memory and share with others.

7) you will deeply appreciate everything you use

Tell me. When was the last time you watched an entire movie or TV series without the distraction of checking your phone?

When was the last time you surfed the internet and didn't get distracted by opening a tab on social media?

It's not that you're distracted. The point is, you don't value what you do.

All of these benefits can be obtained by ditching social media. For those who doubt the veracity of what was written, here is proof for you - try to abandon the social network and mobile applications for a few days and see what happens. If you're not ready to quit social media yet, you can start with small steps like uninstalling a mobile app.

You are sure to see significant results.

- Several tragic cases of recent times have one thing in common: it is obvious that the profiles of the participants in social networks were very different from their real life. What can make people create such electronic doubles for themselves?

- The reasons may be different, although they, of course, can be grouped in a certain way.

The fact that a person acts in one way or another always has reasons: the basis of human behavior is always a need - an internal need for something. In turn, this need determines the emotional states of desire. Desires give rise to actions, behavioral acts.

For example, if there is a need for reinforcement of the body, a feeling of hunger arises. Accordingly, a person starts looking for food, opens the refrigerator. If the refrigerator is empty, go to the store; if there is no money, he begins to extract this money.

- But what exactly are the needs that drive a person on the social network?

- When they talk about needs, they immediately recall the "pyramid of Abraham Maslow", there was an American psychologist of the mid-20th century who formulated the theory of the hierarchy of needs. At the base of its pyramid are biological and physiological needs: thirst, hunger, sexual passions, and the top - spiritual needs (self-actualization, knowledge of the meaning of one's existence, etc.) - this is the highest manifestation of human psychological forces. In the middle there is a group of social needs: security, the need to be in some kind of community, the need to love and be loved, the need for recognition or respect.

It is these needs, which psychologists call “glorious”, that make a person use social networks to create such a “showcase” image. One who is approved, who is envied. This image makes you love, respect, acknowledge - in a word, it provides the user with something that increases self-esteem.

- That is, a person translates into "virtual" needs that for some reason cannot be satisfied in real life?

- Yes, and he can do it for various reasons. There are simply conformists, they look at their acquaintances and imitate them, they try to be no worse. On the contrary, there are militant nonconformists who are trying to create an image of a protest hero on the Internet. And it doesn't have to be beautiful, but just bright.

There are people who protest, troll everyone in a row - this is also the image they need. There are people whose virtual image is based on purely psychological defense mechanisms. That is, their life does not develop, it is unsuccessful, but I don’t want to show it in front of relatives, friends, colleagues at work.

- Are we always fake on the Web, or can you avoid consciously building an image?

- The question is philosophical. I think, to some extent, always. When we first meet someone, we will not be ourselves, we always want to appear better. Therefore, the question is only in the proportions of the real and the unreal.

- In most cases.

Probably, there are people who manage to harmoniously fit into this form of communication, but most of them fall under the temptations that virtual reality provides. You are closed in it, you can prepare an impromptu in advance, polish your photo, use a spy quote.

This is all very convenient, because in live communication, unfortunately or fortunately, you have to be yourself. In reality, if you play, then play according to all the rules of the performing arts, and social networks are specific in this regard.

Dutch student Zilla van den Bohr conducted an experiment in which she made those around her believe that she had spent five weeks traveling in Thailand, Cambodia and Laos.

In fact, she went from the airport ... back to her apartment.

Most of the photos that later appeared on her page were edited using Photoshop. Not all of them had to be created from scratch. For example, part of the photo was taken in a local pool and was only lightly processed. One photo of a Buddhist temple was taken right on a street in Amsterdam.

After "returning" from the trip, Zilla herself told her shocked relatives about her experiment.

- Of course. What do we see most often on social media? Most people want to appear happy and successful - such a showcase image. A showcase is always a fence: we do not see behind it what is happening in the store, but we see what should lure us there, that is, we do not see reality.

An account on a social network is, on the one hand, a ceremonial portrait, and on the other, a kind of screen behind which a real person is hiding. Therefore, of course, when a person sees this splendor around him, he involuntarily wants to correspond.

I remember the American psychologist Leon Festinger, who developed the theory of social comparison: when a person builds behavior and forms views, he involuntarily begins to look for some kind of ruler, a scale. Usually these are the people around him, most often people who have in common with him essential characteristics: the same gender, age, social level. That is, these are girlfriends, colleagues, members of some communities where a person enters. Then he begins to compare himself with them and weigh what is worth.

Usually, in social networks, friends play such a role, with whom a person involuntarily compares himself and tries to look dignified. Of course, there are different types of personality, on the basis of which different characters are formed. Therefore, some need this recognition more, others less. Hence, a bar arises, which is set either very high, or "no worse than others."

- Oh sure. This is the trouble with social networks that a person falls into this trap. In general, social networks for many are a parallel dimension, where, if they create an image, they feel comfortable. And if it doesn't work out, they are unhappy, but they are no longer able to leave this dimension, because what they are looking for is also in this social network.

For example, a person does not succeed in something at work, in his personal life, his health is poor, he goes to a social network and sees there the iridescence of his friends' news feed. What does this generate? Negative feelings range from mild envy to anger. But the main thing that generates a social network is the artificiality of communication.

- Does it always end badly? Is a positive outcome possible here?

- Well, we started to go straight through the back porch, from the bad side. Basically, a social network is a conquest of human thought. This is an opportunity to immediately, instantly enter into communication with people.

For certain categories of people - very withdrawn, autistic, disabled - this is an opportunity to get more communication than they in principle can in real life, plus getting some social skills that they will not get while sitting within four walls.

This is a site, and how it functions depends on the person. But in order for a person to take from social networks only what is needed and not deform anything in himself, he must initially be mentally healthy and sufficiently harmonious. If this is not the case, we have to say that the social network, unfortunately, stimulates the negative that is in the personality, in its some kind of disharmonious features.

Facebook profile of a successful dermatologist Kirsten Rickenbach Serveni from Long Island was full of photographs of family meetings, travel, and a home in Long Island worth $ 1,640,000.

In early October, she was found in the doorway of an old apartment building, where, as shown by CCTV cameras, a longtime acquaintance and a taxi driver had left her unconscious a few hours earlier. Death came from drug overdose.

- Is there a set of conditions and diagnoses when you just need to turn off the Internet?

- It is difficult to argue so categorically, such a question has never been raised.

There is a certain pathological condition "Internet addiction", which has been a clinical reality since the mid-1990s. Of course, this is the case when you need to find a way to turn off your computer, although sometimes this is almost impossible.

In addition, a certain culture has now developed, especially characteristic of young people. They just live on this internet. At least half of the people who use the same social networks admit that it is difficult for them to control themselves.

- Not necessary, but the risk is high.

The question of the fundamental principle of addictions is generally a medical and philosophical question, there is still no answer to it. Just as among drug addicts, for example, there is still no consensus about whether a person who becomes a drug addict is initially flawed. Common sense suggests that yes, in some ways he is predisposed, but there is no scientific justification for this fact yet.

- We talked about the person who creates his own profile. Now let's talk about others. Can you believe everything that is written on the Internet?

- The answer is obvious: of course not. Because the Internet, as many say, is a big cesspool where everything is dumped, including the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible. And sometimes it is difficult to determine in which heap to include this or that.

- If you see such a set of ceremonial photographs on the wall of a friend, what to do: envy, sympathize, suspect something was wrong, call and console?

If this is the closest relative, there are probably other ways of communication. It might be worth asking, maybe even making some effort to get more reliable information about how he lives.

It is clear that we must weigh everything. By themselves, the pictures on a page on a social network speak exactly about what a person wants people to know about. And you just need to be interested in the life of loved ones outside of the Internet.

The search query "ideal profile" opens several dozen pages of links, most of the materials in which are ready-made instructions for creating the ideal image.

If you are applying, for example, for a promotion, your profile should not contain skeptical comments about your native company, as well as incriminating photos from corporate events. People on whose pages there are no radical statements and those who are not seen communicating with unreliable friends can apply for successful employment.

To get a loan, you need to remove from the walls records of all previous loans, photos of purchased gadgets and leave communities like "How not to give loans."

For those who go on a date, the "ideal profile specialists" suggest clarifying the girl's favorite flowers and dishes, as well as the list of places she likes to visit. Optimal - to learn a few lines of her favorite poet. In the latter case, the creation of an ideal image smoothly moves from "virtual" to "real".

- Why doesn't society chronically notice such things? And from time to time, one story repeats itself: the photo shows an ideal family, every kind of prosperity is demonstrated. The last post is about how everything is fine with us, then - a tragedy.

- Society cannot see anything at all, specific people can see. And only loved ones can see something real.

In fact, a person may simply not have close relatives. Or he has them, but he is on bad terms with them, in formal terms. There are friends, but among them not a single real friend who would know the essence of family problems.

And then, after all, situations can be different, and the same murders can be completely impulsive. There are painful reasons why such impulsive actions can be performed, for example, there are special states in the form of twilight clouding of consciousness.

That is, you always need to study each specific situation. At the very least, it is probably impossible to carry out preventive measures on the information of social networks, except perhaps in cases when the screaming information “I don’t want to live” or “I want to kill someone” is published. But in such cases, everything is on the surface, and the people who read and see this should launch a mechanism of social and legal response.

- And when all is well, what does a person write on his page? Or is a successful profile also a wall that he builds?

No, because they publish exactly what they want to publish. If they want to share with someone or solve a problem, they are unlikely to do it on a social network. There are probably some exceptions, but, as a rule, this is not done through public discussions.

Time to retire from social media, trust me! Do not believe? My life changed when I left several social networks, and began to use VK exclusively for access to TV shows, reviews and music. I got more time, which I again began to spend on good literature, films, toys and some hobbies. I spent more time in the gym and stopped taking my phone with me to training. And you know ... I didn’t even break, I just didn’t take the phone to the hall, nothing changed, except for the appearance of a slight halo of freedom around me. Last December, I retired from Facebook, where I talked with people from other countries. Our communication was not productive, just “Hello, how are you?” I figured it out and deleted the page. After analyzing the situation now, I realized that life is getting better. So why should you retire from all social networks, leaving only fakes for music and video?

1. Time

There was a joke on the network that if you get out of bed in the morning and run to check your Twitter, you cannot be saved. In fact, we spend a LOT of time on what is called "surfing social networks." It's not bad if you have an account on one social network, but if there are many? You tweet, flip through Instagram, watch the blogs of your friends, answer the dude on VKontakte. Smartphones have made these procedures quick, but they are still wasting time, and they are doing great! After I retired from social networks, any conversation on Skype or ICQ (yes, I have one) at work becomes painful for me, because it seems very long and not on the case. I cannot completely withdraw from everywhere: work does not allow. But the fact that I have freed up a lot of time and learned how to manage it is a fact.

2. Girls

It's easy to get acquainted with a girl on social networks, but the time spent talking to her, getting her out on the first date, and then on another one, at a cost much more than the time that you can spend when you get to know girls in ordinary places. It is much faster and more enjoyable to meet girls in cafes, bars, clubs and thematic meetings.

3. Employers

You know, employers actually browse social media for their jobseekers and employees. Seriously, some employers and colleagues will gladly visit your VKontakte page to see what you are. If you are monitored at work how much time you spend in social networks and how often you succumb to the temptation to read the news feed, instead of working, your business is bad. Nobody wants to have an Internet-dependent employee, though ... They are all like that now!

4. Friends

Why do you need a website to communicate with friends? We no longer remember how joyful it was to meet each other, because we discuss all pressing problems with friends online. Often our dialogue is meaningless because we exchange pictures and courtesies without any eye contact. Better to call on Skype, by God, at least you can see the person! Now long correspondence with friends makes me incredibly tired. It would be much more pleasant for me to chat with friends over a glass of good beer, but the problem is that friends still prefer to talk over the network. And I have almost forgotten how to communicate like that. It's unpleasant! Of course, I will not drive about the need for personal communication, but no one canceled a video chat or a Skype call. I never thought that I would declare that communication on Skype is more sincere than communication on Facebook or VKontakte.

5. Content

In social networks, you can find interesting groups with various useful information. Groups, unfortunately, deteriorate pretty quickly. They can start their existence with excellent quality content about historical facts and other troubles, and then degenerate into collections of entertaining facts in the spirit of "Did you know that Peter I did not drink tea with sugar ..." I was subscribed to a couple of interesting groups that posted good content that corresponded to my specific interests, but this point is not about content in general, it is about the content of my friends. My classmates take pictures of their big pregnant bellies and post photos of their children, re-read stupid recipes for salads with mayonnaise. Friends post unfunny jokes; someone is actively collecting likes under an ad about a cat that is looking for owners. And that's it! People do not post photos so that they are stored somewhere, they post them only to be liked, approved by virtual currency. Girls post their photos to receive messages: "Marinochka, you are so sexy!" People who have self-esteem issues need social approval - that's the only reason for this behavior and the overwhelming amount of shit in the news feed.

6. Meetings

I heard from one dude that he was planning his weekend with the help of Facebook and Contact. He looked where the concerts are now, where the apartment owners are, in which cafe they are going to play "Mafia" and so on and so forth. You can find out about the concerts on the poster sites of your city. If you have the necessary contacts, phone numbers of friends and event organizers, you can easily find out what events are expected in the near future in your city. Sometimes though, I'll admit, social media can come in handy. For example, if you have absolutely no idea where to go. But I think you can find something to do. When I had a VKontakte account, I didn’t pay much attention to the meetings, anyway I don’t attend them!

7. News feed or updates

The worst thing about any social network is the update feed, which can make you spend hours staring at all sorts of nonsense crap. Even if you come across useful information that you want to remember, after reading it, you will forget it with a 99 percent probability. Information can be meaningless. Information is often unnecessary, in our information age 90 percent of all information you receive is of no value to you. Trust us, dude! Do you seriously need all these funny pictures, demotivators, beautiful quotes taken out of context, political texts from blogs? This is meaningless information! There are sites for funny pictures, for example ours. When you leave the networks, you look at our photo collections!

8. Low information content of messages and poor layout

There is no way to post more or less beautifully designed articles on social networks. Or articles designed in such a way that they are pleasant to read. A relatively small VKontakte article reads much slower than an article on a website. I am sure that you never read to the end large articles on any social network, because there are “a lot of bukaf”. It is much more difficult to find out about what is happening in the world from social networks. When I had social media accounts last year, there was a major plane crash. Everyone was talking about her, and I wasn’t dreaming, because I wasn’t subscribed to any newsgroup. And are you signed?

9. Opinions

The most annoying thing about social networks is the statuses and messages from those who want to ask someone's opinion. Even a simple status “I want to eat something tasty” is an involuntary interest in someone else's opinion. And such statuses appear all the time! Someone writes about their fears; someone writes how he loves his boyfriend or his cat; someone is wondering if a new piece of clothing suits him. All these people are madly dependent on the opinions of others and on the positive assessments expressed by strangers. At the moment, I truly, to the core, hate these people who share their lives on social media in order to get a positive assessment of their actions.

Once upon a time, ladies, looking closely at a gentleman, assessed how he behaves in society, how good his manners are, and what they say about his condition. Today it is much easier for us women. It is enough to look at his page on the social network, and you get a lot of information about education, work, circle of friends, hobbies, favorite films and music. And if you know something about male psychology, then you can dig deeper ...

According to RBC, the law firm Divorce-Online (Great Britain) conducted a study that showed that every fifth break in a relationship happens due to the fact that a partner caught a spouse of infidelity through Facebook.

Light my mirror, tell me

Men, no less than women, love to draw attention to their appearance, if you don't believe it, take a walk social media pages... Psychologists have noticed that just one avatar can already tell a lot about a man. Those who like to show off put a good picture on their avatar - often it is a naked torso against the backdrop of a beach or a beautiful car. Business men have no time to admire themselves: they use avatars for purely practical purposes, placing advertisements and posters on them. Photos of film actors and show business stars can be found in men of a demonstrative type who like to be paid attention to. By the way, it is also common for men with demonstrative behavior to periodically delete and restore the page. If on his avatar you see a Cheshire cat, Gandalf or some other invented character, then most likely this is an infantile "big boy". An individual who wants to highlight his business success will post a photo in a business suit on his avatar. A gentleman who is not too confident in his appearance will prefer to put a close-up of his face or a photograph in dark glasses on his avatar. Athletes often place the logo of their favorite team on the page on the day of an important match.

According to measurements of the Russian Internet audience, carried out by the American company comScore, social networks are visited by 75.8% of women and 69.7% of men, reports MediaPost.

Pay attention to the following points:

Closed social network page suggests that a man is selective in communication. He may not want his profile to be seen by colleagues, superficial acquaintances, or people from a past life. Introverts often close pages. The page of a sociable person is usually open to new friends.

Show me your page and I'll tell you who you are

Of particular interest is the "personal information" section. Phrases such as "Let's start with the fact that I'm a megakirk!" the narcissist, the narcissistic man, is immediately betrayed. He likes to quote in his profile the opinions of others about himself, he is interested in anonymous confessions. A cavalier who describes himself with phrases like “I'm complicated, girls like it” or “There is nothing good in me” play the role of such a bad guy, although in fact they often turn out to be very vulnerable. A man who emphasizes his independence calls himself a "free shooter" or means that he is "in free flight."

According to The Online Monitor, which conducted a study of the Runet audience, a third of users visit social networks 2-4 times a day, and about 18% do this more than 10 times a day.

If he writes about himself "The Fruit of Your Imagination", then be prepared for the fact that this "tough nut" does not crack so easily: he has several active roles that he likes to play. Men who describe themselves as "lazy" or "bored" are highly self-critical. And the real bore is the one who patiently describes all 355 favorite bands, not forgetting to name the 100 films that amazed him and insert 30 book quotes.

Several keys to the secrets of his character

• Pay attention to the "Questions" and "Notes" sections: whiners often ask questions like "I am not happy, what should I do?", Romantics are interested in "Can love be eternal?" est veritas? "
• Statuses: a man who changes statuses several times a day leads an active Internet life. If he does not set statuses at all, then, as a rule, his real life is much more interesting than a virtual one. Such a prince uses the page to communicate with friends: invites you to meet, announces a new mobile number.
• Desires: if he dreams of a gift edition of Harry Potter, then in front of you is clearly a somewhat infantile gentleman. If on the list of his desires solid gadgets and devices flicker, be ready to share it with the computer.