The wife is breastfeeding her husband. A male perspective on breastfeeding. Dmitry Petrenko - manager of a private joint venture

Yes they can. In their 1896 book Anomalies and Curiosities in Medicine, Dr. George Gould and Dr. Walter Pyle cite several examples of men who breastfeed their children. The cases described include the story of a sailor who held a baby to his breast to stop crying, and as a result he began to produce milk. Or the story of a South American peasant who breastfeed his child when his wife fell ill, or the story of a Chippewa man who began breastfeeding when his wife died and was able to feed the child as a result.
And in our time, you can find similar examples. In 2002, a Sri Lankan man, B. Vigeratne, lost his wife and was left with an 18-month-old daughter in his arms. The baby refused to drink the artificial formula, and Vigeratne decided to try feeding himself. “I could no longer see her crying and offered my own breasts,” Vigeratne said in an interview with a local newspaper. "So I learned that I could breastfeed."
Vigerat's case is not unique. In theory, all men can breastfeed because they have two prerequisites for lactation - the mammary glands and the pituitary gland. The mammary glands that produce milk are found in all mammals, regardless of gender, and are their defining characteristic. In some species, such as mice, the male mammary glands are so underdeveloped that they cannot function. However, all people, regardless of gender, have fully formed breasts, milk ducts, and nipples.
Of course, in order for a person to breastfeed, these glands must first be activated. In women, this process usually occurs during pregnancy, when the pituitary gland in the brain begins to produce large amounts of the hormone prolactin, which prepares the breasts to produce milk.
All men produce small amounts of prolactin during their lifetime. For example, prolactin is released after orgasm, and it may be that prolactin is associated with feelings of satisfaction and relaxation after sex. It's just that men usually have too little prolactin to allow them to breastfeed.
However, under certain psychological circumstances, the brain may require the body to start producing this hormone. This happens, for example, to mothers of adopted babies who suddenly discover that they can breastfeed. And as the cases described by Dr. Gould and Dr. Pyle demonstrate, in similar circumstances the same can happen to men.

And more material:

In early September 2009, the Swedish newspaper The Local reported about a 26-year-old boy named Ragnar Bengtsson, who decided to test for himself whether the male body can produce breast milk. In other words, can a man, if necessary, breastfeed his children himself? Do not rush to frown in disgust, let's take a closer look at the problem.
“If the experience is successful,” Ragnar told reporters, “it will help men get much closer to their baby. In addition, it will be possible to breastfeed the baby if a young mother, for example, gets sick or, God forbid, dies.
Ragnar even set up his own blog on the Internet, which features a documentary titled "Breastfeeding Man: A Drop at a Time."
How does Ragnar do it? She takes a breast pump, applies it to her nipple and within a few minutes performs the same manipulations as a nursing mother. Three hours later, he repeats. And since he is a full-time student at the Faculty of Economics at Stockholm University, then, according to him, over the next few months he will have to use suction not only at home, but, if necessary, in the classroom in the classroom.
“If I start lactating and milk is no worse than a woman’s milk, it will be a major achievement,” said Ragnar.
But is the male body adapted for the lactation process? Many people think that this is unnatural! But experts say that a man may well become a nursing father, but only after he begins to take special hormones. However, Ragnar is not going to use drugs in his experiment. He believes that constant exposure to the breast with a breast pump can increase the level of estrogen in his body.
Yet the maximum a man can hope for is a few drops of milk per hour, experts say.

He is considered insane

Ragnar began his experiment on September 1, 2009 and intends to continue it until early December. On September 2, he was shown in one of the most popular shows on Swedish television. After the broadcast, debates began across the country and abroad. Particularly heated controversy was caused by Ragnar's intention to engage in stimulating lactation in public - in the university classroom.
“If it bothers anyone, that's their problem,” he said decisively.
Be that as it may, not everyone welcomes the daring of the future dad.
- There were many cases of harsh criticism in my address, - says Ragnar. “Some people think I'm crazy.

Warmth and comfort

At the very beginning of development, the human embryo has no sex - future boys and girls have the same structure. And only after six weeks does the male Y-chromosome come into play, that is, the differences characteristic of a boy are formed. But by this time, the future man already has papillae.
Sigbritt Werner, professor of endocrinology at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, believes Bengtsson will be able to achieve something in three or four months.
- Women are breastfeeding after they have metaphorically bathed in estrogen for nine months of pregnancy. Thus, it takes time to start lactation. But if Ragnar works on this regularly, then perhaps he will achieve that in his body begins to produce pro-lactin - the hormone responsible for the secretion of colostrum, she said. But at the same time, she emphasized that a man can give a baby a breast not only in order to feed, but also just to calm down.
- If the mother is gone, and the baby is crying, dad may well attach the baby to his breast, says Dr. Werner.
- After all, they not only breastfeed, but with its help they give the baby a feeling of warmth and comfort.

Strange family

By the way, on June 30, 2009, the Swedish press talked about the original married couple. These young parents have a two-year-old child. So, in this family it is believed that the separation of people by gender is a purely social phenomenon. Therefore, mom and dad still do not tell anyone whether they have a boy or a girl. Baby, that's all! They call him (or her) Pop, but this is not the real name, but the conventional name of the baby, who has trousers and dresses in the closet, and the child chooses what to wear.
“We want our child to grow up really free,” the 24-year-old mother of the baby told the newspaper Svenska Dagbladet. - Only the one who changes the baby's diapers knows what gender he is - male or female. But bringing a child out into the world with a gender definite once and for all is cruel.
A very strange position. Psychologist Susan Pinker believes that such an experiment is dangerous: if we hide basic things from children, it subsequently hits the parents themselves.
- either in the form of a child's psychosomatic illness, or in the form of his protest behavior. But Christina Henkel, a gender equality consultant, argues that there are too many stereotypes in society: a boy is initially supposed to be considered more masculine just because he is a boy. And if this is something indefinite, "neuter", then the attitude to the baby will be as a person, and not as a boy or girl.
What can you say about this? Only one thing - it's better to experiment on yourself, and not on a defenseless child.

Breastfeeding ... fathers

But back to our topic. In Central Africa, there is a tribe of aka pygmies (about 20 thousand people). While mom is hunting, dad is breastfeeding the baby. And vice versa.
Literature, from the Talmud to classic novels, contains descriptions of men breastfeeding. For example, in "Anna Karenina" there is a short story about a child who sucked the breast of an Englishman, whose wife died. And we have every reason to believe that this is possible.
Back in 1896, in the Anomalies and Curiosities of Medicine catalog, George Gould and Walter Pyle cited several eyewitness accounts of a man feeding a child. Among them was a 32-year-old dad from South America who was seen by the German naturalist Alexander von Humboldt. This dad, due to his wife's illness, acted as a wet nurse for five months. The catalog contains information about male missionaries. While in Brazil, they were forced to breastfeed their newborns on their own, as their wives became ill and lost their milk.
And here is a story that many probably still remember. On November 1, 2002, FrancePress published a short report about B. Vigeratna, 38, from Sri Lanka, who nursed his two daughters while they were infants, as his wife died in a second birth. Vigeratne tried to feed the babies with powdered milk, but they just sobbed. Then, in despair, the man began to put the girls to his chest. They immediately fell silent and began to suck. And soon Vigeratne had milk.
Researcher and traveler David Livingston (1813-1873) describes a similar incident in Scotland. The nursing mother died, and her husband began to put his son to the breast. To the surprise of those around him, the father was soon able to feed the baby himself.

For a career

In a 1995 article for Discover magazine, titled "Father's Milk," Pulitzer Prize-winning physiologist Jad Diamond wrote that stimulation of the nipple, hormonal imbalance, and fasting can lead to prolactin. Such incidents were seen during World War II among prisoners of Nazi concentration camps and Japanese POW camps. And our contemporary Laura Shenley claims that a man can induce lactation even by self-hypnosis. Her common-law husband David said that he would feed the child himself, and after a week his breasts became swollen, and milk began to ooze from the nipples.
Males of many mammalian species have the potential for lactation (bulls, goats, dogs, wolves, lions, gibbons). Diamond points out that in our time, male lactation could be beneficial to society. Indeed, today many nursing mothers are forced to sacrifice their careers for the sake of the family.

So similar!

Up to a certain age, boys and girls resemble each other in many ways. And only during puberty their body changes significantly - under the influence of hormones. This means that genetically, women should retain some remnants of the channels that remove sperm, and in men - remove milk. They have the tissues necessary for this at a young age, but then they gradually disappear. In case of urgent need, it turns out that they can "resurrect".
Let us not forget that a person's thought, feeling, and a keen desire to help a dear creature play a huge role. And although men do not have a formed bust, they are still able to help a baby in an emergency.
So dads - current and future, take note of this: what if it comes in handy sometime? ..

Evgeny Tokarev,
"Secrets of the twentieth century", No. 41/2009

From myself, I can add that I heard about a case from this series back in the 80s - although he was not in Russia, Soviet newspapers wrote about him. Actually, this recollection prompted the aza to joke on the Internet on the topic.

Women decipher this abbreviation quite easily, while she enters men into a stupor. It happened to me too. Therefore, if you are a father or want to become one, remember once and for all: HB is breastfeeding.

As a specialist, I talked about the fact that in our family we feed according to a mixed style of feeding. He gave the pros and cons of breastfeeding methods. But I'm a man. How does GW concern me? I can't take a baby and breastfeed him when he is hungry or when it's time to feed. It is so customary in the world that the male sex is deprived. So what right do I have to talk about GW and give opinions?

Even if I decide that Eve needs to be fed on demand, because in Africa, there was a study where women for two years fed their children at first squeak. So it turns out: by the age of two, they are more developed than European children. But the morning will come, I'll wake up, get dressed and go to work. The wife will stay at home. And she suddenly decides: well, him with these African statistics. Let the husband (i.e. me) try it himself first. And he will start feeding on schedule. And I will come in the evening and again start talking about the fact that on demand is the best option. She will agree and in the evening will feed on demand, and a new morning will come, I will go to work again, and my wife ...

So what is my role in this GW? Is it really just to philosophize? Perhaps, male psychologists who reflect on the topic of GW are living the situation described above. It doesn't work at home, so at work they write a book about what they think is right in the GW.

So I will try to summarize my own observations and conclusions about my male usefulness in GW. I think breastfeeding is not just a woman's topic. In him, in feeding, a man plays a significant role.

Power

To begin with, I would like to note that with the birth of a child, I lost my undivided power over my wife's breast. Now I have a small competitor - Eva. She seized power with lightning speed, and now she is not going to share. This is how the little woman overthrew the monarch. Someone will say that for men this is one of the disadvantages of breastfeeding. But I want to give a counterargument: a wife and a baby sucking on the breast - this is true beauty, it is happiness to see the tenderness of touches and looks. Every day I can contemplate this picture (Leonardo da Vinci saw a similar picture, I think that this moment also struck him to the depths of his soul, and he captured what he saw on canvas). For me, as a man, this moment is magic. And I don’t want to change it to a bottle with the mixture.

Meaning

There come moments when the wife gets tired, and that's when I go on stage. My role is to remind you for what purpose this is being done. Because with continuous repetitive actions, the meaning of actions is lost. The mechanic comes. And then I try to redefine the breastfeeding motive. I am talking about how invaluable breast milk is. How many nutrients it contains, that thanks to him the child will have good immunity and he will be less likely to get sick.

Breast shape

I have read and heard that many modern mothers refuse to breastfeed for fear that breastfeeding will become ugly. It will take on a saggy shape. As soon as I start hearing something like this from my wife, I try not to develop this topic. I assure her that I didn’t marry on my chest.

It's hard for me to understand a woman's fear of breasts. How can you agree to the birth of a baby, and then slip a nipple instead of a breast? I don't understand my masculine logic. The baby at my wife's breast makes me proud: besides, by deliberately tearing it from the breast, the woman loses some kind of spiritual connection. I agree that you can raise a beautiful baby on mixtures, but in the first year, or even two, you will not feel how you transfer some kind of power through milk. When you start to feed the baby, you will feel the energy emanating from you, which is the life of the baby. As a man, I am deprived of such joy. I have other joys of communicating with the baby. But I would never refuse such an opportunity.

Therefore, I try so that my wife does not worry about the shape of her breasts, because this is a feat of motherhood - to follow the needs of the child and give him the best. Now I have handed over the breasts for safekeeping to my daughter's safe hands, she tries to keep her in good shape every day.

Words and hugs

With hugs it is easier, but with words it is tough. Every time I have to say great epithets, there is an inhibition in my head. I can write them, because there is time to remember, to think, but to say ... Therefore, I try to prepare in advance for the moments when difficulties arise with the GW. For me, pronouncing words of support during GW sometimes happens mechanically and memorized, but sometimes a surge of emotions will prevail, and then I cannot be stopped. For words, women need us (when my wife read this note, she repeated it aloud several times). Because every day she does the same thing many times. Here, of course, doubts arise. It is at this moment that male support is needed to help overcome the fog of doubt.

Emotional stability

I am more resistant to stress. I have more logic than emotion. I do not have that imbalance in the body that my wife has after childbirth and during the nursing period. Therefore, when my wife has emotional outbursts, I need to keep my head in the cold. You can't give in to emotional provocations. I have to think for myself, my wife and Eve. When a few months have passed, and my wife has passed the postpartum depression, for my prudence, she will still say "thank you" to me.

Taste of childhood

When I look at my daughter, who so eagerly devours her mother's milk, a secret desire arises - to taste it. At first I tried secretly, so that my wife would not know. How is this possible? Everything is very simple. The wife poured into a jar and put it in the refrigerator for storage. I secretly opened the jar and ...

I will say that my ears did not grow, and I did not become a kid, as in the fairy tale about Ivanushka, who drank from a puddle. I confess that my expectations were more and more pleasant than the taste of this milk. Perhaps because it was cold. A few days later he grew bolder and voiced his desire to his wife. She did not see anything vicious in my desire, so she let me try it without any problems. And when my daughter quenched her appetite, I got a few drops. It's better than fridge. But I definitely won't be able to drink it in glasses. How did I drink it as a baby? I guess I liked it as well as Eve.

This is how I tasted childhood.

Message in a bottle

In the end, I want to turn to my wife. I would appeal to all women, but no one authorized me to represent the interests of all men, so this appeal will be on behalf of one man. If any of the men thinks the same way, I will be glad if you join.

“My dear wife! Beloved. I am immensely happy that you became a mother. Thank you very much for your daughter. The period when you started breastfeeding is psychologically difficult for me. I need time to get used to the idea that our family already has not only you, but another little man. He now requires a lot of strength and attention. I understand that you need to eat right so that Eve does not have gas and does not have a stomach ache. Therefore, I agree that there will be a lot of vegetables and herbs in the kitchen. No matter how much I would like fried, I am ready to endure. What you read about men is largely untrue. And all due to the fact that the authors of such articles are women. I would like to show you a good article from a man, but so far my searches have not been crowned with success. I hope that soon there will be men who will not hesitate to talk about their experiences during breastfeeding. In the meantime, trust me: I'm trying to get used to the idea that you are not alone. This is not jealousy - this is something else that I cannot describe. There is pride in this feeling. Pride for us. Be patient a little, I need time. Better yet, guide me gently. "

These women are no different from us. They live, work among us.
They are beautiful, successful, rich ...
And walking down the street you will not distinguish her from the crowd and will not see any obvious signs that speak of the role of "mother-wife". And, perhaps, even after talking, you will not notice anything so unusual ... and nevertheless I want to say once again - "they exist!"
The roots of these girls come from families where:
- the keeper of the hearth and the breadwinner in one person is the woman, and the man plays the role of "a quiet, non-conflict male." In such a family, the distorted style of the entire family structure is involuntarily shown. No, don’t you think, the man in these families also has a more or less some kind of voice, but the last decision is "heard" behind his mother. Not so - MOTHER !;
- there is an anamnesis (history) of an alcoholic family. In such difficult conditions, it is difficult to learn real family values, so these children early "make a decision -" I am all MYSELF! "," Only I can handle it! "," Everything is only in my (and only mine) hands "...
- families where men are not "found". In psychology, there is a term "Matryoshka family". In each generation, there are one, two, three or more women who either live together or communicate closely without having men. Men simply do not stay there. This is how the grandmother of a husband who lost her husband early can live, but who gave birth to and raised a daughter on her own (putting her own life on the line and telling her daughter that "I did not marry for your sake"). My daughter, living with her mother (and how can she leave her here alone? She laid down her life!) Feeling guilty and unable to build, in the end, a trusting relationship with the opposite sex. The same way gives birth to a daughter (symbolic, right?) And so the third generation of women continues.
Sometimes little girls grow up and leave the Matryoshka House, get married, but they still cannot build psychologically healthy relationships with men. Their relationship is ambivalent (two extremes) or they become "daughters-wives" or "mothers-wives".
Breaking out of these roles requires deep debriefing and awareness.
- and, various other reasons ...
Some of the characteristics of a "mom-wife" relationship with a man can be compared to breastfeeding.
* every time a woman is ready to invest in a man like in a child, sacrificing something.
Most often - with your life. The quality of life!
When we invest in children, the children reflect this and thank us.
When we "feed a grown man with breast milk," he becomes hungrier and hungrier. More and more milk is needed!
* men next to such a woman are hungry! Hungry for everything: energy, resources, forces, ideas!
* men are helpless, weak, not independent - like newborns, only in an adult body.
Some, for example, of them have been looking for work for months, while women are hunters (in 2-3 jobs) without investing in household chores.
Some have been "fed breakfast" for a long period, that tomorrow there will be more money (if it works), while you feed him a real breakfast and YOURSELF (regret, take on com. Services, continue to cook delicious hearty dinners in spite of What. And if you suddenly kick up, you will feel guilty. And these women have a lot of guilt already).
Remember the movie "The Princess on the Beans" with Zhigunov? A perfect illustration of this family.
Want to find a prince ?! - Become a princess! Queen !, not a dairy nanny mom.
* a particularly interesting point is that a woman is LOOKING for someone to feed. She needs a good consumer of her milk!
So they choose (unconsciously) exactly the type of men with whom they SHOULD BE in the role of "mother". They do not know other, equal partnerships. Nobody told them about them or showed them ...
Did you recognize yourself?
It happens. There is an exit.
1. Understanding and tracking your attempts to "feed" an adult man is already half the way. You are a woman, not a mother for a husband. The man already has a mother, she gave birth to him, raised him and invested something!
Therefore, if you feel that a man sat on your neck (literally and figuratively), then think HOW he FOUND the way to your neck! Didn't you point it out to him?
2. Stop your complaints about the man. Yes, he can be weak, dependent, Ever-Where-What-Forgetting and absent-minded. Yes he is! And with you, he may not need to be different - YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM. Maybe you should look at yourself and stop?
3. Work with your fears!
Lithgalla

As promised, we continue to publish thematic materials during World Breastfeeding Week. Today we decided to look at breastfeeding from a different angle and ask the point of view of men.

It is not uncommon for a long-awaited child to become a rival to his own father. Without noticing this, a man experiences jealousy not only because all the attention of a beloved woman is directed to the child, but also for a reason that is not spoken about aloud - this is breastfeeding. Yes, yes, at that very moment when a woman begins to breastfeed her baby, the husband unconsciously develops jealousy. Many will say that it is not so with us, it is different with us, we will not argue. Let's just figure it out: how does breastfeeding affect the father of the family? Let's talk about this for a start with a psychologist, an expert in the field of relationships - Natalia Melekhina.

Natalia, how can the decision to breastfeed affect my husband?

Everyone knows that if the mother has milk, then it is necessary to feed the baby, because he receives a large amount of nutrients from the mother's milk. Do not forget that breastfeeding contributes to the formation of the child's basic trust in the world - through contact with the mother.

Absolutely every man understands this, and knows most of the points that speak in favor of feeding. In principle, there should be no resistance from the husband, unless we are talking about some deviations or reasons of our own, caused by psychological trauma in childhood.

Why can there be jealousy about this process?

An important point, one might say the reason, is the attitude of the woman herself towards her man. Jealousy is rather a consequence of the designation of a man's position by his woman. I will try to explain a little. When your partner no longer becomes a "husband" and "beloved", but a "daddy" and there is an identification with a woman, as with a relative, then, excuse me, is sex with relatives possible?

There is another side of the coin. A woman, becoming a mother, immerses herself completely in the child. And if the husband overlooked: for example, the child fell, hit, - she rushes at him like a fury, but the psychology of a man is such that men keep the boy in themselves, and at this moment they transfer the situation to the fact that they no longer love him, posing the question in my head: because of whom? Also, the refusal of intimacy in the evening, associated with the fact “that I am very tired today, the child has worn me out”, immediately in the mind of the husband forms a firm conviction that the child is to blame. Not in the sense that it is his direct fault, but an unconscious reason for a man, why he was "disliked", something "not given". And as a result - a feeling of jealousy for the child that he has round-the-clock access to the body that belonged to him as a husband.

What drives a man: childhood memory of mom or a feeling of possessiveness to his wife?

There can be several reasons for the appearance of jealousy, and they are all different. One of them is the man's internal attitudes, formed, as I said above, as a result of psychological trauma received in childhood and associated with a certain interaction with his mother. Maybe with peeped sexual intercourse between parents, when dad touched mom's breasts and, more often than not, these injuries are not recognized and repressed, but are "activated" in a similar situation, when his woman becomes a mom.

These facts have profound consequences, if we now go into them, then this will be a conversation about the already wounded inner child and this is more the exception than the rule.

Although the perception may be different: the woman is all his territory and her body also belongs to him, therefore jealousy may arise, but in these cases it is not pronounced, because the man understands that the child is also his territory and it is absurd to compete with him.

For the most part, men do not talk about this, but by what actions can you determine tension?

Rarely does a man clearly understand that he is jealous of his wife's breast for the child. It is very difficult to independently understand your unconscious, which is why it is called “unconscious”. It is difficult for a man to understand all these processes and he finds for himself an explainable reason or a way of reacting. Here are a few of them:

• This may be a reaction to the breastfeeding of the child, which "belongs" to him, in the sense of the breast, but there may be a transfer to other areas of relationships, not only related to breast jealousy.
• There is also a reaction to a woman's excessive, in his opinion, care and guardianship, to the fact that, in his opinion, she pays a lot of attention to the child.
• Irritability at the word "feeding" or the husband's urgent need for help, attention at the very moment when the woman is determined to feed the child.
• Over-worrying about keeping your breast in shape after breastfeeding, and talking about weaning.

I really want to warn moms that the above signs may not necessarily indicate jealousy. After all, this may be due to your husband's concern for you.

Is jealousy of breastfeeding on the part of a man a rule or an exception?

I can say with confidence that this is not a rule, otherwise thousands of articles would have already been written about this, hundreds of books have been published and dozens of programs shot. This is not yet the case, and the topic remains quite young, albeit relevant. Most likely, there is a separately taken reaction of a man to the fact that his attention is taken away or "encroached" on his territory, and it is manifested in this way, because the breast is exactly what both the child and the husband have access to.

By the way, some men are not entirely pleasant to kiss their breasts, which are filled with milk, this is their internal resistance, may be due to disgust, fear or other prejudices. My recommendation - do not insist and do not be offended, this period will pass.

So what should a woman do to keep her marriage and relationships alive while breastfeeding?

Unfortunately, little is said about this, how a woman and her husband should behave when a baby appears in the family, but there is a little secret - it is important to maintain the status of a man. This does not mean that you need to please your husband every second. I would even like to give recommendations point by point, as instructions, if you will. So:

1. Do not call your husband "daddy", do not make your husband feel that you are his daughter, and he is your father. Phrases like: "Daddy ate?", "Daddy tired?", "Daddy bored?" withdraw from your vocabulary. You are not his child, and he is not your father, and with children, apart from parental love, there simply cannot be any other love.

2. Do not call yourself "mommy" when addressing your husband, something like: "Mommy is tired", "Mommy wants to eat." Your husband, going to bed with you, should be aware that this is his woman, whom he desires, and she is always sexually desirable for him. And do they sleep with mom? When I say sleep, I am considering sexual relationships, caresses, hugs not of a parent, but of a husband and wife, tenderness between you, kisses of people who love each other.

3. Do not say: "We were waiting for you ... We missed you ... You offended us ... You do not love us", etc. You are separate, the child is separate. You merge yourself with the child. The husband, going to bed with you, feels like he is going to bed with the child. At this moment, sexual relations with you or simply male tenderness are unacceptable for him according to all canons. I want to repeat, this happens only on an unconscious level. It is not analyzed by a man, because it is incomprehensible to him, but in fact he has a feeling of lack of attention, tenderness and your former love.

Women who have already become mothers know how sometimes it can be physically difficult, and how you get tired during the day, and you want your husband's attention and help, but he does not give it or runs away from home in vain. It doesn't matter where: to friends, to work, to parents supposedly to help, and the woman begins to demand, insist, take offense, while the man resists even more.

What to do?

Everyone knows that a woman has a maternal gene, but a man does not. It is formed by the woman herself, learning how to relate to the child: through the praise “you are a wonderful father”, the baby loves to play with you so much; through requests for help "I can't cope without you, I really need your help"; through trusting him, trust your man to carry the baby in his arms, allow him to bathe him, walk with him, do not stand next to the look of disbelief that he does not change the diaper that way, rather praise him for how skillfully he copes with swaddling. And the man will want to match your praise and feel his involvement with the child, there will be no more talk or hints about jealousy. And in an intimate relationship, give the man a play on words, flirt with him, turn on fantasy and he will have the feeling that he is still very much loved and desired. And more importantly - talk! Talk to your husband constantly, the dialogue allows you not to bear grudges, do not keep silent about what bothers you, and talk about it, but not in the form of claims, but in the form of communication, and then your man will have no reason for jealousy at all.

By the way, all this does not mean that you no longer call him dad or he you mom, but only in fact. When a child turns to you and asks where dad is, then you say where dad is, not my husband. Remember, he is a dad only for your child, but not for you, for you he is always a beloved, strong, dear man.

Tell me why now mothers stop breastfeeding their child so early?

Women just don't know how to do this! In modern society, the female art of breastfeeding and the culture of motherhood have been lost. Perhaps, if women gave birth throughout their childbearing lives, this would not have happened: for example, when the eldest daughter grows up, she will be able to watch how the mother feeds the baby; the youngest will gain experience with older sisters or daughters-in-law. Unfortunately, very often a woman who doubts herself, who, in fact, was doing well, begins to listen to incompetent advice and repeats other people's mistakes.

It is advisable to find a good breastfeeding counselor who has had successful experiences himself. Practical training is the necessary technique, the transfer of personal, successful experiences from one mother to another is the basis and guarantee of successful breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is a real gift from nature to humans. This gift brings health to the child and keeps the woman healthy. Breast milk is ideal food for a baby in the first year of life. It is optimal in its composition. Better than any other product based on cow or goat milk, it is suitable for feeding a baby. Proteins, fats, minerals and vitamins are best absorbed by breastfeeding. Special whey proteins form the basis of breast milk. They have a high biological value, are easily digested and absorbed. They contain all the essential amino acids, in particular cystine and taurine, necessary for the full development of the baby. It is especially important that the own proteins of breast milk do not cause allergic reactions and manifestations in the child, which we often see when using artificial formulas based on cow's milk.

Did you experience jealousy while your wife was breastfeeding your newborn baby?

The sight of a woman breastfeeding a baby usually gives a man deep satisfaction. Dr. Hugh Smith, the real 18th century Dr. Spock, advised women to breastfeed their babies (rather than hire a wet nurse). He wrote: “I can say with complete confidence that charming peasant women who are breastfeeding are very attractive to men. I speak from the point of view of a man. A man experiences deep satisfaction when he sees how his beloved woman holds and feeds his offspring. In a generous mind, such a sight awakens thousands of varied and very warm feelings. "

And one of the joys of breastfeeding for a woman is the radiant look of her husband when he first sees the baby attached to the mother's breast.

After a conversation with psychologist Natalya Melekhina and gynecologist Marcel Bejan, I was interested in the opinion of men, and this is what they answered to the question: "Did you feel jealous at the moment when your wife was breastfeeding your newborn child?"

Andrey Mardar - photographer:

“When my wife was breastfeeding, it didn’t make me jealous, and even the process itself gave my wife sexuality.”

Alexander Cheban - lawyer:

“I have a positive attitude towards the breastfeeding process, I did not feel any jealousy. After all, this is my child's diet, which means his health and immunity. "

Ivan Akulov - singer, composer:

“What kind of jealousy can we talk about? The baby is a part of me and my wife, breastfeeding is a magical moment that I have shared with my wife for 2 years. Sometimes I myself had to help, let's say, with the stagnation of the canals, so that my wife would not have mastitis. "

Dmitry Petrenko - manager of a private joint venture:

"No. It doesn't fit in my head. Of course, I had to put up with the fact that the wife devoted the lion's share of the time to the child. "

Prepared by Christina Skripnik

Although breastfeeding is a very intimate process involving only mom and baby, other family members can also do their bit. A nursing woman is very important, and sometimes just necessary, help and support, especially at first. Since all the responsibilities of caring for a baby fall mainly on young parents, the most reliable assistant for a nursing mother will be her own husband. Let's try to understand how a newly-made father can help a young mother in “feeding” matters.

• For a start, it will be great if dad is still a supporter of breastfeeding at the level of an idea. Many modern fathers, along with young mothers, are actively interested in the issues of childcare and upbringing. There are a million opinions and approaches to the “childish” topic, and while studying the information, fathers also strive to delve into, understand and choose the best. If a young mother is determined to breastfeed her baby, it is very important that her husband understands the value of breast milk for the baby, considers hepatitis B the natural and best option for feeding a newborn;
• assumes that the baby receives a breast "for every squeak" and is at the breast for as long as it needs. At first, when lactation is just being established, children can spend several hours at the breast, sleeping with the breast in their mouth. This means that the mother cannot do any other business throughout the entire feeding period. As a result, the wife may simply not have time to cook dinner, tidy up the house, wash the dishes, and put herself in order. Dads need to be understanding about this, because for a young mother, a child and everything connected with it is a priority. As a help, dad can take on some household chores himself, or at least just not grumble that he has to have dinner with semi-finished products;
• Although breastfeeding is not hard physical work, young mothers get tired from sitting or lying in the same position for a long time. And after feeding, as a rule, you need to vilify the baby in a column so that accidentally trapped air comes out, put it on the tummy, cover it with a warm diaper. Dad can take over the responsibility for these procedures, allowing mom to finally relax and get some rest. A nursing mother will definitely appreciate such help;
• Most of all, young mothers suffer from lack of sleep. A nursing mother has to wake up several times a night to feed the baby. Sometimes at night you still need to change the diaper or just vilify the baby on the arms. Without a full night's sleep, of course, it is hard for fathers too, but it is very difficult for an exhausted, sleep-deprived mother to maintain lactation at a normal level, therefore, during the period of establishing GV, all night cares for the baby that are not related to feeding can be performed by the father;
• Stress and negative experiences are serious enemies of lactation, in addition, women who have given birth are always emotionally unstable, sensitive and vulnerable due to hormonal changes. Due to this, At first, it is important for the youngest father to understand what is happening with his wife, and to be more tolerant and loyal to her. Secondly, he needs to become a real protector of his wife and in every possible way protect her from hassle. Often, the appearance of a child exacerbates relations with relatives: some obsessively climb with advice, others literally try to push back the young mother and take all the care of the baby on themselves. If problems of this kind appear, dad needs to make efforts to prevent open conflicts and clarification of the relationship. During this period, the husband himself can contact with all relatives, "conduct peace negotiations" and support the young mother in every possible way. We read on the topic: About and about in women;
• Breastfeeding does not always go smoothly. In addition to natural lactation crises, a nursing mother can overtake lastostasis or a disease, the treatment of which limits the ability to feed the baby with her milk. Any of these problems requires a solution, and therefore time. The husband's help at such moments may consist in giving the mother the opportunity to gradually and without fuss to solve health problems: to go to the shower to massage the breast under a warm stream, to express a portion of milk for feeding before taking the medicine, to lie down at a high temperature. At the same time, dad can play with the baby himself, go for a walk with a stroller ( We recommend that you familiarize yourself with: );
• The moral support of a husband in moments of problems with lactation is simply invaluable. Sometimes young mothers just give up, and it seems that it is better to take a bottle and mix it up. Words of encouragement from loved ones always provide an incentive to keep feeding. In addition to words, the husband can help with deeds: search the Internet for information, find the contacts of a GW consultant;
• Completion of breastfeeding, that is, weaning, is also impossible without the participation of the Pope. It is important not only to support the decision to end breastfeeding, but also to help throughout the entire weaning process. Dads usually have to put the babies to bed themselves, to distract from the breast during the day. Material on the topic: ;
• After giving birth, women are always worried about changing the outlines of their own bodies. Some people deliberately refuse hepatitis B, so as not to spoil the shape of the breast. Sometimes during the nursing period, the breast becomes covered with stretch marks and really changes shape. However, no changes in the body are worth depriving the crumbs of irreplaceable mother's milk. A husband can cheer up his wife well by showing love and concern even after changes in appearance and body. We recommend to nursing mothers: .

Men are deprived of the opportunity to breastfeed, but, as we can see, they can also take part in this process. Breastfeeding is beneficial even for men for many reasons: no need to spend money on formula and bottles; baby's food is always with you - so you can safely travel to different distances. There is no need to talk about the benefits for the baby and the convenience for the mother. It turns out that helping a husband during breastfeeding is an important contribution to the common good.

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