Humorous scenes for elementary school children. Scenario of release in elementary school "Remove the movie

Scene "Whose help is better?"

King.

Alina, Polina, Evelina - King's daughter.

King (daughters). Today I went through our palace and just came to the horror: a full confusion! Books are lying on the floor, shoes - on the windowsill, and clothes - on the beds! And everywhere - candy candy! And so I decided to make a cleaning today. And I want to ask you: how will you help me?

Alina. I'm how I will help. When you start cleaning, I turn on the player and put your favorite plate "Everyone can kings." With this cheerful song you will instantly make cleaning!

Pauline. And I better turn on the TV. There will show the transfer "Visiting a fairy tale." I will watch it carefully and retell you all. And you fabulously quickly remove the entire palace!

King (with a sigh referring to Evelyn). What do you turn on?

Evelina. I turn on the vacuum cleaner. No, first I will shift all things in its place. Then take a broom and let's notify all the garbage. Then I will remove dust with a vacuum cleaner. After that, a damp cloth is a look of window sills and all furniture. And when it becomes clean everywhere, we will all sit together and will watch TV.

King. Well, now I learned that I have only one real assistant!

Scene "At the doctor"

Characters

Before the doctor's office is a student with a briefcase. He is indecisive.

Student.What to do? Go or not go? And suddenly will be expensive? No I'm not going. Yes, and the control? No, you have to go. Was not! (Pulls out a towel from the portfolio, binds to them. Then he knocks on the door.)

Doctor. Yes, yes, sign in!

Student (enters). Can?

Doctor(Something writes, then stops writing, looks at the student). Come in, come in, sit down. What do you complain about?

Student. On very poor well-being.

Doctor. Specifically, what hurts?

Student. Head. Stomach. Ear laid. I don't hear anything and I do not understand anything. Then, this is, dizziness, pressure and heartbeat.

Doctor. The temperature is?

Student.There is, there is! Thirty eight and eight. Or forty four and four. I do not remember.

Doctor. Clear. Do you remember your last name?

Student. No, I do not remember ... I forgot.

Doctor. And the name also forgot?

Student. Yeah. And patronymic. Because the head hurts.

Doctor. And in what class do you study, and at what school - also forgot?

Student. Class ... It seems the sixth "Yu". And the school was completely forgotten.

Doctor. Okay. Open the widdle of the horn and say: "A-A-A".

Student. A-a-algebra.

Doctor. What is "algebra"? Control, what, today?

Student. No, tomorrow. Oh, no, I do not remember.

Doctor. MMM yeah. (Looks at the student over the glasses.) Very difficult case! You can't walk to school. There will be a week two sit at home.

Student (Admitted). At home?

Student. What about English?

Doctor. It is impossible!

Student. And geography?

Doctor. In no case!

Student. And you can go to the cinema?

Doctor. Didn't I say? Be sure! Twice a day - in the morning and after lunch!

Student.Many thanks!

Doctor. On health! Everything. You can go.

Student. Bye. Oh, and help?

Doctor. What a certificate?

Student. Exemption from school. You did not give me!

Doctor. Ah, liberation. No, unfortunately, nothing will happen!

Student. Why?

Doctor. How I will write to you a certificate, if I don't know your name, nor the surname, nor the school in which you study!

Student. Oh, I seem to begin to remember.

Doctor. Well done! How is the surname?

Student. Cotes.

Student. Vasya! That is, Vasily Egorovich.

Doctor. Very good, remember now class, school.

Student. Sixth "B" class, school number twenty five.

Doctor. Now I remember the algebra.

Student. About which algebra?

Doctor. About the same, on which tomorrow is the control. Remembered?

Student. Remembered.

Doctor. Wonderful! See how you quickly recovered! And even no reference is no need! Or do you need? Add to school director number twenty-five?

Student. Not necessary.

Doctor. Then bye. Kotikov Vasily Egorovich. Yes, Chalm is not forget to remove, she does not go to you!

The student removes a towel from his head, leaves.

Scene "Grandmother and Grandchildren"

Characters

Two grandmothers.

First grandmother. Hello, my baby! Let's go for a walk in the park.

Second grandmother. What are you, I still didn't do lessons.

First grandmother. Which lessons?

Second grandmother. Now it is fashionable to do lessons for grandchildren. That I want to try, although it is probably short-tag.

First grandmother. Why is it a shortage? Yes, I do all my life for my grandchildren. If anything - ask me, I have a lot of experience.

Second grandmother. Well, if not difficult, check, as I learned the poem: "At Lukomorya Oak green, the golden chain on the oak volume ..."

First grandmother. So good.

Second grandmother. "... And during the day, and at night the dog is a scientist ..."

First grandmother. What else is the dog?

Second grandmother. Well, I do not know what kind of breed he has, maybe Doberman-Pinscher?

First grandmother. Yes, not a dog, and the cat is a scientist! Understood?

Second grandmother. Ah, I understood, understood! Well, at first I will first start: "At Lukomorye Oak green, a gold chain on the oak, and the day, and at night a scientist's cat ... with a car goes in a grocery."

First grandmother. What awnings? What is a grocery? Tell the poem again.

Second grandmother. Oh, I still have so many lessons! One grandson in the sixth grade, and the other in the first. His teacher asked for a cash desk to bring.

First grandmother. What cash register? From the store, or what? You do not let me in this matter!

Second grandmother. Well, what's the store? Cashier is the alphabet. Okay, I will do it myself, and you help solve the problem.

First grandmother. So ... (takes the textbook, reads) "... Two pipes are connected to the bathroom ..." Remember to solve the task, you need to imagine a good idea what it is said about it. "Two hands are connected with a bath ..." - Did you introduce?

Second grandmother. Yes, yes, introduced.

First grandmother. "... through one water strengthened, through the other is poured." Introduced?

Second grandmother. Presented! (Running.) I presented-ah!

First grandmother. Wait! Where do you run?

Second grandmother. Water pours out! Maybe the whole floor fill.

First grandmother. Calm down. In fact, water is not poured. This is stated only in the task! And now tell me when the bath is filled?

Second grandmother. Night will be filled. They themselves said - the water is not pouring ...

First grandmother. Bye. You will get to the hospital. And I still have no homework: you need to spend the experience of botanic - growing beans.

Second grandmother. Ah, yes, yes, I remember, you took me beans.

First grandmother. Yes, something does not grow this bean! Seen, poor-quality ...

Second grandmother. How low-quality? Well, do people good! You can say, the beans torn off myself - took out of soup.

First grandmother. Wait for the weather, how is the soup? This is me, coming out, grown boiled beans? Thank you, Iced ...

Second grandmother. Well, I did not know why you need beans, do not be offended!

First grandmother. What do you think, if we and continue to learn from you and then, we will study, maybe some estimate will we put?

Second grandmother (whisper). Between us, she was already set.

First grandmother. Yes? And what evaluation?

Second grandmother. "COLE"!

First grandmother. What is such a bad assessment?

Second grandmother. For what we do not do our own business.

First grandmother. Adults are doing everything for the guys, and then surprised: "Oh, they grow up to the Belarusians! .."

Old women go.

Scene "Enchanted Letter"

Characters

Denis. One day Alenka, Bear and I played in the yard. The case was before the New Year. We were brought to the courtyard to us. She lay big, shaggy and so tasty smelled frost, that we stood like fools, and smiled. And suddenly Alenka said:

Alenka. Look, on the Christmas tree, cheeks hang!

Denis. And we rolled and rolled!

bear. Oh, die with laughter! Cheek!

Denis. Well gives: cheeks!

Bear. Five years old girl, and says "Sads". Oh, I can not! Oh, I feel bad! Oh, water! Let the water rather! I'm fainted now! (Falls, laughs.)

Denis. Oh, I even started to go from laughter! IK! IK! Umna, now, probably! Girl for five years already, I will soon marry, and she is cheeks!

Alenka (offended). Did I say that correctly! This is my tooth fell out and whistles. I want to say "Sads", and I have "Sads".

bear. Think! She fell out to the tooth! .. I had three things left and alone rushes, but I still speak correctly. Listen to: Drain! What? True, great? Honey! I can even sing:

Mihka Kosolapoy

In the forest goes

Hallings collect

And in his pocket puts.

Alenka(screaming). A-ah! Wrong! Hooray! You say "Khimychy", and it is necessary - "Savy"!

bear. No, it is necessary - "Hydies"!

Alenka. No, "Savy"!

Bear. No, "Hays"!

Alenka. No, "Savy"! (Opportan.)

Denis.I was so laughing, which was even hungry. I'll go home. Fucks! What are they so arguing, since both are wrong? After all, this is a very simple word. No "cheeks", no "husks", but briefly and clear: "Figy"! That's all.

Based on the materials of the newsrone "Yeralash"

Scene "Parent Help Day"

Characters

Anton. Mum.

Three classmates Anton.

Anton appears on the scene. He erases dust with a rag, sweeps the floor with a brush, dancing at the same time and singing: "My babe, I miss you ...".

Mom is in upper clothes, freezes in place.

Mum.Anton, what happened?

Anton. Nothing happened, Mom. Let me help you undress. (Helps to remove the jacket.)

Mom enters the room, notes that wiped dust.

Mum. You wiped dust? Himself?

Anton. Himself.

Mum.Tell me honestly, Anton, what happened?

Anton. Nothing happened.

Mum. Are they called to school?

Anton. Not...

Mom goes around the room, notes that the floor sweeps.

Mum. Did you run the floor? Himself?! Incredibly ... (applies a hand to the forehead, checking whether she has the heat.)

Anton. Mom, do not worry. I wash the dishes, and did the lessons.

Mum. Made lessons ... I beg you, Anton, tell me, what happened? (Grabs for the heart, sits on the chair.)

Anton. Well, I say you: nothing happened! The doorbell is distributed. Consider three children.

1-y.. Good evening! How was the day helping parents?

2nd. Guck, cleanliness, order. Dust wiped, floor dried up ...

3rd(opens the magazine). Check mark! (Put a tick pencil.)

Anton. Parent assistance day, parents help! Here, look, to what a person brought your day to help parents! (Shows mom.)

Children observe from all sides mom.

1-y. (vigorously). Valerian! Water! (Things drops.) 23, 24, 25! (Gives mom to drink.) To what everyone's nervous moms have! It was necessary to first explain that this is just one day and tomorrow everything will be still!

Scene "PPO kitten who did not know how to read"

Characters

Yasha - kitten.

Once a cat Murka, Yashina Mom, said the kitten:

Murka. It's time for you, Yasha, learn to read.

Yasha. I'll have time!

Murka. Nothing to be lazy. Right now and let's start. Sit down, I will show you the letters.

Yasha reluctantly sits down.

Murka. Let's start with the simplest letter - "O". (Shows the letter "O".)

Yasha. Some kind of circle ...

Murka. Yes, it looks like a circle. This letter is called "O". Repeat!

Yasha.This letter is called "O". And in what words is this letter?

Murka. In many. For example, in the words "Cat" and "Cat". (Shows cards with words written on them.)

Yasha. And in the word "kitten"?

Murka. And in the word "kitten" even two letters "O". Look. (Shows a card with a written word.)

Yasha. See see! Two mugs! And three? Three letters "O" happens in words?

Murka. Sure. There is such a good word - "milk". (Shows the card.)

Yasha. Truth! Whole three mug! And in the word "ice cream" there is this letter?

Murka. There is. And also three. Look. (Shows the card.)

Yasha. Good word! And in two ice cream, it means that six letters "O". And in three ...

Murka. Do not say nonsense! And in general, we do not have arithmetic now! Today everything. Go to walk!

Yasha. What a good letter! And it happens in the best words! And the most delicious!

Yasha is suitable for Shirma, on which the sign hangs with the inscription: "Caution! Angry dog!"

Yasha. What a beautiful sign! And three words are written on it ... And in the first word whole ... times, two, three, four ... wow!

Four letters "O"! Blimey! Probably here something is very tasty or pleasant! ..

The kitten looks behind the screen. From there he heard a deafening bark. Yasha pops up because of the screen, breaks the plate and runs to his mother.

Murka (Seeing the excited Jasha). What's the matter? Why are you so wise and all trembling? What happened?

Yasha. Mom, I walked, I saw a fence, a beautiful sign was hung on the fence), three words were written on it, and in the first word there are four letters "O"! I thought that there should be something very tasty or pleasant ...

Murka. So! I understand everything! That's what happens when you can't read! Do you know what is written on this tablet? "Caution! Angry dog!".

Yasha. Yes, it is written correctly, the dog is really evil ... You know what, mom, let's learn the remaining letters!

Scene "game in words"

Characters

Petya - Son.

Two boys are one older, another shame - go on stage, sit on the chairs. In the hands - pictures and pencils.

Peter. Dad, draw me something.

Dad. No, we will draw in turn and at the same time play in words.

Peter. Like this?

Dad. That's how. We will invent words to some letter and depict these words drawings. Take, for example, the letter "P". I start. (Draws a portfolio, shows.)

Peter.Clear. And I paint ... (draws a locomotive).

Dad. Well done! Locomotive as a real! And I came up with this ... (draws and shows the belt).

Peter. And the belt is impossible! He is not on the letter "P"!

Dad. And this is not a belt, but the belt!

Peter. You have come up with! Then I paint ... (draws and shows the cat).

Dad. And the cat can not, it is not the letter "P"!

Peter. And this is not just a cat, but a gun!

Dad. Oh, you, slyty! Okay. I paint ... (draws and shows a portrait).

Peter. Who is it?

Dad. This is no one. This is just a portrait.

Peter. Great. And I paint ... (draws and shows Uncle).

Dad. Who's that?

Peter. This is no one. It's just passerby.

Dad. Well done! And I draw a parrot. (Draws and shows.)

Peter. Healthy! And I paint penguin. (Draws and shows.)

Dad. Look. (Shows the boy shown in the drawing.)

Peter. Who is this? If the boy is not considered.

Dad. You did not recognize? After all, it is Petya, that is, you!

Peter. Now I found out! And I paint ... (draws and shows Uncle).

Dad. Who is this? If uncle, then it is not considered!

Peter. You did not recognize? This is dad, that is, you!

Dad. Now I found out. And I came up with. (Draws and shows a woman.) This is our mother. I painted it, because she is a teacher and teaches singing.

Peter. Healthy! And I came up with! (Draws and shows the calendar.)

Dad. The calendar? Why?

Dad. Right. And on this day we will prevent her ... (draws a gift and flowers).

Peter. A gift is understandable. And flowers? They are not the letter "P" ...

Dad. So what? All the same mom will be nice!

"Remove the movie ..."

Director: Remove decided I am a movie one!

About UVK number 1!

Director I am very prominent.

And the groom is quite enviable! (pause)

But understand, gentlemen!

One remove - trouble!

Here I am famously saying

"Shot! Stop!"

And I look -

In the frame of anyone and no!

Silence alone in response ...

Well, at first, I will bold actors.

Actress: everything is in the world! Everything literally! You can play.

What do you want? Pupil?

That's the desk I sit ...

Maybe her sister?

The image is similar, I will say.

Director: So, play me fatigue.

Do not press me on pity.

So, play surprise.

Very accurate solution.

Actress: To win everything,

You need to give text to give!

Director: By the way, for sure! After all, the script

I will write myself hardly.

Actress: You need a bold screenwriter!

Director: Let it be an optimist.

Writer: Here the movie decided to remove?

What do I need to write?

Director: That's luck!

Could you write to us about school?

Writer: How many text do you want - five sheets?

Actress: Write ten.

Director: Just need to be exactly from the soul script went.

Writer: Clear this; After all, I personally went to school recently ... (sits down to write)

Director: You write! And you - play!

Well, you take away!

Stop, where are you? For sure ... for sure!

The operator is needed urgently!

"Camera! Motor!" - I will say ... ..

Operator: I will serve you.

Writer - My honor.

You are wonderful without a doubt! (kisses the actress handle)

Director: I am without you, well, how without hands!

Operator: Your hands here like here!

Here is my wonderful tool. (shows proudly camera)

Only there is one point -

Here without this here is a miracle

No nobody shot!

Director: Camera here appeared

Immediately the scene revived!

Actress: Immediately want to play.

Director: I want to shoot a movie. (Everything darkens)

Scenario: Stand! Text will not see.

So I will not tell you words.

Director: Give Light Someone! (pause)

Light the art path !!!

Illuminator: Well, answer me honestly?

In the dark to shoot appropriate?

Did the movie see

To all dark-dark! (light turns on)

So better ... you without light

It will not be possible to remove the plot.

Director: Well, of course - Illuminator!

He is the searchlight warriol!

Operator: Will you help with a movie?

Actress: That in which it is not dark?

Writer: What is in which a lot of light?

Illuminator: Light - good sign.

Do you need a light in the movie? (all nod)

For him I carry the answer. (all applaud)

Director: Here is a script. Here is the motor.

Illuminator. Producer.

There is an actress - the highest class!

Can we start now? (Everything is friendly - "Yes!")

Grimer: so. You start early!

Pallor need to be removed.

Stand all in one row.

It will be finally order.

Director: And who are you actually?

Operator: Will you not have the honor?!

Actress: Tell me about yourself.

Illuminator: enlighten your work.

Grimor: for solidity - mustache. (draws the director of the mustache)

You for beauty - beads. (hangs on the actress beads)

You need eyebrows! (draws an eyebrow script)

Are you not tired from the road?

You yourself are good. (operator)

Although on the camera write ... (laughs)

Well, I will help you - (illuminator)

History along the lips of the arc.

Director: Are you Grimor? So understand?

Grimor: Your idea I argue. (nods)

Director: I propose to start!

Film about school create! (Grimor quickly powdered actress, there is a lively scene)

Assistant: Stand! You forgotten it! (High and proudly raises the cobcakers)

No movie slappers!

Director: "Motor!" said

The operator of the Rakurs took;

Writer two words inserted!

The makeup is imposed, there is a suit.

The type of actress is not sullen.

Well, what about the sound of a flap

What makes the ears please?

Director: Now we can start to start.

School in this will help us!

Actress: When the school has a birthday!

Writer: Create a gift - there is a striving!

Operator: About school so much can be removed !!!

Grimor: For this Oscar to receive ..

Director: We love our very school!

Together: And film to take about this is We will

And various holidays, in addition to the numbers of artistic amateur activities, which vividly manifests the vocal and dance talents of classmates, merry stages, theatrical presentations and scenes are especially popular.

We offer script comic school Scenes "Honored Assessment", written on the reasons of the story of Konstantin Melichan (thanks to the author!). Such a scene can be shown at any holiday: the day of knowledge, the day of the teacher, March 8 or prom.

Characters:

Mary Ivanovna teacher (name can be any)

Pupils (Guys better call their own names, in this scenario, the names are conditional. They may be greater, or less)

School Scene Scenario

Maria Ivanovna: Denis, where is the hijachari winter?

Denis: They roame under the snow.

Maria Ivanovna: Interesting observation. Lera, what do you know about crabs?

Lera: Crabs ... (waiting for tips) These are such fish ... Similar to crayfish!

Maria Ivanovna: Sit down! Julia, what class does a crushes spider belong to?

Julia: To the class of cruciferous!

Maria Ivanovna: And our Julia has all the flowers on the mind! Where do hamsters live? Kirill!

Kirill: In the pet store!

Maria Ivanovna: What are you saying?!!!

Includes horns

Maria Ivanovna: Well, and why are you late for this time?

Rogov: I accidentally fell in a puddle, I returned home to change clothes, and at the same time ... and there was someway.

Maria Ivanovna: And how was it? Sit down, you are my grief! Well, since we all gathered, listen ... Rogova! Taught?

Rogov: Taught.

Maria Ivanovna: Start!

Rogov: Aloud?

Maria Ivanovna (Grozno): Rogs!

Rogov: You have a wonderful smile!

Maria Ivanovna (conciliatory): Well, well, horns, tell.

Rogov: Hairstyle you are always so neat! Not what I have.

Maria Ivanovna (confused): Thank you.

Rogov: Bluffs you have beautiful, to your face.

Maria Ivanovna: I understand correctly, you did not learn lesson?

Rogov: Blame, did not learn. I don't hide anything from you ... Of course, with such a job experience! You, Mary Bath, how much already at school with such as me, suffer?

Maria Ivanovna: Oh, horns, horns! Tell me, where to fly the bird for the winter?

Rogov: There!

Maria Ivanovna: Well, sit down. Troika!

(Refers to the class): Well, since the horns with us would distinguish so, I will ask everyone. Now you will spend a blitz poll with you. Anya, what benefits do ants bring?

Anya: The ants protect fruits from the caterpillars, and the people then collect them and can be preserved.

Maria Ivanovna: Who knows why some birds fly south?

Fedya: And some, probably too lazy!

Maria Ivanovna: Watch, our Fedor woke up! Where do whales live? Well!

Choir: In China!

Maria Ivanovna: Well, you have today in impact: the further, the more interesting! How do pigeons breed? Rogs!

Rogov: Pigeons postpone the testicles, and then dumplings get out of them.

Maria Ivanovna: Well, that not the cabbage rolls! Sit down, dove ... Julia, what are the reserves?

Julia: Reserves are places where animals rest from people.

Maria Ivanovna (passing by class): Is it really? And I did not know! Where would I find a reserve for teachers? Kirill, what do you know the bones of the skull?

Kirill (waking up): Windy, dark and poddle cars!

Maria Ivanovna considers a note selected from girls.

Rogov (says to Fedor - Special Patch): There is no secret: hang this kimikore noodles on the ears about the eyes yes blouse, she will relax!

Fedya: Quieter you will hear!

Rogov: Nonsense! Not drifting, she will not hear for two meters and Ramstein!

Maria Ivanovna (sires): Now listen to Rogov.

Rogov: You already asked me ...

Maria Ivanovna: And I ask you on the old topic. Tell us about ...

Rogov: You have a wonderful smile ...

Maria Ivanovna: What else?

Maria Ivanovna: Closer to the topic!

Rogov: Figure you like a top model!

Maria Ivanovna (doubt examining his figure): So you, it means you don't know anything!

Rogov: You are just like Messing, you see everyone, you know everything! And what did you go to school? The nervous system is yours because of those like me, spoil. Tomorrow is a holiday: you would go to the spa, and you warm your health here! And even better - to the sea, poems read, a good man to meet!

Maria Ivanovna: Well, sit down, horns. Troika...

At entertainment events, in educational institutions, Funny scenes for schoolchildren most like the audience. The need to put such scenes may arise at school KVN, a class hour or competitions for the showrooms of artistic amateur activities. What about whom to talk in scripts for schoolchildren? Of course, about exactly the same students, duals, honors, teachers, class teachers.

Surely schoolchildren will be interested in putting a couple of such scenes. After all, it is very easy to play yourself.

Scenario of a funny scene about schoolchildren "Two"

This scene contains an instructive plot for schoolchildren about the importance of homework. In a funny production, several students of junior or middle classes participate. They perform the following roles: Kolya Pethekin - Dweller and Hooligan, Sasha Gavrilov - his open friend, Vitya Melnikov - a round excellent student, two girls-schoolgirls.

Props for Scenes: school desk with chairs, wooden board, large buttons.

So, on the stage there is a party. Two girls run away. For them popping up the pursuing Kolya Pethekin with a plastic tube in his hands.

Girl 1 (screaming):
Stop Pleetkin!

Girl 2:
PETECHKIN, stop! To whom they say!

They are trying to hide from Pethekin at the desk.

PETECHKIN (selflessly spits pieces through the tube):
And I will spit! And I will spit! La-Lyal! How fun me!

Girl 1:
We need to be informatics, and not to dissolve.

Girl 2:
And then you, Kolya, today in the lesson, computer science will ask, and you will get a twice!

(Both schoolgirls run away.)

PETECHKIN (stops to spit):
Informatics? That's right, the teacher promised to call me ... what to do? A, I will try to resort to the help of a friend! (Calls.) Sasha! Gavrilov!

(Leaves Sasha Gavrilov.)

Gavrilov:
What do you, Kolya?

PETECHKIN:
I need to write a computer science with someone. Maybe you will help your friend?

Gavrilov:
I would be glad to help you, but you understand what is a secret: I did not do it myself.

PETECHKIN:
Eh, problem! How to be something, eh?

Gavrilov:
Do you know what?

PETECHKIN:
What?

Gavrilov:
You have a Melnikov.

PETECHKIN:
He will not give.

Gavrilov:
And you somehow sharpen ...

(Appears Vitya Melnikov with a notebook. He has an exemplary appearance, he wears glasses.)

PETECHKIN:
ABOUT! Melnikov! (Echidific.) Excellent!

Melnikov:
Kolya Pethekin, Dweller and Walk! Gerasim, why are you drowned muh?

PETECHKIN:
I'm not Gerasim, I am Nikolai.

Melnikov (with an expression sings on the motive of the melody from the film "Great Father"):
Why did Gerasim drowned his mu-mu? She lay, did not interfere with anyone! (Proudly leaves.)

PETECHKIN (after the departed Melnikov):
Oh, you, Did you tease? Well, here I am a teach. You will write to me and computer science, and all my life ...

Gavrilov (rubbing hands):
Will it work for medicines?

PETECHKIN:
Not! I will be afraid! (Takes out a slice of wide wooden board.) This board will help me to deceive him. Only you, Sanya, I have to help in this business.

Gavrilov:
Well, what should I do?

PETECHKIN:
Confirm all I will talk. (Sticks the board under the sweater, presses to the chest. Screams for the scenes.) Hey, Melnikov! Go here! Melnikov! I'm telling you! Come for a minute.

(Comes out Vitya Melnikov.)

Melnikov (proud):
What do you need, Pethekin?

PETECHKIN:
That's what, Victor, I have a business for you.

Melnikov:
What do you have to do with me?

PETECHKIN:
The most friendly. Recycling, eh? Do not give a man to the abyss. Let me write off computer science.

Melnikov:
A-A-A, here you are talking about. Do not even hope.

PETECHKIN (solemn bass):
Victor, then get ready for death! No I do not Kolya Pethekin, and I know who? Do you know? I am a terminator!

Melnikov (dismissively):
What? You completely went crazy, yes?

PETECHKIN (Patus):
Not. I just came from the future, out of 2069. And I came with Miss ...

Melnikov:
What Miss?

PETECHKIN (whisper):
Not with Miss, but with a mission. (Kolya straightened and calmly continues.) Yes, I came with the mission.

Melnikov (Pugty):
What?

PETECHKIN:
I have to destroy you, as you know the computer science well. And after many years you will be so good to know her that you will write a computer virus that will destroy all computers on the planet ...

Melnikov (Starting from fear):
But I do not know how to write viruses ...

PETECHKIN:
Teach in the future. And no one can cope with him, because you will program high artificial intelligence to him. And no one can solve the algorithm of his actions, because you do not give off anyone. Therefore, no one can fight with him.

In general, "Asta La Vista, Baby"!

(Pretends that he throws the trigger from the machine, and accepts a militant pose.)

Melnikov (Running):
Oh, do not! Meach me. I have a mom and a little brother ...

PETECHKIN (Grozno):
To spare

Gavrilov (questioning):
Maybe we will spare?

Melnikov:
And I want to ask, what feelings do you feel, feeling yourself by the terminator?

PETECHKIN:
Power and power in the whole body. (Offers.) Here's hitting me in the chest ...

Melnikov (strikes the board hidden under the sweater):
Oh! (Curved pain.) You like a bulletproof! And why do you have bad assessment on physical culture?

PETECHKIN:
I pretend.

Melnikov:
Well, do you see how, somehow different?

PETECHKIN:
I see perfectly, and in the dark too. Here ask me any question.

Melnikov:
Well, let's say ... (thinks.) How are you?

PETECHKIN (pretended, shakes his head):
And before my eyes, as in the monitor of an invisible computer, several options for answers appear. The first option is "Fool himself", the second (reads a dishwasher) - "How are you, how are you, I shaved the egg!" Third - "Not your mind is a matter."

Melnikov:
And what will you choose?

PETECHKIN (solemnly):
Fool himself!

Melnikov (offended):
PETECHKIN, are you for what I called me?

PETECHKIN:
And this in the future you call me a fool, so I already answered you. That is what I am invulnerable.

Gavrilov:
So you, Melnikov, give you to write off? And then the terminator will destroy you.

Pethekin (fierce):
"Asta La Vista, Baby!"

Melnikov:
Do not, do not go away! I will give you computer science.

Gavrilov:
And mathematics. These science are interrelated ...

PETECHKIN:
O-Kay?

Melnikov (gives honor):
So exactly, Comrade Terminator.

(Pethekin waves his fists in front of Melnikov's nose, demonstrating her muscles. Girls appear behind their backs. They put on the button of the button.)

Girl 1 (Spectators):
Pethenkin pieces spoiled. So we will revenge him.

Girl 2:
Here we will teach it! Let's leave the buttons on the chair. Let him sit! (Both girls run away.)

PETECHKIN:
Now I'm how to sit on the chair! (Plunges on the chair, immediately jumps and yells.) Ah!

Girls:
Haha! So you need, little chocolate! (Run away).

Melnikov:
So you are not iron? (Takes away from if, because of the sinuses board.) Oh, here you are like! I will not write off! Himself must do lessons! (Goes out.)

Gavrilov:
Eh, Kolka, we'll have to do the next time the homework itself.

Funny Scene for Schoolchildren "On Classroom"

Class hour - perfect place Setting this funny scene for schoolchildren. Moreover, the class teacher can personally participate in it, but his role can play any schoolboy.

Active persons on the scenario: Class Manager (CR); Alekseeva and Fedotova - glamorous blondes, schoolgirls-laughter; Semenov - a typical excellent student, bore; Nikitin and Vovan - blunt schoolchildren hooligans; Samoilova - Skalebannaya, with a candy on a stick, eternally late fellow student.

Scene begins. The classroom comes to the class.

Cr:
So, so come in. (All except self-sized.) What, and that's all?

Alekseeva:
Yes, you, no, of course! (Samoilova comes.) Now, now everything!

Cr:
And this is from all class? Where else are 18 people? Can anyone explain where everything is?

Semenov:
Well, if you take into account the address of each, walking speed, relief and force majeure circumstances, then 47% already at home, and another 53% on the road.

Cr:
Yes, this and the physius is clear that they left, the question is why they left?

Semenov:
Well, if you take into account the nature of the majority, the number of lessons today and force majeure circumstances, then 100% scored on a class hour.

Cr:
Okay, Semenov, Alekseeva, Fedotov - this is understandable, decent students, and you have come Nikitin? And a friend led to him.

Semenov:
Well, if you consider ...

Cr:
Semenov, silent!

Semenov:
No, I just wanted to say that in no case ...

Cr:
So, Semenov, here's a book, read, outline. So, nikitin, what fate are you here?

Nikitin:
And with Wovov, I just cut the light, you will not play the computer, you will not see the telly, here we are from idleness and came.

Vova:
And I really are very interesting to cool problems.

Cr:
Well, Nikitin, you are seriously unlucky that you have cut your light! Tell me, why, are you on Thursday in the toilet fire extinguisher checked?

Nikitin:
So, we were told that when Ignorant, we need to immediately extinguish with a fire extinguisher.

Vova:
Yes, it is necessary to stew.

Cr:
So where did you think that something burns?!

Nikitin:
Well, the smoke smelled.

Vova:
Yes, smelled.

KR (shouting):
As if you do not know how smoke I smell in the toilet!

Nikitin:
Are you talking about it? No, if someone wanted to do it, I called me.

Vova:
Yes, he would call him.

Kr (waiting):
All clear. To you, Vova, I have no complaints, only a question for Nikitin, and what does on our class hour Schoolboy from another class of another school?

Nikitin:
And, I said, we got out the light, and Vovan also had nothing to do, so I took it to have fun, my friends need to help.

Cr:
To entertain! Well, the disciples went. Now to the other others. Samoilova, not bad. There is no bobbies, there is no triple, four too ... there are no estimates! Samoilova, when you start to go to school. What are you sick this time?

Samoilova:
I am in the encyclopedia of diseases to the letter "g" reached. I have a headache.

Cr:
I would say that you have inflammation of tricks, but this is how Nikitin says, Bayan!

(Class applauds.)

Fedotova:
You still "IMHO" and prevented a bear "to learn and everything will be in the shock.

Semenov:
I read, I did not know, and you know, I think that considering ...

Cr:
Do not take anything to take into account, we must generally try to learn less, answer, give the floor to other students ...

Semenov:
Yes, but this is from one point of view, here psychology says that ...

Cr:
There is only one way out. On the seeds another little book, read, outlines.
So, let's quickly, we have only 15 minutes before seeds read, you need to hurry.
Alekseeva and Fedotov also received complaints! You are talking at every lesson!

Alekseeva:
Yes, we are just on the topic.

Fedotova:
Yes, of course on the topic. (Giggle.)

Cr:
And laugh at the lessons.

Alekseeva:
Yes you!

Fedotova:
In no case (giggle.)

Cr:
Draw in notebook!

Alekseeva:
Well, if only this drawing notebook (and both are broken by laugh. All perplexed look, like "what to laugh?")

Cr:
(Passing, showing that it is time for them to stop) actually in the notebook in chemistry.

Alek:
(Scratching the head, thinking that it is to lie.) So these are drawings.

Fedotova:
Yes, okay, what's there to be, the chemist is such a dream, he allows us. (Laugh again.)

Cr:
Okay, there is little time left, seeds are already reading, so tell me who will do the wall newspaper?

(Silence.)

Cr:
I think Nikitin with my friend.

Nikitin:
And why are we?

Cr:
Well, so you have cut the light, here you have nothing to do.

Vova:
And I generally from another school.

Cr:
Never mind. You yourself said that you are interested in cool problems. Besides, friends need to help. Watman in the closet. I will go, and Semenov soothe yourself.

To prepare these funny scenes for schoolchildren, you will not need a lot of time. The words learn very easily, and somewhere can even improvise. By the way, such humorous scenes are well suited for summer camp. Before the selection you can have fun and recall your studies at school.

Miniatures pro school life

Kornev Svetlana Vladimirovna teacher

Russian language lesson

Teacher: Hello, children! Sit down! Let's listen to how you learned your homework. Who will be answered first, he will receive on the score above.
StudentVashechkin (pulls his hand and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I will be the first, put me at once!

Like Lovochka - Hello, you can go!

The teacher asks Vovochka: - Why are you late?
- On the way to school, the gangsters attacked me and robbed!
- And what did they take you? - Notebook with homework!

Teacher: Ivanov, what kind of word "egg"?

Ivanov: still no.

Teacher: Why ??

Ivanov: But it is unknown who get out of the egg - a rooster or chicken!

Teacher: Catchkin, admit, who wrote to you an essay?

I do not know. I went to sleep sooner soon.

Little Johnny, why do you write so small?

So that mistakes are not as noticeable, Mary Ivanna.

Catchkin, why are you "2" on "5" corrected?

- Mary Ivanna, you yourself said who wants - can fix ...

Teacher : Vashechkin, come up with a proposal with numeral "three".

Pupil Vashechkin : My mom works on a knitted factory.

Teacher: Why, Chizhikov, the lessons always make a father for you?

And mom has no free time!

Teacher : Petrov, go to the blackboard, write off the proposal.Petrov's student goes to the board .

Teacher dictation : Guys catching butterfliessaccia .

Pupil Petrov writes : Guys catching butterflieswith glasses .

Teacher : Petrov, why are you so inattentive?

Pupil Petrov : What?

Teacher : Where did you see the glasses of butterflies?

Teacher : Kosichkina, what part of speech is the word "dryish"?

Kosichkina, ending, long silent .

Teacher : Well, think, Kosichkina, what question does this word answer?

Pupil Kosichkin : How did the city? Dryish!

Teacher : Antonyms are words opposite to their meaning. For example, fat - thin, cry - laugh, day - night. Ivanov, bring you now your example.

Pupil Ivanov : Cat dog.

Teacher : And here "Cat is a dog"?

Pupil Ivanov : Well, how? They are opposite and often fighting among themselves.

Teacher : Who guys may come up with a proposal with homogeneous members?

Pupilian Chizhikov pulls her hand . Teacher : Please, Chizhikov.

Pupil of Chizhikov : There were no trees in the forest, no bushes, no grass.

Teacher: Catchkin, come up with a proposal with the appeal.

Catchkin: Mary Ivanna, Call!

Math lesson

The teacher says Petrov:

Little Johnny, you promised to fix the twice in mathematics!

Yes, Marya Ivanna.

You did not fulfill your promise! And I promised you to call your parents if the two will not be corrected!

Yes, Marya Ivanna. But since I did not fulfill my promise, you can also do your own!

Teacher: Chizhikova, if you have ten rubles, and you ask your brother ten more rubles, how much money do you have?

Ten rubles will remain.

Teacher : Chizhikova, yes you just do not know mathematics!

- No, you do not know my brother!

Teacher: Vameshkin, carry a diary here. I put your yesterday's twice in it.
Pupil Vashekin: I do not have it.

Teacher: And where is he?
Pupil Vashekin: And I gave him to Vitka - parents to scare!

Teacher - Kosichkina, who is the Archimeda?

Well, it's like him there ... Mathematical Greek.

Teacher: Go to the board ... Vanya Ivanov.Ivanov goes to the blackboard.

Teacher: Let's solve the task. Dad today bought 1 kilogram of candy, and mom is 2 kilograms. How many sweets bought parents?

Ivanov runs out of class.

Teacher: Vanya, where are you?

Ivanov: There is a candy!

U:Petrov, answer: four divided by two - how much will it be?

P:And what to divide, Marya Ivanna?

U:Well, Delhi, for example, apples.

P:Apples? And between whom and who?

U:Suppose between you and Vashekin.

P:Three - I, Vashechkin - One!

U:Why so?

P:Because Marya Ivanna that Vashekin owed me one apple.

U:Hmm ... And he, by chance, shouldn't you?

P:No, carrot - no.

U:Wonderful. Then Delhi. How much will be: four carrots divided into two?

P:Four! And let all Vaschekin takes away.

U:How is it "four"? Why?

P:Yes, I do not like carrot, Marya Ivanna.

U:Again did not hit!

P:So how much is right?

U:And the correct answer, Petrov, I'll put it in the diary now!

Lesson of the surrounding world

Teacher: Who can name five wild animals?

Petrov's student pulls his hand.

Teacher: Answer, Petrov.

Petrov's student: Tiger, tigress and ... Three Tiger.

Teacher: What is the dense forests? Answer, Kosichka!

These are such forests in which ... good to darish.

Teacher: Ivanov, answer us, please, what benefit is the bird and animals bring?

Pupil of Ivanov: Birds beat mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.

Teacher: Petrov, what book about famous travelers did you read?

Pages of Petukhov: "Frog-traveler"

Pupil Vashekin pulls her hand. Teacher: What do you, hares? Do you want to ask something?

Pupil Vashekin: Mary Ivanna, is it true that people from the monkey occurred?

Teacher: Truth.

Pupil Vashechkin: That's something I look: the monkeys have become so little!

Teacher: Catchkin, answer, please, what is the lifespan of the mouse?

Catchkin's student: Well, Mary Ivanna, it is entirely dependent on the cat.

Teacher: go to the board ... Ivanov will tell us about the crocodile.

Pupil of Ivanov (going to the board): The length of the crocodile from the head to the tail - five meters, and from the tail to the head - seven meters.

Teacher: Think what you say! Is it possible?

Pupil Ivanov: It happens! For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and on the environment until Monday - five!Teacher: Yes, uzhzhzhzh!

Teacher: Ivankova, answer, for what people need people nervous system?

Student Ivankova: To be nervous.

Teacher: Why are you, Kosichkina, look at the clock every minute?

Pupilian Kosichkina: Because I'm terribly worried, no matter how the call did not interrupt our interesting lesson.

Teacher: Petrov, what teeth appear in the last one?

Pupil Petrov: plug-in, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Ivanov, why do you eat apples in the lesson? Pupil of Ivanov: It is a pity to waste time on the change!
Teacher: Stop now! By the way, why wasn't you in school yesterday?
Pupil of Ivanov: My older brother fell ill.
Teacher: And what are you with what? Pupil of Ivanov: And I rode on his great!
Teacher: Ivanov! My patience burst! Tomorrow without a father to school do not come!
Pupil of Ivanov: and the day after tomorrow?

English lesson - Petrov,do you speak English? Petrov: - FAQ?
Lecturer: - Oh, Petrov, sit down, two. Vashechkin,do you speak English? Vashechkin: - FAQ?
Lecturer: - And Vashekin gets two, sit down. Vanya Ivanov,do you speak English?
Ivanov: - Her, May Ticha, Ai Em Veri Gud Speake Inglish.
Lecturer: - Waway ???