Loves does not look into the eyes. Why do people look away when they talk

The eyes are not capable of lying, since they connect the human soul with the outside world. It is generally accepted that if a person does not look into the eyes during a conversation, then he is sure to deceive.

As popular as this opinion is, it is erroneous. Psychologists have identified the reasons and situations due to which the opponent does not look into the eyes when communicating.

This is one of those factors that is based on scientific statements. Shy people often hide their feelings, so they cannot look directly in the eyes, because a look can tell everything. The deepest feelings and sensations will be read in it, be it love or hatred. Most shy people are closed, and therefore they do not want to be revealed.

Often, one glance can provide a huge amount of information about the interlocutor. A couple of minutes of eye contact is much more than hours of simple conversation. Due to the overabundance of information, people simply have to look away for a while.

Excessive eye contact makes a person anxious and contributes to the appearance of irritation. After all, it seems as if the interlocutor is striving to find out everything that is inside. And almost no one will like it.

Internal discomfort is not hard to see. Signs of this may be touching the ears, nose during a conversation, and fingering hair. It is for this reason that the interlocutor will not make eye contact.

Maintaining eye contact with a person who literally penetrates through his interlocutor, at the very least, delivers psychological discomfort.

Lack of interest is not always manifested in glancing at the clock and yawning. The lack of interest of the interlocutor can also be expressed in the absence of eye contact.

Many people find it easier to formulate a thought and imagine a certain situation just by immersing themselves a little. Such people simply need to create a picture in their heads for better perception, and it is simply impossible to do this while maintaining contact with an opponent.

For more productive communication, you should learn to keep your gaze as long as possible. The ability to maintain eye contact will help not only in informal, but also in business relationships.

If a person does not look into the eyes during a conversation: the opinion of a psychologist

In the course of the conducted reflections, psychologists noted that the vast majority of people do not resort to eye contact during a conversation. Eye-to-eye gaze is most common among couples in love. In ordinary communication, people very rarely look into each other's eyes.

Also, in the process of observations, it was found that leaders who are distinguished by the effectiveness of leadership over people, when talking with their employees, look them in the eyes.

Everyone knows the need to look the other person in the eye, but not everyone is comfortable doing this. Even if a person tries to maintain eye contact, he becomes uncomfortable and begins to feel a kind of embarrassment, because he is not used to it.

In many countries, eye-to-eye gaze is referred to as an expression of disrespect, which is why women in such states, predominantly Muslim, do not look up at a man when talking to him.

It is widely believed that to create the effect of eye contact, you need to look at the bridge of the nose of your interlocutor. But it is wrong, since heightened attention can cause the opponent's neurosis.

Understanding the reason why a person does not look in the eyes when talking can also help with body language. To tell that a person has become bored and no longer wants to have a conversation, his gaze directed from the top to the right will help. And his dilated pupils will tell about the opponent's interest in the conversation.

Some tips to help you keep eye contact

• Try to look at your opponent with a soft and relaxed gaze, touching large area falling into the field of view. The main thing is not to lose this contact and stay calm.
• A gaze can cause a harsh expression on your face, so watch your facial expressions. She should not be focused, on the contrary, benevolence and gentleness will not only relax you, but also win over your opponent. To achieve this effect, you can mentally imagine that you are holding this person over the shoulder. This will add more warmth and softness to your eyes.
• The main problem standing in the way of making eye contact is self-doubt. This insecurity breeds nervousness. It is necessary to overcome this line and understand that looking into the eyes only establishes contact with a person.
• Try to study the facial expressions and position of the interlocutor. You can try to "mirror" it. This will help overcome the interpersonal barrier and win over your opponent.

If a person does not make eye contact when talking, do not rush to draw erroneous conclusions. Perhaps you should take a closer look at the interlocutor and understand the reason for the lack of eye contact on his part.

When a person does not look into the eyes during communication, there is often a feeling of understatement, as if he is hiding something. And usually this intuitive feeling is not deceiving.

When a teenager doesn't look you in the eye

When it comes to children, especially adolescence- this situation often arises. Parents begin to notice that their daughter or son avoids direct gaze when talking, taking their eyes to the side or lowering them "to the floor." When asked directly, children respond that they are uncomfortable looking in the eyes. Why it happens?

Usually, this behavior is preceded by some event, especially if the child previously looked calmly into the eyes, and then suddenly began to suddenly feel awkward with visual contact. Think about what it could be.

Specifically in such a phenomenon there may be many separate reasons or their whole complex.

During this period of time, adolescents have their first falls in love, their bodies change, “hormones play” - as if the whole world is changing around, and they do not know how to hide it and how to adapt themselves to numerous changes. It is important to give time to come to his senses - by the age of 16-17, the child adapts to his new state and learns to communicate adequately.

When an adult doesn't look you in the eye

When an adult avoids looking into the eyes - either he does not want to see something in you, or he does not want to show something in himself, he is uncomfortable, because a huge flow of information is going through his eyes.

Maybe at this moment he experiences emotions that he does not want to share with you for some reason. For example, he may be angry with you or jealous of you.

No wonder they say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul, sometimes they can tell the observer more than their owner would like.

When talking with a friend or girlfriend, averting his eyes to the side, a person may try to maintain his personal boundaries, he is uncomfortable to open up completely. At some moments, he may feel emotions that he would like to restrain and, avoiding a direct glance, he tries to do it.

Attempts to put accents on the face (glasses, beard, long bangs, a low cap pulled down) is also a way to divert attention from direct visual contact, the preference to remain more autonomous, solitary, protected.

What if a person does not make eye contact?

Do not support him in this game, do not look away in response, behave as always. Do not press on him, he is uncomfortable. Most likely, something in your behavior triggers an attempt to fence off - perhaps you are asking unwanted questions that can be unpleasant, too formal and intrusive for the interlocutor. Switch your attention to yourself, learn to talk about your thoughts and feelings.

Other reasons a person avoids eye contact

Other reasons overlap in one way or another with the above:

Feeling insecure

When communicating, a person behaves nervously - he touches something, constantly touches his hair, experiences emotional excitement. Usually he does not look you in the eye because he does not know if he is behaving correctly in this situation.

- Shyness

An attempt to hide their feelings is characteristic of shy people, so a person does not look in the eyes.

- Irritation

Prolonged eye contact often causes irritation - the interlocutor begins to think that you are trying to unravel all his secrets,

- Piercing gaze

The owner of a heavy gaze is unpleasant to look into the eyes, as this causes discomfort

- Not interested

Sometimes avoiding eye contact means that the other person is simply not interested. This can be confirmed by yawning, frequent glancing at the clock, the invention of excuses to stop communication.

- A lot of information at once

A glance conveys a lot of information about another person, in order to assimilate it, you need to avert your eyes for a while.

Women often ask themselves about the unwillingness of men to look them in the eye. This behavior is frustrating and insecure about your female attractiveness. The guy who hides his eyes is especially puzzling if the girl feels that she is not indifferent to him. But she also understands that she can wishful thinking and make mistakes about a man's love. To understand his feelings, she needs additional guidance and concrete confirmation.

Psychology of the male gaze

Most people do not like eye contact during a conversation, and the strong half of the population is no exception. In normal communication, people do not look intently into the eyes, making do with fleeting glances. Couples in love and people who do not hide their sexual interest are prone to long and lasting contact.

Everyone understands the importance of eye contact, but many feel uncomfortable and avert their eyes to the side, experiencing a feeling similar to embarrassment. In addition, direct gaze can be easily confused with aggressiveness, and people do not want to be thought of as shameless and too persistent individuals.

Often a person does not want to look the interlocutor in the eye, because he does not want to be read like an open book.

Psychology male gaze not much different from the general one. But besides the well-known facts, the stronger sex does not want to show some women their feelings. Having looked a guy in the eyes, the girl will see interest and desire in them, and the man is not ready for her to find out about his sympathy, since so far he has nothing to offer her.

A man in love looks away for the following reasons:

1. 1. Does not want the girl to think that she is only interested in him sexually.
2. 2. Afraid to see indifference in the eyes of her beloved.
3. 3. He wants to confess his love, but does not dare to do so yet.

Many girls mistakenly believe that if a guy looks away, then he is insincere or wants to cheat. Psychologists disagree with this opinion, and consider the reluctance to make eye contact quite natural and advise not to cheat yourself.

How to stop blushing

Reasons for not wanting eye contact

Eyes are incapable of lying - everyone knows that. They connect a person with the world around him and reflect his state of mind. Many do not want to reveal their souls even to close people, let alone unfamiliar people. Those who have something to hide do not like to look in the eyes, for example:

• treason;
• Lying;
• the desire to part forever;
• your bad mood;
• mental pain.

If on a date a man looks away, and he was the initiator of the meeting, the guy is just shy and shy in the presence of the girl. He fears that she will see the sparkle and desire in his eyes ahead of time and consider them for lust, therefore he hides them from his interlocutor.

If the relationship has not reached a more intimate level, the man looks away for the following reasons:

Blinking his eyes when talking to a woman, he feels confused and has no further plan of action. When he looks to the left and then to the right (or vice versa), he is confused and tries to find at least some words. A man, when he meets his eyes, is embarrassed if a woman is just a friend to him.

Additional gestures

The gestures and postures accompanying the communication will help to understand the feelings and desires of a man. How he stands and where his hands are at this moment are additional non-verbal signals that help to understand the feelings of the man he likes. For example, he does not look the other person in the eyes and performs additional actions:

• pulls some object in his hands;
• touches the earlobe;
• touches the nose;
• runs his hand through his hair.

If at this moment you take his hand, the situation will clear up. The guy will calm down and it will become clear that this is an extreme degree of embarrassment for a man in love. A relaxed posture and arms crossed on the chest indicate disinterest and unwillingness to make contact. Hands in his pockets and a look somewhere in the distance indicate boredom or anxiety about his affairs, which he urgently needs to do.

Why doesn't a person look in the eyes? There is a widespread belief that he is telling a lie and deliberately hiding his gaze so as not to betray his real intentions. This may well be true, but there are a number of other reasons why the interlocutor deliberately avoids eye contact. A person may not look in the eyes due to the peculiarities of his character, temperament, lack of courage, or self-doubt. The qualities that shape the personality in each of us are expressed in different ways, and this affects how sociable a person is and how he behaves during a conversation.

A person does not look into the eyes when talking - these are the main reasons:

Shyness

This fact is confirmed by scientific research. A person knows that a gaze can betray feelings, so he deliberately averts it. Many lovers try to hide their heightened interest, because they are afraid to openly declare their feelings or are waiting for the right moment. If at the same time your interlocutor blushes in addition and begins to say some nonsense, then love is evident here!

Self-doubt

It is difficult for such people to communicate with others, because they constantly worry about what they will think of them. An insecure person rarely looks in the eyes, and often does it on the sly, because he is very concerned about his emotional experiences and thinks about how best to behave when talking.

The heavy look of the interlocutor

Such people are often called energy vampires, who seem to deliberately "bore" their gaze, wanting to suppress and show their superiority. The heavy, gaze of the opponent seems to penetrate the interlocutor, cause discomfort and cause unpleasant emotions. In these cases, eye contact is very difficult, so many try to avoid it, for example, by lowering their eyes to the floor.

Irritation

Some people may get tired of trying to make close eye contact on the part of the interlocutors, they think that they are trying to catch them in something bad and experience unpleasant emotions and irritation about this.

What the interlocutor says is absolutely not interesting

If the withdrawn indifferent gaze is combined with yawning, and the one with whom you are talking often glances at the clock, then it is worth stopping this dialogue as soon as possible, since it is ineffective. In this case, the meaning of verbal and non-verbal information exchange is absent.

Intense information flow

In a few seconds of close visual contact, you can get a very large amount of information, which is equivalent to many hours of frank communication. Therefore, even in a confidential conversation, friends sometimes look away to distract themselves and digest the information received.

Why does a person close their eyes when talking?

A squinted gaze means precise concentration of attention on a specific object. A narrowed, tense look can indicate an increased tendency to criticism and ill will, as well as betray the callousness of the person. Half-covered eyelids of the interlocutor during a conversation indicate his overestimated self-esteem, arrogance, arrogance, and complete inertia to the events taking place.

If the interlocutor closes his eyes without much tension, without closing them, it means that he is trying to abstract from external events. This self-isolation helps you focus well on pondering a task, reflect on upcoming events, and enjoy sensual visuals.

Considering the situation in a complex, it is quite possible to understand why a person hides his eyes when talking.

Do you always have to look in the eyes? Types of views

Your interlocutor looks down and somewhere to the side, this always makes an unpleasant impression: either they are unhappy with us, or they don’t listen, but only pretend, or sneer laughing at us.

He does not look directly into the eyes of the interlocutor, but always sideways, turning his face half-turned. It seems that they do not trust you, they suspect you of something.

They look sullenly. There is a feeling of opposition, as if they hate you and are ready to answer "no" to everything.

A running glance evokes a feeling as if an eternally guilty, extremely insecure person is standing in front of you.

Incessantly boring, sizzling look. They say about him: "heavy". Are you despised? Want to subdue? Especially sensitive ones - frost on the skin from such a look. It was specially developed by some dictators. To make it easier for themselves, they looked at an imaginary point between the eyebrows of the interlocutor, which is why this gaze is sometimes called central.

Many speakers speak as if for themselves, although at the same time they hold on quite freely, looking at the same time "at the clouds." They seem to be indifferent to whether you have an interest or not. To finish - and leave, if only they did not interfere too much.

There are people who, looking at you, constantly squint, often their lips express a slight grin. You think they are laughing at you or disagree with what you are saying. No, they are not going to object, they just silently enjoy the feeling of their own superiority.

How to look someone in the eye: a few rules

The one who is in this moment listens, looks into the eyes much longer (this is logical: he is less busy). The speaker often looks away, thinking about the next phrase, and this is quite normal. It often happens that you speak, and your interlocutor looks into your eyes only until you do the same, but as soon as you try to catch his eye, he immediately removes it.

Remember this unpleasant feature: it is also bad manners to look in the eyes without interruption, not for a moment looking away. It seems to the interlocutor that he is being "probed", he will get nervous under such a searching gaze. Look calmly, benevolently, turning your face straight to the interlocutor. Maintain an optimal distance that you both feel comfortable at. If you tend to look sideways or askance, then try to control yourself with an effort of will until the proper manner of looking becomes familiar to you.

If there are several participants in the conversation in front of you (even if they only perform the role of listeners), then you need to periodically look everyone in the eye. Another thing is that more glances go to those who are in the lead in the conversation, but if you look only the leader in the eyes, then the rest will feel superfluous. Of course, when you have a thousandth audience in front of you, you won't look everyone in the eye, but eye contact is still necessary.

There is a kind of gaze etiquette: for comfortable communication, the interlocutors should look into each other's eyes for about 2/3 of the entire conversation. But this does not mean that you have to stare at close range, without stopping: the optimal gaze duration is about 10 seconds.

Also, etiquette requires that the bodies of the interlocutors be turned towards each other: it is impolite to speak "over the shoulder", "half-turned" or even turning your back. In any case, the face should be turned to the interlocutor: a sidelong glance is not for business communication.

It is equally unpleasant when the interlocutor looks at you point-blank, not taking his eyes off for a second (“glaring at”), and also when he looks to the side almost all the time, showing that he is not interested in the conversation. True, it happens that a person who is insecure, shy and timid all the time looks away. But such insecurity and timidity does not paint a business person. In addition, it is worth remembering that a stubborn unwillingness to look in the eyes is considered by most listeners a sign of a lie. In fact, this is by no means always the case - but it is necessary to reckon with this "national omen".

It also happens that the interlocutor looks at you, but as soon as you try to catch his eye, he immediately looks away. It is also very unpleasant when the interlocutor looks sullenly. All these are bad manners, but it is more difficult to control your facial expressions and direction of gaze than words - therefore even the most educated people sometimes unwittingly violate gaze etiquette.

What other rules does gaze etiquette contain? You should not look too closely at a person: neither familiar nor unfamiliar. This is especially important if he has physical disabilities. In addition, it is indecent to look at a person who is eating.

The point of application of the gaze depends on the situation. At business communication it is customary to look into the eyes of the interlocutor or to the point between his eyebrows. In a friendly relationship, the gaze slides over the interlocutor's face, between the eyes and mouth. A glance that wanders between the eyes and the chest of the interlocutor or descends even lower is suitable only for intimate communication: in a business situation, this is a violation of etiquette.

When you are talking to several people (even if they are just listening to you), you need to meet the eyes of everyone from time to time. Of course, they often look at the most active interlocutor, but if you look only the leader in the eyes, the rest will feel superfluous.

And the last thing: for comfortable communication, it is necessary to see the eyes of the interlocutor - therefore, when talking, you need to take off your dark glasses. Even glasses with slightly tinted lenses create awkwardness, disturb the atmosphere of communication.

Sources:
https://glaz-almaz05.ru/blog/interesnye/chelovek-ne-smotrit-v-glaza.html
http://proeticet.ru/1_glaza.html

It has long been no secret that all people lie. They can cheat in little things or more. important things... Those who do not want to become their victim should be prepared for this turn of events and learn to recognize lies. To do this, you need to have extensive experience in communicating with people and constantly train your own observation skills. Learning to understand people is quite difficult, but still possible. Most often, lies are determined by eyes, facial expressions and gestures.

The eyes are a mirror ...

When a person lies, it is his eyes that often give him away. Having a desire, you can learn to control gestures or facial expressions, or think over a story to the smallest detail, but you will hardly be able to control eye movements. During a lie, a person feels very insecure and uncomfortable, so he tries to look away. If the interlocutor does not look directly in the eyes, this can be considered as the first sign of deception.

But not everything is so simple. Almost everyone knows how to detect lies in the eyes, so they use the "by contradiction" method. If a person looks straight ahead with an unblinking gaze, perhaps he wants to justify himself. An overly honest look often testifies to the truthfulness of the interlocutor's words. One gets the impression that he wants to penetrate the thoughts of the opponent and understand whether he believes him. And if the liar is caught by surprise, most likely he will try to divert attention or go to another room.

It is almost impossible to control, so the person who is lying changes their gaze. The pupil becomes much smaller than usual.

Blood to the face ...

Detecting lies by the eyes is not the only way to recognize lies. When a person tells a lie, tiny wrinkles appear around his eyes. Sometimes you can even see them with the naked eye. If there are doubts about the sincerity of the opponent's words, it is worth closely observing his skin around his eyes.

Four sides of the world

Thinking about the eyes, you can observe the direction in which the interlocutor is looking. If his gaze is directed to the right, then he is deceiving. When people look up and straight, it means that at this moment they come up with a picture or image for themselves. To represent sounds or a phrase, the person will look to the right and straight ahead. When the script is ready, the deceiver will shift his gaze to the right and down. But these rules only apply when the person is right-handed. In a left-handed person, the position of the eyes when lying is the opposite.

If the gaze quickly moves from one object to another, then this is also a reason to think about how to determine a lie by the eyes.

Guilt

Knowing the basic secrets, you can easily determine whether a person is cheating or not. Many people during a lying story experience At this time, the eyes go down, and sometimes to the side. To identify lies, it is necessary to compare the movements of the eyeballs with the words spoken by the opponent.

"Fixed" eyes

Psychologists are sure that a frozen gaze is a sign that a person is telling a lie. To check this, it is enough to ask the interlocutor to remember some detail. If he continues to stare straight ahead and doesn't blink, chances are he can't be trusted. In the case when the opponent answers the question posed without hesitation and without changing the position of the eyes, one can suspect him of insincerity. When the number of blinks increases, this indicates that the person feels uncomfortable and wants to withdraw from the outside world.

But the definition of lies in the eyes in this way is not fair in the case when the events took place ten to fifteen minutes ago. Also, do not get hung up on a fixed gaze when a person provides information that is very important to him, for example, an address or phone number.

A sharp look away

When communicating with a person, you can sometimes notice how he quickly avert his eyes to the side during the story, and then again looks at the interlocutor. It is very likely that such his actions indicate that he is trying to hide something.

If the whole conversation the interlocutor looked directly and openly, and when touching on a certain topic began to look away or avoid direct contact, then this is one of the signs of how to recognize a lie by the eyes. But sometimes insecure and insecure people behave this way if the topic of the conversation makes them feel uncomfortable. In this case, it makes no sense to talk about deception on the basis of this feature alone.

Frightened facial expression

The person who cheats is always afraid of being exposed. Therefore, during a conversation, he may have a little scared.But only an experienced psychologist will be able to distinguish it from the usual embarrassment in front of a stranger or an unusual situation.

Eyes are not the only indicator of a lie. When analyzing the behavior of the interlocutor, it is worth evaluating the complete picture: pay attention to gestures, posture and facial expressions. Any information about a person will be useful in order to correctly match words and "picture". Therefore, it is not worth doing.

Mimicry while lying

Knowing the position of the eyes when lying is important, but not enough. It is necessary to observe the person's speech, his movements and behavior. During a false story, changes will certainly be noticeable. It is necessary to evaluate facial expressions and gestures only in conjunction with speech and voice parameters.

Intonation and smile

When the other person is cheating, his speech and intonation will change. The voice may tremble, and the words are pronounced more slowly or, conversely, faster. Some people develop hoarseness or high notes slip. If the interlocutor is shy, then he may start to stutter.

A smile can also tell you insincerity. Many people smile a little when they tell a lie. The interlocutor should be alerted if the smile is completely inappropriate. This facial expression allows you to hide a little awkwardness and excitement. But this does not apply to cheerful people who always try to smile.

Facial muscle tension

If you look very closely at your opponent, you can figure out whether he is cheating or not. It will be given by micro-tension of the facial muscles, which lasts a few seconds. No matter how “stony” the person speaks with the interlocutor, instant tension is still inevitable.

The deceiver betrays not only the position of the eyes when lying, but also the uncontrollable skin and other parts of the face. The most common are: lip twitching, rapid blinking, or skin discoloration.

Lying gestures

Well-known experts agreed that when a person cheats, he performs typical actions:

• touches the face with his hands;
• covers his mouth;
• scratches nose, rubs eyes, or touches ear;
• pulls back the collar on the clothes.

But all these gestures can speak of lies only when there are other signs of deception. Therefore, the most reliable is the definition of lies by eyes, facial expressions, movements and behavior. Learning to diagnose a lie can help you avoid being a victim and always feel confident.

As practice shows, the person who often communicates with other people is capable of accurately recognizing lies. He must also be able to soberly perceive the situation and events, be attentive and try to notice all the nuances and subtleties of their behavior. Rich communication experience and the ability to analyze will help to correctly perceive all the information received and assess its reliability.