Methods for resolving conflicts in the pedagogical process. Methods for resolving pedagogical conflicts

Introduction ………………………………………………………………………… ..3

Chapter one.

1.1 Definition of the conflict, content, types and methods of its course …………………………………………………………………… .4

1.2. Conflicts in the context of educational activities …………………………… 14

Chapter two.

The specifics of the settlement of pedagogical conflicts ...................... 17

Conclusion ……………………………………………………………… ...… ..24

References ……………………………………………………………… 25

Introduction.

In moments of social cataclysms, we all note the growth of bitterness, envy, and intolerance towards each other. This is due to the disappearance as a result of the so-called restructuring of the system of prohibitions, upbringing, strict observance of laws, which leads to the manifestation of base instincts and (which Dostoevsky feared) - to permissiveness, aggressiveness.

Aggressiveness is a hindrance in the formation of relationships, morality, and social activities of people. Administrative measures cannot solve this problem.

Now, more than ever, it is important from childhood to educate children in an attentive attitude towards others, to prepare them for a benevolent attitude towards people, and to teach them to cooperate.

For this, the teacher needs to master well the skills and abilities of preventing and resolving conflict situations, since the problem of interaction between the participants in the pedagogical process is becoming increasingly acute for the modern school.

In numerous publications about the problems of the modern school, it is often noted that its main problem is the teacher's lack of interest in the child's personality, unwillingness and inability to know his inner world, hence the conflicts between teachers and students, school and family. This, first of all, reveals not so much the unwillingness of teachers as their inability, helplessness in resolving many conflicts.

In this work, an attempt is made to consider the main types of pedagogical conflicts and possible ways their permissions.

1.1. Definition of the conflict, content, types and methods of flow.

In order to skillfully use the conflict in the pedagogical process, it is necessary, of course, to have a theoretical basis: to know well its dynamics and all its components. It is useless to talk about the technology of using the conflict, to a person who has only an everyday idea of ​​the conflict process.

Conflict- a form of social interaction between two or more subjects (subjects can be represented by an individual / group / themselves - in the case of an internal conflict), arising from a mismatch of desires, interests, values ​​or perceptions.

In other words, a conflict is a situation when two or more subjects interact in such a way that a step forward in meeting the interests, perceptions, values ​​or desires of one of them means a step back for the other or others.

We are considering a pedagogical conflict, that is, a conflict, the subjects of which are the participants in the pedagogical process.

Typological division of conflicts:

- "authentic"- when a clash of interests exists objectively, is recognized by the participants and does not depend on any easily changing factor;

- "random or conditional"- when conflicting relations arise due to random, easily amenable circumstances, which are not recognized by their participants. Such relations can be terminated in the event of realizing the really available alternatives;

- "displaced"- when the perceived causes of the conflict are only indirectly related to the objective reasons underlying it. Such a conflict can be an expression of true conflict relations, but in some symbolic form;

- "misattributed"- when the conflict relationship is attributed to the wrong parties between which the actual conflict is being played out. This is done either deliberately with the aim of provoking a clash in the enemy group, thereby" obscuring "the conflict between its true participants, or unintentionally, due to the lack of truly true information about the existing conflict ;

- "hidden"- when conflicting relations, due to objective reasons, should take place, but are not actualized;

- "false"- a conflict that has no objective grounds and arises as a result of false ideas or misunderstandings.

It is necessary to distinguish between the concepts of "conflict" and "conflict situation", the difference between them is very significant.

Conflict situation- such a combination of human interests, which creates the basis for a real confrontation between social subjects. The main feature is the emergence of an object of conflict, but so far the absence of an open active struggle.

That is, in the process of the development of a collision, a conflict situation always precedes a conflict, is its basis.

There are four types of conflicts:

- intrapersonal, reflecting the struggle of approximately equal in strength motives, drives, interests of the individual;

- interpersonal, characterized by the fact that the actors strive to realize mutually exclusive goals in their life;

- intergroup characterized by the fact that the conflicting parties are social groups pursuing incompatible goals and hindering each other on the way of their implementation;

- individual-group – arises in the case of a discrepancy between the behavior of the individual and group norms and expectations.

To predict a conflict, you must first figure out whether there is a problem that arises in cases where there is a contradiction, a mismatch between something and something. Further, the direction of development of the conflict situation is established. Then the composition of the participants in the conflict is determined, where special attention is paid to their motives, value orientations, distinctive features and demeanor. Finally, the content of the incident is analyzed.

There are warning signals for conflict. Among them:

· a crisis(in the course of a crisis, ordinary norms of behavior lose their force, and a person becomes capable of extremes - in his imagination, sometimes in reality);

· misunderstanding(caused by the fact that some situation is associated with the emotional tension of one of the participants, which leads to a distortion of perception);

· incidents(Some little thing can cause temporary excitement or irritation, but it goes away very quickly);

· voltage(a state that distorts the perception of another person and the actions of his actions, feelings change to the worst, relationships become a source of continuous anxiety, very often any misunderstanding can develop into a conflict);

· the discomfort(an intuitive feeling of excitement, fear that is difficult to express in words).

It is pedagogically important to monitor the signals that indicate the onset of a conflict.

In the practice of a social teacher, it is not so much the elimination of the incident that is more interested in the analysis of the conflict situation. After all, the incident can be drowned out by “pressing”, while the conflict situation persists, taking a protracted form and negatively affecting the life of the team.

Today, conflict is viewed as a very significant phenomenon in pedagogy that cannot be ignored and which should be given special attention. Neither the collective nor the individual can develop without conflict, the presence of conflicts is an indicator of normal development.

Considering the conflict as an effective means of educational influence on the individual, scientists point out that overcoming conflict situations is possible only on the basis of special psychological and pedagogical knowledge and the corresponding skills. Meanwhile, many teachers negatively assess any conflict as a phenomenon that testifies to failures in their educational work. Most teachers still retain a wary attitude towards the very word "conflict", in their minds this concept is associated with a deterioration in relationships, a violation of discipline, a phenomenon harmful to the educational process. They strive to avoid conflicts in any way, and if there are any, they try to extinguish the external manifestation of the latter.

Most scholars believe that a conflict is an acute situation that arises as a result of a clash of personal relationships with generally accepted norms. Others define a conflict as a situation of interaction between people either pursuing mutually exclusive or unattainable goals by both conflicting sides, or seeking to realize incompatible values ​​and norms in their relationships, such a contradiction between people, which is characterized by confrontation as a phenomenon that creates a very complex psychological atmosphere in any group of schoolchildren, especially high school students, as an intractable contradiction associated with acute emotional experiences as a critical situation, that is, a situation where the subject cannot realize the internal necessities of his life (motives, aspirations, values, etc.); as an internal struggle that generates external, objectively given contradictions, as a state that gives rise to displeasure with a whole system of motives, as a contradiction between needs and the possibilities of their satisfaction.

Based on the above, we can conclude that for a long time there were no common views on the nature and causes of conflicts; the very fact of the existence of contradictions and conflicts was not recognized; the very existence of conflicts was perceived as a negative phenomenon that interferes with the normal functioning of the pedagogical system and causes its structural disturbances.

It has been found that contradictions that arise among adolescents do not always lead to conflict. Skillful and sensitive pedagogical leadership determines whether a contradiction grows into a conflict or finds its resolution in discussions and disputes. The successful resolution of the conflict sometimes depends on the position taken by the teacher in relation to her (authoritarian, neutral, avoidance of conflicts, expedient intervention in the conflict). Managing a conflict, predicting its development and being able to resolve it is a kind of “safety technique” for pedagogical activity.

There are two approaches to preparing for conflict resolution:

- study of the available advanced teaching experience;

- the second - mastering the knowledge of the patterns of development of conflicts and methods of their prevention and overcoming; (the path is more laborious, but more effective, since it is impossible to give “recipes” for all kinds of conflicts).

VM Afonkova argues that the success of pedagogical intervention in student conflicts depends on the position of the teacher. There can be at least four such positions:

· position of neutrality - the teacher tries not to notice and not interfere in the clashes that arise among the pupils;

· position of avoiding conflict - the teacher is convinced that the conflict is an indicator of his failures in educational work with children and arises from ignorance of how to get out of this situation;

· position of expedient intervention in the conflict - the teacher, relying on good knowledge of the collective of pupils, the relevant knowledge and skills, analyzes the causes of the conflict, decides to either suppress it, or give it an opportunity to develop to a certain limit.

The actions of the teacher in the fourth position allow you to control and manage the conflict.

However, the teacher often lacks the culture and technology of interaction with pupils, which leads to mutual alienation. A person with a high communication technique is characterized by the desire not only to correctly resolve the conflict, but also to understand its causes. To resolve conflicts among adolescents, the method of persuasion is very appropriate as a way of reconciling the parties. It helps show adolescents the inappropriateness of some of the forms they use to resolve conflict (fights, nicknames, intimidation, etc.). At the same time, teachers, using this method, make a typical mistake, focusing only on the logic of their evidence, not taking into account the views and opinions of the adolescent himself. Neither logic nor emotionality achieve the goal if the teacher ignores the views and experience of the pupil.

A theoretical analysis of psychological and pedagogical conflictology leads to the following preliminary conclusions:

An explainable contradiction often lies at the heart of the conflict, and the conflict itself can be constructive and destructive;

Most teachers remain wary of student conflicts;

Conflicts should not be “feared” because they are natural;

Conflicts among adolescents due to their age characteristics are widespread and common;

High emotional “heat” in communication often leads to conflict;

Conflict can be caused by the assertion of one's “I”;

Intrapersonal conflict can cause interpersonal conflict;

It is advisable for teachers to intervene in a conflict not so much in order to eliminate it as to help a teenager in knowing himself, his friend, his educational team;

Before intervening in a conflict, it is necessary to know the reasons for its occurrence, otherwise the intervention can acquire pedagogically negative character;

A conflict situation and conflict, with the skillful use of management mechanisms, can become effective means of educational influence;

The social educator requires deep specialized knowledge to successfully manage adolescent conflict.

Conflicts can be initiated not only by objective, but also by subjective conditions. Objective circumstances include what exists more or less independently of the pedagogical process, and what creates the potential for conflict. Subjective conditions make up the level of upbringing and development of children, the awareness of the degree of conflict of the situation by its participants, their moral and value orientations.

In terms of their focus, conflicts are divided into the following types:

Socio-pedagogical - they are manifested both in relations between groups and with individuals. This group is based on conflicts - violations in the field of relationships. The reasons for the relationship may be as follows: psychological incompatibility, i.e. unconscious, unmotivated rejection of a person by a person, causing unpleasant emotional states in one of the parties or at the same time in each of them. The reasons may be the struggle for leadership, for influence, for a prestigious position, for attention, support of others;

Psychological and pedagogical conflicts - they are based on the contradictions that arise in the educational process in the conditions of a deficit of harmonization of the relationships that are developing in it;

Social conflict - situational conflicts from time to time;

Psychological conflict - occurs outside of communication with people, occurs within the personality.

Conflicts are distinguished according to the degree of their reaction to what is happening:

Fast-flowing conflicts are distinguished by a great emotional coloring, extreme manifestations of the negative attitude of the conflicting ones. Sometimes these kinds of conflicts end in difficult and tragic outcomes. Such conflicts are most often based on characteristics of character, mental health of the individual;

Acute long-term conflicts arise in cases where the contradictions are sufficiently stable, deep, difficult to reconcile. The conflicting parties control their reactions and actions. Resolving such conflicts is not easy;

Weakly expressed sluggish conflicts are characteristic of contradictions that are not very acute, or for clashes in which only one of the parties is active; the second seeks to clearly reveal its position or avoids, as far as possible, open confrontation. The resolution of such conflicts is difficult, much depends on the initiator of the conflict.

Weakly expressed, fast-paced conflicts are the most favorable form of collision of contradictions, but it is easy to predict a conflict only if it was the only one. If, after that, such conflicts appear, outwardly proceeding mildly, then the prognosis may be unfavorable.

There are conflicting pedagogical situations in time: permanent and temporary (discrete, one-time); by the content of joint activities: educational, organizational, labor, interpersonal, etc .; in the field of psychological flow: in business and informal communication. Business conflicts arise on the basis of discrepancies in the opinions and actions of team members in solving business problems, and the latter - on the basis of contradictions in personal interests. Personal conflicts can relate to people's perception and assessment of each other, real or apparent injustice in assessing their actions, work results, etc.

Most conflicts are subjective in nature and are based on one of the following psychological causes:

Not good enough knowledge of the person;

Misunderstanding of his intentions;

Misconception of what he really thinks;

Erroneous interpretation of the motives of the committed acts;

Inaccurate assessment of the relationship of a given person to another.

From a psychological point of view, the occurrence of any of these reasons, any combination of them leads in practice to humiliation of a person's dignity, engenders a fair reaction on his part in the form of an offense, which causes the same reaction of the offender, while neither one nor the other person is able to understand and understand the causes of mutually hostile behavior.

All subjective factors influencing the conflict can be: characterological and situational. The first include stable personality traits, the second - overwork, dissatisfaction, bad mood, a sense of uselessness.

In conflict situations, their participants resort to various forms of defensive behavior:

- aggression(manifests itself in conflicts along the “vertical”, ie between the student and the teacher, between the teacher and the school administration, etc .; it can be directed at other people and at oneself, often takes the form of self-humiliation, self-accusation);

- projection(reasons are attributed to everyone around them, their shortcomings are seen in all people, this allows you to cope with excessive internal stress);

- fantasy(what cannot be done in reality, begins to be achieved in dreams; the achievement of the desired goal occurs in the imagination);

- regression(there is a substitution of the goal; the level of aspirations decreases; at the same time, the motives of behavior remain the same);

- target replacement(psychological stress is directed to other areas of activity);

- avoiding an unpleasant situation(a person unconsciously avoids situations in which he failed or was unable to carry out the intended tasks).

There are a number of stages in the dynamics of conflict development:

1. Presumptive stage- associated with the emergence of conditions under which a conflict of interests may arise. These conditions include: a) a long-term conflict-free state of the collective or group, when everyone considers themselves free, does not bear any responsibility to others, sooner or later there is a desire to look for the guilty; everyone considers himself the right side, unjustly offended, then creates a conflict; conflict-free development is fraught with conflicts; b) constant overwork caused by overloads, which lead to stress, nervousness, excitability, inadequate reaction to the simplest and most harmless things; c) informational-sensory hunger, lack of vital information, prolonged absence of vivid, strong impressions; at the heart of all this is the emotional oversaturation of everyday life. Lack of necessary information on a wide public scale provokes the appearance of rumors, conjectures, gives rise to anxiety (among adolescents - a passion for rock music, like drugs); d) different abilities, opportunities, living conditions - all this leads to envy of a successful, capable person. The main thing is that in any class, team, group, no one should feel left out, a “second-class person”; e) the style of life organization and team management.

2. Conflict initiation stage- clash of interests of different groups or individuals. It is possible in three main forms: a) a fundamental clash, when the satisfaction of some can be realized definitely only at the expense of infringing on the interests of others; b) a clash of interests, which affects only the form of relations between people, but does not seriously affect their material, spiritual and other needs; c) there is an idea of ​​a clash of interests, but this is an imaginary, apparent clash that does not affect the interests of people, members of the team.

3. Conflict maturation stage- a clash of interests becomes inevitable. At this stage, the psychological attitude of the participants in the developing conflict is formed, i.e. unconscious willingness to act in one way or another in order to remove the sources of the uncomfortable state. The state of psychological tension prompts to "attack" or "retreat" from the source of unpleasant experiences. People around them can guess about a maturing conflict faster than its participants, they have more independent observations, more free from subjective judgments. The ripening of the conflict can also be evidenced by the psychological atmosphere of the collective, the group.

4. Conflict awareness stage- the conflicting parties begin to realize, and not only feel, the clash of interests. A number of options are possible here: a) both participants come to the conclusion that conflicting relations are inexpedient and are ready to abandon mutual claims; b) one of the participants understands the inevitability of the conflict and, having weighed all the circumstances, is ready to concede; another participant goes to further aggravation; considers the other side's compliance as weakness; c) both participants come to the conclusion that the contradictions are irreconcilable and begin to mobilize forces to resolve the conflict in their favor.

The objective content of the conflict situation.

1. Participants in the conflict. In any conflict, people are the main actors. They can act in a conflict as individuals (for example, in a family conflict), as officials (vertical conflict) or as legal entities (representatives of institutions or organizations). In addition, they can form various groupings and social groups.

The degree of participation in the conflict can be different: from direct opposition to indirect influence on the course of the conflict. Based on this, the following are distinguished: the main participants in the conflict; support groups; other participants.

The main participants in the conflict. They are often referred to as sides or opposing forces. These are the subjects of the conflict who directly take active (offensive or defensive) actions against each other. The opposing sides are the key link in any conflict. When one of the parties leaves the conflict, it ends. If in an interpersonal conflict one of the participants is replaced by a new one, then the conflict also changes, a new conflict begins.

2. The subject of the conflict ... It reflects the clash of interests and goals of the parties. The struggle taking place in the conflict reflects the desire of the parties to resolve this contradiction, as a rule, in their favor. In the course of a conflict, the struggle can escalate and subside. To the same extent, the contradiction calms down and intensifies.

The subject of the conflict is the contradiction because of which and for the sake of the resolution of which the parties enter into confrontation.

3. Object of conflict ... The object is located deeper and is the core of the problem, the central link in the conflict situation. Therefore, it is sometimes considered as a cause, a reason for conflict. The object of the conflict can be material (resource), social (power) or spiritual (idea, norm, principle) value, to possession or use of which both opponents strive. To become an object of conflict, an element of the material, social or spiritual sphere must be at the intersection of the personal, group, public or state interests of the subjects who seek to control it. The condition for the conflict is the claim of at least one of the parties to the indivisibility of the object, the desire to consider it indivisible, to fully own it. For constructive resolution conflict, it is necessary to change not only its objective components, but also subjective ones.

4. Micro and macro environment... When analyzing a conflict, it is necessary to single out such an element as the conditions in which the parties to the conflict are and act, that is, the micro and macro environment in which the conflict arose.

Important psychological components of a conflict situation are the aspirations of the parties, the strategies and tactics of their behavior, as well as their perception of the conflict situation, that is, those information models of the conflict that each of the parties has and in accordance with which the participants organize their behavior in the conflict.

Conflicts in the context of educational activities

The school is characterized by all sorts of conflicts. The pedagogical sphere is a combination of all types of purposeful personality formation, and its essence is the activity of transferring and mastering social experience. Therefore, it is here that favorable socio-psychological conditions are needed that provide mental comfort to the teacher, student and parents.

In the field of public education, it is customary to distinguish four subjects of activity: student, teacher, parents and administrator. Depending on which subjects interact, the following types of conflicts can be distinguished: student - student; student - teacher; student - parents; student - administrator; teacher - teacher; teacher - parents; teacher - administrator; parents - parents; parents are an administrator; administrator - administrator.

The most common among students are leadership conflicts, which reflect the struggle of two or three leaders and their groups for primacy in the classroom. In the middle grades, there is often a conflict between a group of boys and a group of girls. A conflict between three or four adolescents with the whole class may emerge, or a conflict confrontation between one student and a class may erupt.

Big influence the conflict behavior of schoolchildren is influenced by the personality of the teacher . Its impact can be manifested in various aspects.

First, the teacher's interaction style with other students serves as an example for reproduction in relationships with peers. Research shows that the communication style and pedagogical tactics of the first teacher have a significant impact on the formation of interpersonal relationships between students and classmates and parents. Personal communication style and pedagogical tactics "cooperation ” determine the most conflict-free relations of children with each other. However, this style is owned by a small number of primary school teachers. Teachers primary grades with a pronounced functional style of communication, they adhere to one of the tactics ("dictate" or "guardianship"), which increase the tension of interpersonal relations in the class. A large number of Conflict characterizes relations in the classes of “authoritarian” teachers and in senior school age.

Secondly, the teacher is obliged to intervene in student conflicts. , regulate them. This, of course, does not mean suppressing them. Depending on the situation, administrative intervention may be necessary, or just good advice. Involvement of conflicting students in joint activities, participation in conflict resolution of other students, especially class leaders, etc., has a positive effect.

The process of training and education, like any development, is impossible without contradictions and conflicts. Confrontation with children, whose living conditions today cannot be called favorable, is common part of reality. According to M.M. Rybakova, among the conflicts between teacher and student, the following conflicts stand out:

Activities arising from the student's progress, the performance of extracurricular tasks;

Behavior (actions) arising from the violation by the student of the rules of conduct in and out of school;

Relationships arising in the sphere of emotional and personal relationships between students and teachers.

Activity conflicts arise between the teacher and the student and are manifested in the student's refusal to complete the educational task or poor performance. Such conflicts often occur with students experiencing difficulties in learning; when a teacher teaches a subject in the classroom for a short time and the relationship between him and the student is limited to educational work. Recently, there has been an increase in such conflicts due to the fact that the teacher often makes excessive demands on the mastery of the subject, and uses marks as a means of punishing those who violate discipline. These situations often cause talented, independent students to leave school, while the rest of them are less motivated to learn in general.

Conflicts of actions in Any mistake of the teacher in resolving the conflict gives rise to new problems and conflicts, which involve other students; a conflict in pedagogical activity is easier to prevent than to successfully resolve.

It is important that the teacher is able to correctly determine your position in the conflict, since if the class team acts on his side, then it is easier for him to find the optimal way out of the current situation. If the class begins to have fun with the offender or takes an ambivalent position, this leads to negative consequences (for example, conflicts can become permanent).

Relationship conflicts often arise as a result of the teacher's inept solution of problem situations and are, as a rule, of a long-term nature. These conflicts acquire a personal meaning, give rise to a long-term dislike of the student towards the teacher, and disrupt their interaction for a long time.

Features of pedagogical conflicts

Among them are the following:

The responsibility of the teacher for the pedagogically correct resolution of problem situations: after all, the school is a model of society, where students learn the norms of relations between people;

Participants in conflicts have different social status (teacher - student), which determines their behavior in the conflict;

The difference in the life experience of the participants gives rise to a different degree of responsibility for mistakes in resolving conflicts;

Different understanding of events and their causes (the conflict “through the eyes of a teacher” and “through the eyes of a student” is seen in different ways), therefore, it is not always easy for a teacher to understand the depth of a child's feelings, and a student - to cope with emotions, to subordinate them to reason;

The presence of other students makes them participants from witnesses, and the conflict acquires an educational meaning for them as well; the teacher always has to remember this;

The professional position of a teacher in a conflict obliges him to take the initiative in resolving it and to be able to put the interests of the student as a developing personality in the first place;

By controlling your emotions, be objective, give students the opportunity to substantiate their claims, “let off steam”;

Do not ascribe to the student your understanding of his position, switch to “I-statements (not“ you are deceiving me ”, but“ I feel deceived ”);

Do not offend the student (there are words that, when spoken, cause such damage to the relationship that all subsequent “compensating” actions cannot correct them);

Try not to kick the student out of the class;

If possible, do not contact the administration;

do not respond to aggression with aggression, do not affect his personality,

assess only his specific actions;

Give yourself and your child the right to make mistakes, not forgetting that “only the one who does nothing is not mistaken”;

Regardless of the results of resolving the contradiction, try not to destroy the relationship with the child (express regret about the conflict, express your affection for the student);

Do not be afraid of conflicts with students, but take the initiative to resolve them constructively.

The specifics of the settlement of pedagogical conflicts.

There are few problems between people or groups of people that can be solved in an instant.

Successful conflict resolution therefore typically involves a cycle of defining the problem, analyzing it, taking action to resolve it, and evaluating the outcome. In any given situation, the source of the conflict should be identified before developing a policy to resolve them.

First of all, you need to find out what happened. What is the problem? It is important at this stage to state the facts so that everyone agrees on the definition of the problem. Feelings and values ​​should be clearly separated from facts. And the leader must present the ideal solution from his side. facts.

Then ask all stakeholders: what are their feelings and what would they like to see as an ideal solution? Several options are possible.

Once the conflict has been analyzed, it is possible to move on to a joint, cooperative search for steps to bring everyone to reconciliation.

Conflicts are destructive and constructive. Destructive - when he does not touch on important work problems, divides the team into groups, etc.

Constructive conflict - when an acute problem is revealed, it leads to a collision with a real problem and ways to solve it, helps to improve. (You can compare: in a dispute, truth is born.)

When resolving conflicts between a teacher and a student, it is necessary, in addition to analyzing the causes of the conflict, to take into account the age factor

Along with business conflict situations “teacher-student”, there are frequent contradictions of a personal nature.

As a rule, they arise because of the adolescent's feeling of adulthood and the desire to recognize himself as such, and on the other hand, the teacher's lack of grounds for recognizing him as his equal. And in the case of incorrect tactics, the teacher is able to bring about stable personal mutual hostility and even enmity.

Getting into a conflict situation, the teacher can direct his activity either to better understand his interlocutor, or to regulate his own psychological state in order to extinguish the conflict or prevent it. In the first case, the resolution of the conflict situation is achieved by establishing mutual understanding between people, eliminating omissions, inconsistencies. However, the problem of understanding another person is quite complicated.

Experienced teachers know what to say (selection of content in the dialogue), how to say (emotional accompaniment of the conversation), when to say in order to achieve the goal of speaking to the child (time and place), when to say and why to say (confidence in the result).

In the communication of a teacher with students, not only the content of speech is of great importance, but also its tone, intonation, facial expressions. If during communication between adults, intonation can carry up to 40% of information, then in the process of communication with a child, the influence of intonation increases significantly. It is fundamentally important to be able to listen and hear the student. This is not so easy to do for a number of reasons: firstly, it is difficult to expect smooth and coherent speech from the student, due to which adults often interrupt him, which further complicates the statement (“Okay, everything is clear, go!”). Secondly, teachers often have no time to listen to the student, although he has a need to talk, and when the teacher needs to learn something, the student has already lost interest in the conversation.

The real conflict between the teacher and the student can be analyzed at three levels:

From the point of view of the objective features of the organization of the educational process at school;

From the point of view of the social and psychological characteristics of the class, the teaching staff, the specific interpersonal relations between the teacher and the student;

From the point of view of age, gender, individual psychological characteristics of its participants.

A conflict can be considered productively resolved if there are real objective and subjective changes in the conditions and organization of the entire educational process, in the system of collective norms and rules, in the positive attitudes of the subjects of this process in relation to each other, in readiness for constructive behavior in future conflicts.

The real mechanism for establishing normal relations is seen in reducing the number and intensity of conflicts by translating them into a pedagogical situation, when interaction in the pedagogical process is not disturbed, although such work is associated with certain difficulties for the teacher.

In social psychology and pedagogy, there are five types of relationships:

- dictate relations - strict discipline, clear requirements for order, for knowledge in official business communication;

- relations of neutrality - free communication with students at the intellectual and cognitive level, the teacher's enthusiasm for his subject, erudition;

- custody relationship - care to the point of obsession, fear of any independence, constant contact with parents;

- confrontational relationship - latent dislike for students, constant dissatisfaction with the work on the subject; dismissive business tone in communication;

- cooperation relations - complicity in all matters, interest in each other, optimism and mutual trust in communication.

Talking to a child is much more difficult than talking to an adult; for this, one must be able to adequately assess his contradictory inner world by external manifestations, foresee his possible emotional response to the word addressed to him, his sensitivity to falsehood in communication with adults. The teacher's word acquires a convincing force of influence only if he knows the student well, showed attention to him, helped him in some way, i.e. established an appropriate relationship with him through joint activities. Meanwhile, novice teachers are inclined to believe that their word in itself should lead the child to obedience and acceptance of their requirements and attitudes.

For adoption correct decision the teacher often lacks time and information, he sees the fact of violation of the course of the lesson, but it is difficult for him to understand what caused this, what preceded it, which leads to a misinterpretation of actions. Teenagers, as a rule, are more informed about the reasons for what is happening, they are usually silent about it, and when trying to explain to the teacher, to clarify, he often stops them (“I'll figure it out myself”). It is difficult for a teacher to accept new information that contradicts his existing stereotypes, to change his attitude to what happened and his position.

Objective causes of conflicts in the classroom can be: a) student fatigue; b) conflicts in the previous lesson; c) responsible control work; d) a quarrel at recess, the mood of the teacher; e) his ability or inability to organize work in the lesson; f) health status or personal qualities.

Conflict often arises from the teacher's desire to assert his pedagogical position, as well as from the student's protest against unjust punishment, incorrect assessment of his activities and actions. By responding correctly to the adolescent's behavior, the teacher takes control of the situation and thereby restores order. Haste in assessing what is happening often leads to mistakes, causes indignation among students at injustice, and gives rise to conflict.

Conflict situations in the classroom, especially in teenage classes, are recognized by the majority as typical, natural. To resolve them, the teacher must be able to organize the collective educational activities of adolescent students, strengthening the business relationship between them; it comes to a conflict, as a rule, with a student who is poorly performing, “difficult” in behavior. You can not punish behavior for poor grades in the subject - this leads to a protracted personal conflict with the teacher. In order for a conflict situation to be successfully overcome, it must be subjected to psychological analysis... Its main goal is to create a sufficient information basis for making a psychologically sound decision in the current situation. The teacher's hasty reaction, as a rule, causes an impulsive response from the student, leads to the exchange of “verbal blows,” and the situation becomes conflictual.

Psychological analysis is also used to switch attention from indignation at the student's deed to his personality and its manifestation in activities, actions, relationships.

Predicting the responses and actions of students in conflict situations can provide a significant help to a social teacher. This was pointed out by many pedagogues-researchers (B.S.Gershunsky, V.I.Zagvyazinsky, N.N. Lobanova, M.I. Potashnik, M.M. Rybakova, L.F.Spirin, etc.). So, M.M. Potashnik recommends either to be forced to try on, to adapt to the situation, or to consciously and purposefully influence it, i.e. create new things.

M.M. Rybakova proposes to take into account the responses of students in conflict situations as follows:

Description of the situation that has arisen, conflict, action (participants, cause and place of origin, activities of participants, etc.);

Age and individual characteristics of participants in a conflict situation;

The situation through the eyes of a student and teacher;

The personal position of the teacher in the situation that has arisen, the real goals of the teacher when interacting with the student;

New information about students in the situation;

Options for repayment, prevention and resolution of the situation, correction of student behavior;

The choice of means and methods of pedagogical influence and the determination of specific participants in the implementation of the goals set at the present time and in the future.

It is known from the literature that it is advisable to resolve a conflict situation according to the following algorithm:

Analysis of data on the situation, identification of the main and accompanying contradictions, setting an educational goal, highlighting a hierarchy of tasks, determining actions;

Determination of the means and ways of resolving the situation, taking into account the possible consequences based on the analysis of interactions between educator - student, family - student, student - class team;

Planning the course of pedagogical influence, taking into account the possible response of students, parents, other participants in the situation;

Analysis of the results;

Correction of the results of pedagogical influence;

Self-esteem of the class teacher, mobilization of his spiritual and mental strength.

Psychologists consider the main condition for resolving a constructive conflict to be open and effective communication between the conflicting parties, which can take various forms:

- utterances that convey how a person understood words and actions, and the desire to receive confirmation that he understood them correctly;

- open and personalized statements concerning the state, feelings and intentions;

information containing feedback on how the participant in the conflict perceives the partner and interprets his behavior;

- demonstration the fact that the partner is perceived as a person despite criticism or resistance in relation to his specific actions.

The actions of the teacher to change the course of the conflict can be attributed to the actions that prevent it. Then conflict-tolerant actions can be called non-constructive actions (postpone the solution of a conflict situation, shame, threaten, etc.) and compromise actions, and conflict-generating actions can be repressive actions (contact the administration, write a report, etc.) and aggressive actions (break the student's work , make fun of, etc.). As you can see, the choice of actions to change the course of a conflict situation has a priority value.

Here are a number of situations and the behavior of a social teacher when they arise:

Failure to fulfill educational assignments due to lack of skill, knowledge of the motive (to change the forms of work with this student, teaching style, correction of the level of "difficulty" of the material, etc.);

Incorrect execution of training instructions to correct the assessment of the results and the course of teaching, taking into account the clarified reason for the incorrect assimilation of information);

Emotional rejection of the teacher (change the style of communication with this student);

Emotional imbalance of students (soften tone, communication style, offer help, switch the attention of other students).

In resolving the conflict, much depends on the teacher himself. Sometimes it is necessary to resort to introspection in order to better understand what is happening and try to initiate change, thereby drawing the line between emphasized self-affirmation and self-criticism.

The procedure for resolving conflicts is as follows:

Perceive the situation as it really is;

Don't jump to conclusions;

When discussing, you should analyze opinions opposite sides avoid recriminations;

Learn to put yourself in the shoes of the other side;

Don't let the conflict grow;

Problems must be solved by those who created them;

Respectfully treat the people with whom you communicate;

Always seek a compromise;

A common activity and constant communication between the communicants can overcome the conflict.

The main forms of the end of the conflict: resolution, settlement, attenuation, elimination, escalation into another conflict. Permission a conflict is a joint activity of its participants aimed at stopping opposition and solving the problem that led to the collision. Conflict resolution presupposes the activity of both parties to transform the conditions in which they interact, to eliminate the causes of the conflict. To resolve the conflict, it is necessary to change the opponents themselves (or at least one of them), their positions, which they defended in the conflict. Often the resolution of a conflict is based on a change in the attitude of opponents to its object or to each other. Conflict resolution is different from the resolution of topics, then a third party takes part in eliminating the contradiction between opponents. Its participation is possible both with the consent of the warring parties and without their consent. At the end of a conflict, the underlying contradiction is not always resolved.

Attenuation conflict is a temporary cessation of opposition while maintaining the main signs of conflict: contradictions and tensions. The conflict moves from an “explicit” form to a latent one. Fading conflict usually occurs as a result of:

Depletion of the resources of both sides needed to fight;

Loss of motivation to fight, reducing the importance of the object of the conflict;

Reorientation of the opponents' motivation (the emergence of new problems, more significant than the struggle in the conflict). Under eliminating conflict understand such an impact on it, as a result of which the main structural elements of the conflict are eliminated. Despite the “non-constructiveness” of elimination, there are situations that require quick and decisive responses to the conflict (threat of violence, loss of life, lack of time or material opportunities).

Elimination of the conflict is possible using the following methods:

Removing one of the participants from the conflict;

Excluding the interaction of participants for a long time;

Elimination of the object of the conflict.

Escalating into another conflict occurs when a new, more significant contradiction arises in the relations of the parties and the object of the conflict changes. The outcome of the conflict viewed as a result of the struggle from the point of view of the state of the parties and their relationship to the object of the conflict. The outcomes of the conflict can be:

Elimination of one or both sides;

Suspension of the conflict with the possibility of its renewal;

Victory of one of the parties (seizure of the object of the conflict);

Division of the object of the conflict (symmetric or asymmetric);

Agreement on the rules for sharing the object;

Equal compensation of one of the parties for the possession of the object by the other party;

Refusal of both parties to encroach on this object.

Termination of conflict interaction - the first and obvious condition for the beginning of the resolution of any conflict. Until those two sides strengthen their position or weaken the position of a participant with the help of violence, there can be no talk of resolving the conflict.

Search for common or similar points of contact for the purposes, interests of the participants is a two-way process and involves the analysis of both their goals and interests, and the goals and interests of the other party. If the parties want to resolve the conflict, they must focus on the interests, and not on the personality of the opponent. When the conflict is resolved, a stable negative attitude of the parties to each other remains. It is expressed in a negative opinion about the participant and in negative emotions in relation to him. To begin to resolve the conflict, it is necessary to mitigate this negative attitude.

It is important to understand that the problem that caused the conflict is best solved together, by joining forces. This is facilitated, firstly, by a critical analysis of one's own position and actions. Revealing and admitting one's own mistakes reduces the negative perception of the participant. Secondly, it is necessary to try to understand the interests of the other. To understand is not to accept or justify. However, this will broaden the understanding of the opponent, make him more objective. Thirdly, it is advisable to highlight the constructive principle in the behavior or even in the intentions of the participant. There are no absolutely bad or absolutely good people or social groups. Each has something positive, and it is necessary to rely on it when resolving a conflict.

Conclusion.

Education as a sociocultural technology is not only a source of intellectual wealth, but also a powerful factor in the regulation and humanization of social practice and interpersonal relations. Pedagogical reality, however, gives rise to many contradictions and conflict situations, the way out of which requires special training of social teachers.

It has been established that since the conflict is often based on a contradiction that is subordinate to certain laws, social teachers should not “be afraid” of conflicts, but, understanding the nature of their occurrence, use specific mechanisms of influence for their successful resolution in various pedagogical situations.

Understanding the causes of conflicts and the successful use of mechanisms for managing them are possible only if future social teachers have the knowledge and skills of the corresponding personal qualities, knowledge and skills.

It is stated that the practical readiness of a social teacher to resolve conflicts among students is an integral personal education, the structure of which includes motivational-value, cognitive and operational-performance components. The criteria for this readiness are the measure, integrity and the measure of the formation of its main components.

It is shown that the process of forming the social teacher's practical readiness to resolve conflicts among adolescents is individually creative, stage-by-stage and systematically organized. The content and logic of this process is determined by the structural components of readiness and the corresponding educational technologies.

List of used literature.

Conflicts are an integral part of modern life. When talking about conflicts, we most often associate them with aggression, disputes, hostility. However, many conflicts contribute to the adoption of informed decisions, the development of relationships, and help to identify hidden problems... In any case, conflicts must be resolved. Insufficient attention to disagreements leads to the fact that children and teachers cease to trust each other, ascribe responsibility for not understanding the personal qualities of the opponent. This leads to mutual hostility and the consolidation of stereotypes of conflict behavior.

You can relate to the conflict in different ways. In everyday human life, the attitude towards him is negative. And this is psychologically understandable: people are too tired of endless conflicts, wars, problems and stresses. A normal healthy person wants to live in a calm, cloudless world, in harmony with himself and others. However, conflicts have always existed and, unfortunately or fortunately, they exist and will continue to exist in the future.

Teaching children to positively resolve conflict situations is the most important function of the school educational environment. It is extremely necessary to engage in timely diagnosis and prevention of conflicts in school collectives.

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Pedagogical conflicts and ways to resolve them

Conflicts are an integral part of modern life. When talking about conflicts, we most often associate them with aggression, disputes, hostility. However, many conflicts contribute to the adoption of informed decisions, the development of relationships, and help to reveal hidden problems. In any case, conflicts must be resolved. Insufficient attention to disagreements leads to the fact that children and teachers cease to trust each other, ascribe responsibility for not understanding the personal qualities of the opponent. This leads to mutual hostility and the consolidation of stereotypes of conflict behavior.

You can relate to the conflict in different ways. In everyday human life, the attitude towards him is negative. And this is psychologically understandable: people are too tired of endless conflicts, wars, problems and stresses. A normal healthy person wants to live in a calm, cloudless world, in harmony with himself and others. However, conflicts have always existed and, unfortunately or fortunately, they exist and will continue to exist in the future.

Teaching children to positively resolve conflict situations is the most important function of the school educational environment. It is extremely necessary to engage in timely diagnosis and prevention of conflicts in school collectives.

First, the prevention of conflicts will undoubtedly help to improve the quality of the educational process. Pupils and teachers will begin to spend intellectual and moral forces not on fighting opponents, but on their main activities.

Secondly, conflicts have a noticeable negative effect on the mental state and mood of those in conflict. The stress of conflict can cause dozens of serious illnesses. Therefore, timely preventive measures should positively influence the psychological and physical health of students and teachers.

Thirdly, it is at school that a child or a teenager develops the skills of resolving contradictions in interpersonal interaction that occur in the life of every person.

Conflict is a clash of multidirectional goals, interests, positions, opinions or views, expressed in an exacerbated, harsh form.

It is necessary to distinguish between the concepts of "conflict" and "conflict situation", the difference between them is very significant.

According to a number of researchers, a conflict situation precedes the actual conflict, its components are the subjects and the object of the conflict with all their relationships and characteristics.Thus, a conflicting pedagogical situation can be taken as a set of objective and subjective conditions that arise in the school society and create a certain psychological stress, due to which the rational control of the subjects of communication is weakened and their emotional perception of the existing contradictions is activated. For a conflict situation to develop into a conflict, an incident is necessary. An incident is a cause for a conflict, a specific circumstance that is a "trigger" that generates the development of events. An incident is not always a conscious fact. It often acts as a pretext for confrontation. It is the incident that contributes to the transition of a conflict situation into conflict interaction.

Consider the causes of school conflicts. With all their variety, you can come to certain ideas about the most common causes.

According to experts, they are:

Insufficient ability of the teacher to predict the behavior of children in the classroom.

Indeed, the teacher, planning a lesson, even with the richest intuition, cannot predict the situations that arise. Unexpected actions can not only interrupt the lesson plan, but generally lead to a breakdown in the learning process. This generates irritation and a desire to quickly solve the problem in order to return to the planned plan. With such a course of events, objectively, the teacher must react quickly, having a lack of information about the reasons for what is happening. This cannot but lead to mistakes, the choice of inappropriate behavior and inappropriate pedagogical techniques; the teacher evaluates, as a rule, not a separate act of the child, but his personality. Such personal assessments also affect the child's self-esteem, forming attitudes towards him on the part of other people (teachers and peers).

The teacher's desire to preserve social status, guided by his own idea of ​​what the teacher was supposed to do, and what was not permissible or humiliating. It is sometimes more important for the teacher to maintain his authority than the consequences of the conflict for the children.

Often, the teacher's assessment of a child is based on a subjective perception of his act and insufficient understanding of his motives, individual typological characteristics, conditions and problems in the family.

Often, the teacher finds it difficult to analyze the situation that has arisen, is in a hurry to punish, believing that excessive severity will not hurt. Of course, such pedagogical attitudes are characteristic of teachers who adhere to an authoritarian style of communication with children.

Certain situations of conflict are generated by a measure of incompatibility of various personal qualities (character, temperament) of students and teachers.

Unusual behavior of a student can also cause a conflict on the part of the teacher.

Certain personality traits of a teacher can be a source of a number of conflicts (for example, general conflict in communication with people, inadequate forms of response in problem situations: irritability, rivalry, inability to seek a compromise and cooperate, etc.)

The reason for pedagogical conflicts may be insufficient professional aptitude of the teacher, ignorance of the basics of conflict management, lack of necessary communication skills, dependence on one's own problems and mood. Due to their low professionalism, teachers often find themselves in captivity of erroneous pedagogical errors, reproach children, use harsh words, become personalized, and ridicule them in front of the class. Well-known recommendations on pedagogical tact are not always applied in practice.

At school, we are faced with a wide variety of conflict situations, which, depending on the participants, can be divided into the following groups:

1. Conflicts between teacher and student.

2. Conflicts between a teacher and a group of children (sometimes an entire class).

3. Conflicts between teacher and parent (s).

4. Conflicts between children.

5. Conflicts in the teaching staff.

6. Intra-family conflicts in the student, the consequences of which are manifested in his school life.

Moreover, in terms of content, all these conflicts can be business or personal. In conflictology, pedagogical conflicts are usually divided according to the content of the situation of their occurrence intoactivity conflicts, behavior conflicts and relationship conflicts.

Activity conflictsarise between the teacher and the student and are manifested in the student's refusal to complete the educational task or when it is poorly performed. This can happen by various reasons: fatigue, difficulty learning teaching material, and sometimes an unfortunate remark from the teacher instead of concrete help to the student. Such conflicts often occur with students who have difficulties in assimilating the material, as well as when the teacher teaches in the class for a short time and the relationship between him and the students is limited to educational work. There are fewer such conflicts in the lessons of class teachers and primary school teachers, when communication in the lesson is determined by the nature of the existing relationship with students in a different setting. Recently, there has been an increase in school conflicts due to the fact that the teacher often makes excessive demands on students, and uses marks as a means of punishment for those who violate discipline.

Conflict of conduct... A pedagogical situation can lead to conflict if the teacher made a mistake in analyzing the student's deed, did not find out his motives, or made an unreasonable conclusion. After all, the same act can be dictated by different motives. The teacher tries to correct the behavior of students, sometimes evaluating their actions with insufficient information about the reasons that caused them. Sometimes he only guesses about the motives of actions, does not delve into the relationship between children - in such cases, errors in assessing behavior are possible. As a result, there is a completely justified disagreement of the students with this situation.

Relationship conflictsoften arise as a result of the teacher's inept resolution of problem situations and are, as a rule, protracted. These conflicts take on a personal connotation, give rise to a long-term dislike of the student towards the teacher, and disrupt interaction for a long time.

By the type of behavior in the conflictit is possible to distinguish three fundamentally different approaches:

1) change the situation;

2) change the attitude towards the situation;

3) change yourself.

These three types of interactions are carried out within styles behavior in the conflict, identified by American scientists W. Thomas and H. Kilman. They distinguish between the following strategies of teacher behavior in a conflict situation:

1. Avoiding conflict.This strategy can be useful when the problem seems to the teacher insignificant, not worthy of attention, and he prefers to save time, effort and other resources for solving more important, in his opinion, tasks. On the other hand, it can also lead to a significant aggravation of the conflict situation. Even if the teacher moves away from the conflict, ignores it, most likely out of fear of confrontation, the students' response is likely in the form of the same withdrawal from the problem that has arisen, which excludes the possibility of the teacher's influence on the course of the situation development, joint development of a solution. Sometimes a teacher's choice of this strategy is an attempt to punish students or change their attitude towards conflict, but such actions rarely lead to positive results. There are various forms of avoiding conflict:

Silence;

Demonstrative removal of a student from the class;

Refusal to conduct a lesson (as a variation - “offended leaving”);

Undercurrent anger;

Depression;

Ignoring conflictogens on the part of students (words, gestures, actions);

The transition to a purely formal relationship, ostentatious indifference; conducting a lesson "through gnashing of teeth", etc.

This strategy is quite common, including among teachers. It is based on the "repression" mechanism described in psychoanalysis. Similarly to how a person tries to displace from consciousness everything disturbing, incomprehensible, frightening, causing sharply negative emotions, so in his real life he tries to get away from the need to solve a complex problem with unpredictable consequences, from risk, stress, anxiety.

2. Confrontation("Win / lose").This strategy is aimed at satisfying only one's own goals and interests without taking into account the goals and interests of the other party. The use of such a strategy can give positive results when the teacher organizes various competitions, competitions, or in the event of any acute situation when the teacher must put things in order for the sake of general well-being. However, when resolving interpersonal conflicts, the confrontation strategy usually leads to negative consequences, and then the confrontation becomes destructive ("victory at any cost"). The preference for this strategy is explained by the subconscious desire of many teachers to protect themselves (fear of losing authority, power over students, showing weakness, etc.). In accordance with the named strategy, teachers use the following tactics: threats, intimidation with punishments, which will be canceled if the students agree with the teacher's request; persistent beliefs; setting a negative mark; delaying the student after lessons, ridiculing the student in front of others, etc. Of particular interest is the tactics of alternating techniques according to the principle of "bad and good cops". In this case, one school employee (teacher, head teacher, director) in relation to a specific student uses threats, harsh criticism, various kinds of punishment, and the other, on the contrary, uses personal charm, begs, persuades to accept the conditions. These two roles can be combined in one person.

When implementing the second strategy, it should be borne in mind that its effectiveness is extremely low, the most likely result of its application is the escalation of the conflict. In psychoanalysis, the confrontation strategy corresponds to the regression mechanism, in which a person moves to more primitive levels of thinking and behavior (thirst for revenge, aggression, striving for superiority, for power over people, selfishness, etc.).

3. The strategy of concessions.When resolving a conflict, teachers can use the following tactics within the framework of this strategy: adaptation, compromise, achievement of the "status quo", involvement of an intermediary (a representative of the administration, a parent, another teacher or student, etc.).

Adaptation is characterized by concessions to the interests of the other side, up to complete submission to its requirements. Concessions can be perceived in different ways: as a demonstration of goodwill (in this case, a relaxation of tension in relations and a turning point in the situation better side) or as a manifestation of weakness (can lead to an escalation of the conflict). This strategy is usually used when teachers are either unsure about the own forces, either are indifferent to students and the results of their labor (the so-called conniving leadership style), or in an extremely acute situation they seek to reduce the intensity of passions.

Compromise requires certain negotiating skills that allow one to come to take into account the interests of the parties to the conflict, their mutual concessions. Ideally, a compromise is the satisfaction of the interests of each of the parties, as they say, "in fairness." However, in a real situation, some of the opponents, as a rule, have to make big concessions, which in the future can lead to a new aggravation of relations. Therefore, a compromise is often only a temporary measure, since none of the parties can hardly be fully satisfied. Most often, the so-called zero option, or "status quo", is used as a compromise, when the conflicting parties return to their original positions. The involvement of a representative of the administration as a mediator in rare cases brings positive results in the settlement of school conflicts. The teachers who have resorted to this tactic, for the most part, lose their authority in the eyes of the students, they seem incompetent, weak, unable to solve problems on their own. However, in a teacher-parent-student system, mediation can be fruitful.

4. Collaboration.Cooperation is the satisfaction of the interests of both parties. This strategy is characterized by the desire to converge positions, goals and interests, finding the most acceptable solution for the teacher and students, the development of which strengthens and improves relationships with students, requires intellectual and emotional efforts of the parties, time and other resources. To implement this strategy, you should:

Determine the interests and needs of all participants;

Take possible actions to satisfy them;

Recognize the values ​​of others as well as your own;

Strive for objectivity, separating the problem from the personality;

Look for creative, unconventional solutions;

Do not spare the problem, spare people.

The strategy of cooperation is more consistent in psychoanalytic theory with the mechanism of sublimation (in a broad sense). If a person can direct the energy of his negative emotions and instinctive aspirations (indignation, anger, resentment, thirst for revenge, superiority, aggression, etc.) to the search and implementation of common ideas, interests, values, then he will achieve the maximum effect on this path.

Rule 1.

Learn to focus on the actions (behavior), and not on the personality of the student. When characterizing the behavior of the student, use a specific description of the act that he committed, instead of evaluative remarks addressed to him.

For example:

"Are you completely stupid, behaving like that?" - an evaluative statement, poses a threat to the student's self-esteem, does not contain information about what exactly he is doing wrong, and, therefore, does not know what needs to be changed.

“I don’t like that you threw the notebook on the floor” - the statement contains a description of the behavior, informs the student what exactly the teacher does not like and what the student needs to change in his behavior.

Rule 2.

Take care of your negative emotions... If you feel that you cannot deal with your anger, then take the time it takes to deal with it.

Humor is an effective way to deal with your anger. Look at the situation from the other side, note for yourself its absurdity. Laugh at her.

Rule 3.

Don't stress the situation. The following actions of the teacher can lead to increased tension:

Excessive generalization, labeling: "You always ...";

Harsh criticism: “You are not listening to me again”;

Repeated reproaches: "If it weren't for you ...";

Resolutely setting the boundaries of the conversation: “That's enough. Stop it now! "

Threats: "If you don't shut up right now ...".

Rule 4.

Discuss the misconduct later. For example, you can discuss what happened after the lesson. This will exclude the presence of "spectators" in the person of other students, which, for example, in the case of demonstrative behavior is important, since it deprives the violator of the discipline of the public's attention to his offense: "Come to me after the lesson, we can discuss everything in detail."

Rule 5.

Let the student save face. One should not demand public repentance from a student for his deed. Even if he realizes that he is wrong, it is difficult even for an adult to admit it publicly. The teacher's task is not to prove “Who is in charge here!”, But to find a way to resolve the situation that has arisen. Therefore, the teacher's statement will be appropriate: "Now sit down and complete the task, and we will discuss what happened later."

Rule 6.

Demonstrate patterns of positive behavior. Calm, balanced behavior and a friendly attitude of the teacher, regardless of the situation, is the best way to teach students how to behave in conflict situations.

The first thing that will be helpful when a problem is ripe is calmness.

The second point is the analysis of the situation without vicissitudes.

The third important point is an open dialogue between the conflicting parties, the ability to listen to the interlocutor, calmly state your view on the conflict problem.

The fourth thing that will help to come to the desired constructive result is the identification of a common goal, ways to solve the problem, allowing you to achieve this goal.

The last, fifth point will be conclusions that will help avoid communication and interaction errors in the future.

So what is conflict? Good or Evil? The answers to these questions lie in the way we deal with stressful situations. The absence of conflicts at school is almost impossible. And you still have to solve them. Constructive solution pulls trusting relationships and peace in the class, destructive - accumulates resentment and irritation. To stop and think at the moment when irritation and anger rush over is an important moment in choosing your own way of resolving conflict situations.

That's why from the teacher's pedagogical tact, the ability to discern the problem in time (in study, upbringing, communication, etc.), find the right word, see the personality in each student, the psychological climate of the classroom and the establishment of contact with children and parents of students depends. The magic key to resolving any of the most difficult and most confusing conflicts is the statement:"Understanding is the beginning of agreement."

In conflicts between students and teachers, the latter are most often wrong. The life experience of the student, the volume of his knowledge, worldview, communication skills with the outside world are much less than that of the teacher. The educator must remain above conflict and resolve natural and inevitable problems in relationships with students without negative emotions.

The ways of resolving the conflict, especially if it has not gone far, are known and available to everyone - these are tenderness, humor and a joke. In more difficult situations, teachers resort to compromise, making concessions to each other, or they themselves conduct analysis, seeking to understand themselves and their actions, and only in exceptional cases use coercion and temporary separation. The teacher has no right to go to create a conflict if he does not own the technology of conflict resolution.

A conflict is created at that moment or is brought to such a level when there is a mutual need to resolve it. Most conflict situations, in which the teacher and the student are participants, is characterized by the mismatch, and sometimes even the direct opposite of their positions in relation to learning and the rules of behavior at school. Lack of discipline, laxity, a frivolous attitude to the study of one or another student and excessive authoritarianism, teacher intolerance are the main reasons for acute interpersonal conflicts. However, a timely revision of their positions by them can eliminate the conflict situation and prevent it from developing into an open interpersonal conflict.

The variety of possible conflict situations in the classroom and methods of conflict interaction requires the teacher to search for optimal ways to resolve the conflict. Timeliness and success of its resolution are a condition for the fact that a business conflict does not turn into a personal one.

There can be a productive resolution of the conflict only if the teacher carries out a thorough analysis of the reasons, motives that led to the current situation, goals, probable outcomes of a particular interpersonal collision in which he was a participant. At the same time, the teacher's ability to be objective is an indicator of not only his professionalism, but also the value attitude towards students.

The most effective way to resolve conflicts is negotiation.

The constructive possibilities of negotiations and mediation are extremely high. One of the significant advantages of this method is that its application is possible both in vertical conflicts ("vertical negotiations": teacher - a group of students; students - school administration), and horizontal ("horizontal negotiations": a group of students - a group of students) ... In the case of a particularly acute conflict situation or the impossibility of negotiating on our own, the mediation technology is used as an addition to the negotiation method.

The mediation procedure involves an independent neutral third party, a mediator, who facilitates the negotiations between the parties in an informal setting and helps them find an acceptable agreement and reach it. The main principles of mediation are:

* neutrality (emotionally, the mediator does not join any side);

* lack of involvement (no interest in winning one of the parties).

The mediator does not take responsibility for the decisions that the parties come to, his function is to organize the negotiation process.

However, there are also dysfunctional consequences of the negotiation process. The negotiation method is effective within a certain corridor, beyond which the negotiation process loses its effectiveness as a method of conflict resolution and becomes a way to maintain a conflict situation.

Negotiations have their own area of ​​affirmative action, but they are not always in the best way conflict resolution. Dragging out negotiations, gaining time to concentrate resources, masking destructive actions by negotiations, misinformation of the opponent in the negotiations - these are negative aspects of the negotiation process.

Thus, we can conclude: an effective negotiation strategy is, first of all, a strategy of agreement, search and enhancement of common interests and the ability to combine them in a way that will not subsequently cause a desire to violate the agreement reached. In real life, teachers often simply lack the culture of the negotiation process, negotiation skills, and the desire to enter into communication with an opponent.

Considering the main methods of resolving conflict situations, we can say that they are divided into two groups:

1.negative, including all types of struggle, with the aim of achieving victory of one side over the other;

2. positive, when using them, it is assumed that the basis of the relationship between the parties to the conflict is preserved - various types of negotiations and constructive rivalry.

The difference between negative and positive methods is conditional, they often complement each other.

The choice of methods for resolving a conflict situation determines the strategy of behavior in the conflict. The teacher can choose the tactics of avoiding conflict, smoothing it out, compromising solution, coercion or rejection of someone else's position. The main way to apply a rational-intuitive approach to conflict management is to view any conflict situation as a problem or a potential problem that awaits its solution.

Then a suitable method of problem solving is selected, using an arsenal of possible strategic measures to control conflict situations.

The main link in resolving a pedagogical situation is considered to be its psychological analysis. In this case, the teacher can reveal the reasons for the situation, prevent its transition into a long-term conflict, i.e. to some extent learn to master the situation, using its cognitive and educational functions.

However, one should not assume that psychological analysis will solve all relationship problems. Its implementation will only reduce the number of mistakes that teachers make, immediately applying measures to influence the student in the course of the situation. This analysis is only the basis for developing independent solutions.

The main goal of the psychological analysis of the situation is to create a sufficient information basis for making a psychologically sound decision on the situation that has arisen. The teacher's hasty reaction, as a rule, provokes an impulsive student response, leads to the exchange of "verbal blows", and the situation becomes conflictual.

Another, no less significant goal of such an analysis is to switch attention from indignation at the student's deed to his personality and its manifestation in activities, actions and relationships.

Analysis helps the teacher avoid subjectivity in assessing student behavior. When analyzing an act, evaluating behavior, it is often the student who is less sympathetic to the teacher who is to blame, and therefore teachers remember very well even minor violations of discipline by these students. This position of the teacher leads to the fact that he replaces the objective study of the student's personal qualities with a list of those misdeeds in which he was noticed before: a good student remembers good deeds and gives little importance to bad ones, and the "difficult" student remains guilty.

Psychological analysis makes it possible to see the positive in the actions of the "bad" student and the "dirty trick" in the behavior of the exemplary, and thereby correctly resolve the situation.

A correctly conducted psychological analysis will help the teacher find not only options for resolution, but also possible ways to prevent or extinguish the conflict.

There are also game-based conflict resolution methods.

1. The method of introspection is that a person puts himself in the place of another, and then in his imagination reproduces the thoughts and feelings that, in his opinion, this other is experiencing in this situation.

2. The method of empathy is based on the technique of understanding the experience of another person. If he is emotional, inclined to intuitive thinking, then this method will be useful. It is important to remember that the method makes it possible to achieve high results.

3. The method of logical analysis is suitable for those who are rational, who relies on thinking. To understand the interaction partner.

While conflict resolution skills do not guarantee complete resolution in all cases, they can provide new opportunities to expand knowledge about yourself and others.

The ways of resolving the conflict, especially if it has not gone far, are known and available to everyone - these are tenderness, humor and a joke. In more difficult situations, teachers resort to compromise, making concessions to each other, or they themselves conduct analysis, seeking to understand themselves and their actions, and only in exceptional cases use coercion and temporary separation. The teacher has no right to go to create a conflict if he does not own the technology of conflict resolution.

A conflict is created at that moment or is brought to such a level when there is a mutual need to resolve it. Most conflict situations, in which the teacher and the student are participants, is characterized by the mismatch, and sometimes even the direct opposite of their positions in relation to learning and the rules of behavior at school. Lack of discipline, laxity, a frivolous attitude to the study of one or another student and excessive authoritarianism, teacher intolerance are the main reasons for acute interpersonal conflicts. However, a timely revision of their positions by them can eliminate the conflict situation and prevent it from developing into an open interpersonal conflict.

The variety of possible conflict situations in the classroom and methods of conflict interaction requires the teacher to search for optimal ways to resolve the conflict. Timeliness and success of its resolution are a condition for the fact that a business conflict does not turn into a personal one.

There can be a productive resolution of the conflict only if the teacher carries out a thorough analysis of the reasons, motives that led to the current situation, goals, and probable outcomes of a particular interpersonal collision in which he was a participant. At the same time, the teacher's ability to be objective is an indicator of not only his professionalism, but also the value attitude towards students.

The most effective way to resolve conflicts is negotiation.

The constructive possibilities of negotiations and mediation are extremely high. One of the significant advantages of this method is that its application is possible both in vertical conflicts ("vertical negotiations": teacher - a group of students; students - school administration), and horizontal ("horizontal negotiations": a group of students - a group of students) ... In the case of a particularly acute conflict situation or the impossibility of negotiating on our own, the mediation technology is used as an addition to the negotiation method.

The mediation procedure involves an independent neutral third party, a mediator, who facilitates the negotiations between the parties in an informal setting and helps them find an acceptable agreement and reach it. The main principles of mediation are:

Neutrality (emotionally, the mediator does not join any party);

Involvement (not interested in winning one of the parties).

The mediator does not take responsibility for the decisions that the parties come to, his function is to organize the negotiation process.

However, there are also dysfunctional consequences of the negotiation process. The negotiation method is effective within a certain corridor, beyond which the negotiation process loses its effectiveness as a method of conflict resolution and becomes a way to maintain a conflict situation.

Negotiations have their own area of ​​affirmative action, but they are not always the best way to resolve a conflict. Dragging out negotiations, gaining time to concentrate resources, masking destructive actions by negotiations, misinformation of the opponent in the negotiations - these are negative aspects of the negotiation process.

Thus, we can conclude: an effective negotiation strategy is, first of all, a strategy of agreement, search and enhancement of common interests and the ability to combine them in a way that will not subsequently cause a desire to violate the agreement reached. In real life, teachers often simply lack the culture of the negotiation process, negotiation skills, and the desire to enter into communication with an opponent.

Considering the main methods of resolving conflict situations, we can say that they are divided into two groups:

1.negative, including all types of struggle, with the aim of achieving victory of one side over the other;

2. positive, when using them it is supposed to preserve the basis of the relationship between the subjects of the conflict - various types of negotiations and constructive rivalry.

The difference between negative and positive methods is conditional, they often complement each other.

The choice of methods for resolving a conflict situation determines the strategy of behavior in the conflict. The teacher can choose the tactics of avoiding conflict, smoothing it out, compromising, coercion or rejection of someone else's position. The main way to apply a rational-intuitive approach to conflict management is to consider any conflict

situation as a problem or potential problem that is waiting for its solution.

Then a suitable method of problem solving is selected, using an arsenal of possible strategic measures to control conflict situations.

The main link in resolving a pedagogical situation is considered to be its psychological analysis. In this case, the teacher can reveal the reasons for the situation, prevent its transition into a long-term conflict, that is, to some extent learn to master the situation, using its cognitive and educational functions.

However, one should not assume that psychological analysis will solve all relationship problems. Its implementation will only reduce the number of mistakes that teachers make, immediately applying measures to influence the student in the course of the situation. This analysis is only the basis for developing independent solutions.

The main goal of the psychological analysis of the situation is to create a sufficient information basis for making a psychologically sound decision on the situation that has arisen. The teacher's hasty reaction, as a rule, causes an impulsive response from the student, leads to the exchange of "verbal blows", and the situation

becomes conflicting.

Another, no less significant goal of such an analysis is to switch attention from indignation at the student's deed to his personality and its manifestation in activities, actions and relationships.

Analysis helps the teacher avoid subjectivity in assessing student behavior. When analyzing an act, evaluating behavior, it is often the student who is less sympathetic to the teacher who is to blame, and therefore teachers remember very well even minor violations of discipline by these students. This position of the teacher leads to the fact that he replaces the objective study of the student's personal qualities with a list of those misdeeds in which he was noticed before: a good student remembers good deeds and gives little importance to bad ones, and the "difficult" student remains guilty.

Psychological analysis makes it possible to see the positive in the actions of the "bad" student and the "dirty trick" in the behavior of the exemplary, and thereby correctly resolve the situation.

A correctly conducted psychological analysis will help the teacher find not only options for resolution, but also possible ways to prevent or extinguish the conflict.

There are also game-based conflict resolution methods.

1. The method of introspection is that a person puts himself in the place of another, and then in his imagination reproduces the thoughts and feelings that, in his opinion, this other is experiencing in this situation.

2. The method of empathy is based on the technique of understanding the experience of another person. If he is emotional, inclined to intuitive thinking, then this method will be useful. It is important to remember that the method makes it possible to achieve high results.

3. The method of logical analysis is suitable for those who are rational, who relies on thinking. To understand the interaction partner.

While conflict resolution skills do not guarantee complete resolution in all cases, they can provide new opportunities to expand knowledge about yourself and others.

It must be remembered that any teacher's mistake in resolving situations and conflicts is replicated in the perception of students, remains in their memory and for a long time affects the nature of the relationship.

Of course, there are no two identical schools, the same students and teachers, and therefore it is impossible to foresee every situation or develop a universal method for resolving it.

Conflicts arise when students are alone with the teacher (there are no conflicts in the presence of strangers or the school administration), so it is difficult for the administration to assist him in preventing and resolving them.

Each pedagogical situation has an educational impact on its participants: the student is included in the situation with some attitudes, and leaves it with a different assessment of his own action, the assessment of himself and the adult participants in the situation changes.

When talking with children, the teacher needs to clearly know what to say (selection of content in the dialogue), how to say (emotional accompaniment of the conversation), when to say in order to achieve the goal of speech addressed to the child (time and place), at whom to say and why to say ( confidence in the result).

Teachers and students often face conflict situations. However, we must strive to ensure that the conflict takes place in the business sphere and does not spill over into the personal.

Conflict can also serve as an incentive for change and an impetus for progress.

Resolution of contradictions leads to qualitative changes. To do this, you need to know the reasons, conditions for the occurrence of conflicts, their nature, methods of prevention and resolution.

The frequency and nature of conflicts depend on the level of development of the class team: the higher this level, the less often conflict situations are created in it. In a close-knit team there is always a common goal supported by all its members, and in the course of joint activities, common values ​​and norms are formed.

VM Afonkova argues that the success of pedagogical intervention in student conflicts depends on the position of the teacher. There can be at least four such positions:

· Position of neutrality - the teacher tries not to notice and not interfere in the collisions that arise among the pupils;

· The position of avoiding conflict - the teacher is convinced that the conflict is an indicator of his failures in educational work with children and arises from ignorance of how to get out of the situation;

· The position of expedient intervention in the conflict - the teacher, relying on good knowledge of the collective of pupils, the relevant knowledge and skills, analyzes the causes of the conflict, makes a decision either to suppress it, or to allow it to develop to a certain limit.

The actions of the teacher in the fourth position allow you to control and manage the conflict.

However, the teacher often lacks the culture and technology of interaction with pupils, which leads to mutual alienation. A person with a high communication technique is characterized by the desire not only to correctly resolve the conflict, but also to understand its causes. To resolve conflicts among adolescents, the method of persuasion is very appropriate as a way of reconciling the parties. It helps show adolescents the inappropriateness of some of the forms they use to resolve conflict (fights, nicknames, intimidation, etc.). At the same time, teachers, using this method, make a typical mistake, focusing only on the logic of their evidence, not taking into account the views and opinions of the adolescent himself. Neither logic nor emotionality succeeds if the teacher ignores the views and experience of the pupil.

A theoretical analysis of psychological and pedagogical conflictology leads to the following preliminary conclusions:

An explainable contradiction often lies at the heart of the conflict, and the conflict itself can be constructive and destructive;

Most teachers remain wary of student conflicts;

Conflicts should not be “feared” because they are natural;

Conflicts among adolescents due to their age characteristics are widespread and common;

High emotional “heat” in communication often leads to conflict;

Conflict can be caused by the assertion of one's “I”;

Intrapersonal conflict can cause interpersonal conflict;

It is advisable for teachers to intervene in a conflict not so much in order to eliminate it as to help a teenager in knowing himself, his friend, his educational team;

Before intervening in a conflict, it is necessary to know the reasons for its occurrence, otherwise the intervention may acquire a pedagogically negative character;

A conflict situation and conflict, with the skillful use of management mechanisms, can become effective means of educational influence;

The social educator needs deep specialized knowledge to successfully manage adolescent conflict.

Conflicts can be initiated not only by objective, but also by subjective conditions. Objective circumstances include what exists more or less independently of the pedagogical process, and what creates the potential for conflict. Subjective conditions make up the level of upbringing and development of children, the awareness of the degree of conflict of the situation by its participants, their moral and value orientations.

The topic of pedagogical conflicts today, when the issue of the quality of education is significant not only for the school, but also for society as a whole, is especially relevant. The Russian educational system, due to the socio-economic and political conditions prevailing in the country, found itself in a difficult situation, and the life of the teaching staff is often simply riddled with conflict situations.

The life of the teaching staff, as a rule, is female in composition and is many-sided and varied.

Teaching children to positively resolve conflict situations is the most important function of the school educational environment. And only a morally healthy teaching staff is able to adequately fulfill the designated function.

Conflict, according to G.M. Kodzhaspirova, A.Yu. Kojaspirovu - a clash of multidirectional goals, interests, positions, opinions or views, expressed in a sharpened, harsh form.

Experience shows that the most frequent conflicts are in complex teams, including employees with specific, but closely interrelated functions, which creates difficulties in coordinating their actions and relationships, both in the field of business and personal contacts. The pedagogical collective also belongs to such collectives.

I will highlight the essential causes of conflicts.

Violation of labor cooperation by one of the members of the collective. Most conflicts are related to the violation of the norms of business interaction, i.e. due to functional reasons: dishonesty, indiscipline. If the norms of cooperation are clearly fixed, then there are fewer conditions for the emergence of a conflict. The possibility of conflicts is reduced when the manager knows how to correctly perceive criticism, with the simplicity and modesty of communication between the manager and his subordinates, the ability to convince people, consult with subordinates, listen to their opinion, with the validity of the requirements presented by the manager to the subordinates, clarity and consistency in leadership, the ability to clearly organize the labor activity of subordinates.

To prevent intragroup interpersonal conflict among teachers, it is necessary:

- take into account the interests of each other;

- the ability to perceive criticism of their colleagues;

- polite, tactful attitude to each other, respect for colleagues;

- discipline in work.

To reduce conflict with subordinates, the head must:

- objectively evaluate the work of their subordinates;

- take care of subordinates;

- do not abuse your power;

- use the persuasion method effectively;

- improve the style of your organization.

Emotional well-being in a team is determined by the style of leadership of this team on the part of the administration.

Conflict resolution is a multi-stage process that includes analysis and assessment of the situation, the choice of a method for resolving the conflict, the formation of an action plan, its implementation, and the assessment of the effectiveness of their actions.

The analytical stage involves the collection and assessment of information on the following issues:

the object of the conflict (material, social or ideal; divisible or indivisible; can it be removed or replaced; what is its accessibility to each of the parties);

opponent (general data about him, his psychological characteristics; the relationship of the opponent with the leadership; opportunities to strengthen his rank; his goals, interests, position; legal and moral foundations of his requirements; previous actions in the conflict, mistakes made; where interests coincide, and what - no, etc.);

own position (goals, values, interests, actions in the conflict, mistakes made; what is not, etc.);

own position (goals, values, interests, actions in a conflict; legal and moral foundations of their own requirements, their argumentation and evidence; mistakes made and the possibility of their recognition in front of an opponent, etc.);

reasons and immediate cause leading to the conflict;

social environment (the situation in the organization, social group; what tasks the organization, the opponent solves, how the conflict affects them; who and how supports each of the opponents; what is the reaction of the leadership, the public, subordinates, if opponents have them; what they know about the conflict );

secondary reflection (the subject's idea of ​​how he perceives me, my idea of ​​the conflict, etc.). Sources of information are personal observations, conversations with management, subordinates, informal leaders, their friends and opponents' friends, and witnesses to the conflict.

Based on the study of psychological and pedagogical literature, advanced experience of universities, analysis of various types of activities, the following ways were identified to improve efficiency in preparing teachers for resolving conflict situations:

Intellectual: to give an understanding of the conflict; to reveal the physiological nature of the conflict; psychological foundations of the conflict; typology of conflicts, conflicting personalities, their characteristics; forecasting and prevention of conflicts; the emergence, development and course of the conflict, exit conditions, conflict resolution; the art of negotiation; conflict resolution with the participation of a third party (meditation).

Behavioral: teach the psychological analysis of situations and conflicts, the search for resolution options, ways to prevent or extinguish the conflict, teach the skills of effective behavior in conflicts and their constructive resolution. It involves discussion of theoretical problems, discussions, debates, business and personality-oriented games, simulation trainings, research assignments, scientific and practical conferences.

Self-knowledge and self-education of a person (self-knowledge is the acquisition of knowledge about oneself, self-education is the formation by a person of his personality in accordance with a consciously set goal).

For the prevention of conflicts, it is advisable to use such forms of work as:

pedagogical councils;

methodical associations;

individual work.

It can be noted that without a favorable climate in the teaching staff, expedient education of our children is impossible.

Lecture 9. Interpersonal conflicts in the family

1. Spousal conflicts.

2. Conflicts in the interaction of parents and children.

3. Psychological counseling for conflict families.

The family is the oldest institution of human interaction, a unique phenomenon. Its uniqueness lies in the fact that several people interact in the closest way for a long time, numbering tens of years, that is, throughout most of human life. In such a system of intensive interaction, disputes, conflicts and crises cannot but arise.

1. Marital conflicts

Depending on the subjects of interaction, family conflicts are divided into conflicts between: spouses; parents and children; spouses and parents of each of the spouses; grandparents and grandchildren.

Marital conflicts play a key role in family relationships. They are more likely to arise from the dissatisfaction of the needs of the spouses. Based on this, the main causes of marital conflicts are distinguished:

• psychosexual incompatibility of spouses;

• dissatisfaction of the need for the significance of one's “I”, disrespect for a sense of dignity on the part of a partner;

Unmet need for positive emotions: lack of affection, care, attention and understanding;

• addiction of one of the spouses to excessive satisfaction of their needs (alcohol, drugs, financial expenses only for themselves, etc.);

· Failure to meet the need for mutual assistance and mutual understanding on issues of housekeeping, raising children, in relation to parents, etc .;

· Differences in needs for leisure activities, hobbies.

In addition, the factors that influence the conflict nature of marital relations are identified. These include periods of crisis in the development of the family (S. Kratokhvil).

The first year of married life is characterized by conflicts of adaptation to each other, when two “I” become one “We”. There is an evolution of feelings, love disappears and the spouses appear before each other as they are. It is known that in the first year of a family's life, the probability of divorce is high, up to 30% of the total number of marriages (I. Dorno).

The second crisis period is associated with the appearance of children. The still fragile "We" system is undergoing a serious test. What lies at the heart of conflicts during this period?

· The opportunities for professional growth of spouses are deteriorating.

· They have fewer opportunities for free implementation in personally attractive activities (hobbies, hobbies).

The fatigue of the wife associated with caring for the child can lead to a temporary decrease in sexual activity,

· Possible clashes of views of spouses and their parents on the problems of raising a child.

The third crisis period coincides with the average marital age, which is characterized by conflicts of uniformity. As a result of repeated repetition of the same impressions, the spouses become saturated with each other. This state is called hunger of feelings, when there comes "satiety" from old impressions and "Hunger" for new ones (Yu. Ryurikov).

The fourth period of conflict between spouses comes after 18-24 years of marriage. Its occurrence often coincides with the approach of the period of involution, the emergence of a feeling of loneliness associated with the departure of children, increasing emotional addiction the wife, her worries about her husband's desire to sexually prove himself on the side, "before it's too late" (S. Kratokhvil).

External factors have a significant impact on the likelihood of marital conflicts: the deterioration of the financial situation of many families; excessive employment of one of the spouses (or both) at work; impossibility of normal employment of one of the spouses; long absence of their home; lack of opportunity to place children in a child care institution, etc.

The list of family conflict factors would be incomplete, if not to name the macro-factors, that is, the changes taking place in modern society, namely: the growth of social alienation; orientation to the cult of consumption; devaluation of moral values, including traditional norms of sexual behavior; change in the traditional position of women in the family (the opposite poles of this change are the complete economic independence of women and housewife syndrome); the crisis state of the economy, finance, social sphere of the state.

Psychological research shows that 80-85% of families | there are conflicts. The remaining 15-20% register the availability of | “Quarrels” on various occasions (V. Polikarpov, I. Zalygina). Depending on the frequency, depth and severity of conflicts, crisis, conflict, problematic and neurotic families are distinguished (V. Torokhtiy).

Crisis family. The confrontation between the interests and needs of the spouses is acute and engulfs important spheres of the family's life. The spouses take irreconcilable and even hostile positions in relation to each other, not agreeing to any concessions. Crisis marriage unions include all those that either break up, or are on the verge of collapse.

Conflicting family. There are constant areas between spouses where their interests collide, giving rise to strong and lasting negative emotional states. However, marriage can be sustained through other factors, as well as concessions and compromise solutions to conflicts.

Troubled family. She is characterized by a long existence of difficulties that can deal a tangible blow to the stability of the marriage. For example, lack of housing, prolonged illness of one of the spouses, lack of funds to support the family, long-term conviction for a crime and a number of other problems. In such families, exacerbation of relationships is likely, the phenomenon of mental disorders in one or both spouses

A neurotic family. Here, the main role is played not by hereditary disorders in the psyche of the spouses, but by the accumulation of the impact of psychological difficulties that the family encounters on its own. life path... The spouses have increased anxiety, sleep disorders, emotions for any reason, increased aggressiveness, etc.

Conflicting behavior of spouses can manifest itself in hidden and open forms. Indicators of latent conflict are: demonstrative silence; a sharp gesture or look that indicates disagreement; boycott of interaction in some area of ​​family life; accentuated coldness in a relationship. An open conflict manifests itself more often through: an open conversation in an emphatically correct form; mutual verbal abuse; demonstrative actions (slamming the door, smashing dishes, banging on the table with a fist), physical abuse, etc.

Psycho-traumatic consequences. Family conflicts can create a traumatic environment for spouses, their children, parents, as a result of which they acquire a number of negative personality traits. In a conflict family, a negative experience of communication is consolidated, faith in the possibility of the existence of friendly and tender relationships between people is lost, negative emotions accumulate, and psychotrauma appears. Psychotrauma often manifests itself in the form of experiences that, due to their severity, duration or repetition, strongly affect the personality. Allocate such traumatic experiences as a state of complete family dissatisfaction, "family anxiety", neuropsychic stress and a state of guilt.

The state of complete family dissatisfaction arises as a result of conflict situations in which there is a noticeable discrepancy between the expectations of the individual in relation to the family and its real life. It is expressed in boredom, colorlessness of life, lack of joy, nostalgic memories of the time before marriage, complaints to others about the difficulties of family life. Accumulating from conflict to conflict, such dissatisfaction is expressed in emotional outbursts and tantrums.

Family anxiety is more common after a major family conflict. Signs of anxiety are doubts, fears, fears concerning, first of all, the actions of other family members.

Neuropsychic stress is one of the main traumatic experiences. It arises as a result of:

Creating for the spouse situations of constant psychological

pressure, difficult or even stalemate;

· Creating obstacles for the spouse for the manifestation of important feelings for him, satisfaction of needs;

· Creating a situation of constant internal conflict with the spouse.

It manifests itself in irritability, bad mood, sleep disturbances, fits of rage.

The state of guilt depends on the personality of the spouse. A person feels like a hindrance to others, the culprit of any conflict, quarrels and failures, is inclined to perceive the attitude of other family members to himself as accusing, reproaching, despite the fact that in reality they are not.

Prevention of marital conflicts. Many recommendations have been developed for the normalization of marital relations, prevention of the escalation of controversial situations into conflicts (V. Vladin, D. Kapustin, I. Dorno, A. Egides, V. Levkovich, Yu. Ryurikov). Most of them boil down to the following: Respect yourself, and even more so the other. Remember that he (she) is the closest person to you, the father (mother) of your children. Try not to accumulate mistakes, grievances and "sins", but immediately react to them. This will eliminate the accumulation of negative emotions. Eliminate sexual reprimands, as they will not be forgotten. Do not make remarks to each other in the presence of others (children, acquaintances, guests, etc.).

Do not exaggerate your own abilities and dignity, do not consider yourself always and in everything right. Trust more and minimize jealousy. Be attentive, be able to listen and hear your spouse. Do not sink, take care of your physical attractiveness, work on your shortcomings. Never avoid even the obvious shortcomings of your spouse, talk only about specific behavior in a specific situation.

Treat your spouse's hobbies with interest and respect. In family life, it is sometimes better not to know the truth than to try to establish the truth at all costs. Try to find time to take a break from each other at least occasionally. This will help relieve emotional and psychological oversaturation with communication.

Resolving conflicts between spouses. The constructiveness of the resolution of marital conflicts, like no others, depends primarily on the ability of the spouses to understand, forgive and give in.

“One of the conditions for ending the conflict of loving spouses is not to achieve victory. Victory at the expense of the defeat of a loved one can hardly be called an achievement. It is important to respect the other, whatever the fault lies with him. You need to be able to honestly ask yourself (and most importantly, honestly answer yourself) what really worries you. When arguing your position, try not to show inappropriate maximalism and categoricality. It is better to come to an understanding ourselves and not involve others in your conflicts - parents, children, friends, neighbors and acquaintances. The well-being of the family depends only on the spouses themselves.

Separately, it is worth dwelling on this radical way resolving marital conflicts like divorce. According to psychologists, it is preceded by a process consisting of three stages: a) emotional divorce, expressed in alienation, indifference of spouses to each other, loss of trust and love; b) physical divorce leading to separation; c) legal divorce, requiring legal registration of the termination of marriage.

For many, divorce brings relief from hostility, rejection, deception, and what has darkened their lives. Of course, it has negative consequences. They are different for divorces, children and society. The most vulnerable in divorce is a woman who usually has children. She is more prone to neuropsychic disorders than a man.

The negative consequences of divorce for children are much more significant compared to the consequences for spouses. The child loses one (sometimes beloved) parent, because in many cases mothers prevent fathers from meeting their children. The child often experiences peer pressure about the absence of one of his parents, which affects his neuropsychic state. Divorce leads to the fact that society receives an incomplete family, an increase in the number of adolescents with deviant behavior, and an increase in crime. This creates additional difficulties for society.

2. Conflicts in the interaction of parents and children

This type of conflict is one of the most common in Everyday life... However, it is to a certain extent bypassed by the attention of specialists.

Psychologists and educators. We do not consider the problem of generational conflict, which is much broader and actively developed by sociologists. Of the more than 700 psychological and pedagogical works on the problem of conflict, it is unlikely that there will be a dozen or two publications focusing on the problem of conflicts between parents and children. It is usually studied in the context of broader research; family relations (V. Schumann), age crises (I. Kon), the influence of marital conflict on the development of children (A. Ushatikov, A. Spivakovskaya), etc. However, it is impossible to find a family where there are no conflicts between parents and children. Even in prosperous families, in more than 30% of cases, there are conflicting relationships (from the point of view of a teenager) with both parents (I. Gorkovskaya).

Why do conflicts arise between parents and children? In addition to the general reasons that produce the conflict in the relationship of people, which are considered above, there are psychological factors of conflict in the interaction of parents and children.

1. Type of intrafamily relations. Allocate harmonious disharmonious types of family relationships. In a harmonious family, a mobile balance is established, which manifests itself in the design of the psychological roles of each family member, the formation of the family "We", the ability of family members to resolve contradictions.

Family disharmony is the negative nature of marital relations, which is expressed in the conflicting interaction of spouses. The level of psychological stress in such a family tends to increase, leading to neurotic reactions of its members, the emergence of a feeling of constant anxiety in children.

2. Destructiveness of family education. The following features of destructive types of upbringing are distinguished:

• disagreements between family members on education issues;

• inconsistency, inconsistency, inadequacy;

· Guardianship and prohibitions in many areas of children's life;

· Increased requirements for children, frequent use of threats, convictions.

3. Age crises of children are considered as factors of their increased conflict level. An age crisis is a transitional period from one stage of childhood development to another. During critical periods, children become disobedient, capricious, irritable. They often come into conflict with others, especially with their parents. They have a negative attitude towards previously fulfilled requirements, reaching the point of stubbornness. The following age-related crises of children are distinguished:

· Crisis of the first year (transition from infancy to early childhood);

· Crisis of "three years" (transition from early childhood to preschool age);

· Crisis of 6-7 years (transition from preschool to primary school age);

Puberty crisis (transition from primary school to adolescence - 12-14 years);

· Teenage crisis 15-17 years old (D. Elkonin).